Roger Moore credited as playing...
Lord Brett Sinclair • Lady Agatha • The Admiral • The General
- [Danny kneels in front of a hotel room door, trying to pick its lock]
- Danny Wilde: Spencer Tracy once took a pipe cleaner - an ordinary pipe cleaner - and by inserting it into the lock, and moving it around in intricate positions - you know, I could be a gentleman cracksman with this -
- [Brett, who went out a window, onto a ledge and into the room through its window, opens the door from the inside]
- Lord Brett Sinclair: There's no need to kneel, I'm a very democratic sort of lord.
- Chivers: You might want to try for a pheasant, m'lord. I'll get the guns.
- Lord Brett Sinclair: Thank you, Chivers. A good idea.
- Danny Wilde: You still shoot peasants around here, huh?
- Danny Wilde: And you know what that is?
- Lord Brett Sinclair: What is it?
- Danny Wilde: It's a fireplace! I'm gonna clean it up, and put a big leather chair right in front here, and in the wintertime, when there's storms out, I'm gonna sit here with my old, faithful dog at my side -
- Lord Brett Sinclair: But Daniel, you don't have a dog!
- Danny Wilde: Then I'll rent one!
- Felix Meadowes: I'm in trouble, Brett.
- Lord Brett Sinclair: Money trouble?
- Felix Meadowes: Woman trouble.
- Lord Brett Sinclair: Oh. Well, if you're going to have trouble, that's the sort to have.
- [Brett enters the main hall of the Sinclairs' ancestral home and is surprised by Danny, hiding behind a suit of armor and wearing its helmet]
- Danny Wilde: Helloooo... Welcome, good knight! Dost thou bring thy sword to aid the king?
- Lord Brett Sinclair: Daniel, what on Earth are you doing here?
- Danny Wilde: How'd you know it was me? I'm here because you invited me.
- Lord Brett Sinclair: I did?
- Danny Wilde: Yes, you did.
- Lord Brett Sinclair: Uh... when did I invite you?
- Danny Wilde: When did you invite me?
- Lord Brett Sinclair: Yes.
- Danny Wilde: How many times have you said to me, "Why don't you come out and spend the weekend with me?" You must have said it a hundred times?
- Lord Brett Sinclair: Yes, of course -
- Danny Wilde: So I finally show up, so here I am -
- Lord Brett Sinclair: Any special reason, this particular weekend?
- Danny Wilde: What special reason do I need? I'm your friend, right?
- Lord Brett Sinclair: Well, of course you are -
- Danny Wilde: Well, I'm here to see your incestral home.
- Lord Brett Sinclair: *Ancestral.*
- Danny Wilde: OK, come on, give me the map, let me be the navigator.
- Lord Brett Sinclair: Thank you, Daniel, I remember the last time we went to Berlin.
- Danny Wilde: So?
- Lord Brett Sinclair: We were supposed to be going to Madrid.
- Danny Wilde: Well, nobody's perfect, kid!
- Lord Brett Sinclair: Certainly not you.
- [in the midst of a bar fight with some goons]
- Danny Wilde: They're good, aren't they?
- Lord Brett Sinclair: Excellent! I wish they were on our side!
- Danny Wilde: I told you, Angie's my friend. He's all thats left for me. The streets I came from, the way things were for me.
- Lord Brett Sinclair: Danny, you can't go back to the way things were, cause they were never that way in the first place.
- [Brett's Uncle Angus has just been squashed flat by a falling courtyard door, the latest in a string of murders of Brett's relatives]
- Kate: Poor Uncle Angus. Meanest man I ever met. Probably worth millions.
- Danny Wilde: Imagine. All that money and he died flat.
- Lord Brett Sinclair: Well, uh, as someone once said, "To lose one relative is misfortune. To lose two is carelessness."
- Kate: Oscar Wilde.
- Lord Brett Sinclair: Thank you. But I have lost six. Which is absolute, downright negligence!
- [Danny and Brett are driving on a rough country road towards Danny's new cottage]
- Lord Brett Sinclair: Daniel, will you please turn around and take me to the station? I wish to go back to London.
- Danny Wilde: I'm not takin' you back to the station to go back to London. You're staying with me!
- Lord Brett Sinclair: I don't care how good your surprise is, nothing is worth a ride like this.
- Danny Wilde: You know what your problem is? You're getting soft! Living in London is doing it to you, making you a softy. You stick with me, 'cause the surprise I'm gonna show you is gonna knock your eyes out.
- Lord Brett Sinclair: Well, that shouldn't be difficult, you've shaken them loose already!
- Lord Brett Sinclair: I don't understand a wretched thing. Now please, Lucy, just sit down! I am a sweet, gentle, reasonable man, but will you *please* give me some answers to questions.
- [Brett and Danny have been captured by the villains, who are seeking an important diary in Brett's briefcase]
- Lord Brett Sinclair: I'll bet you one hundred dollars his first words are, "Where is it?"
- Sergei: Where is it?
- Danny Wilde: You're right. Can you untie me?
- [Danny is kissing an attractive female reporter's hand]
- Danny Wilde: I waited at your apartment, but you never showed up!
- Carrie: I made rather a mess of that, didn't I?
- Lord Brett Sinclair: You must excuse him, his early life was heavily influenced by Rudolph Valentino.
- [Brett and Danny drive up to a darkened country house]
- Danny Wilde: Did you ever see a movie called "The Old Dark House?"
- Lord Brett Sinclair: No, what happened?
- Danny Wilde: Everybody died.
- Lucy: No-one's here!
- Lord Brett Sinclair: Quiet as the proverbial - why are we whispering? Daniel! He's got a... shotgun.
- Danny Wilde: You know what really riles me? The fact that we could be outsmarted by a dumb-dumb like Felix. What does he think? He must think he's in some kind of a spy movie, that's what!
- Lord Brett Sinclair: "The Spy Who Came In from the Cold." That was a good film. Robert Burton.
- Danny Wilde: Benson.
- Lord Brett Sinclair: No - *Richard* Burton!
- Danny Wilde: No - Benson!
- Lord Brett Sinclair: Who's Benson?
- Danny Wilde: That's the name of the guy I spoke on the phone with last night. He thought I was Felix! And he mentioned something about contracts.
- Lord Brett Sinclair: Ergo, Benson is the publisher.
- Danny Wilde: Right, go ahead.
- Lord Brett Sinclair: And there are only about three hundred publishers in London.
- Danny Wilde: Yeah, but how many of them have private printing presses in Switzerland? Now they're incorporated over there, they've got a branch office here, and that's how they get around the Official Secrets Act!
- Lord Brett Sinclair: I like it.
- Danny Wilde: Well, I don't!
- Lord Brett Sinclair: Well, I do! It's positive thinking! Well, it is going to take a little time tracking down the publisher.
- Danny Wilde: There's, uh, there's a flaw.
- Lord Brett Sinclair: Oh, what's that?
- Danny Wilde: I mean, he's not just gonna hand us over the manuscript, right? We're gonna have to break in and steal it!
- Lord Brett Sinclair: We're not very good at that.
- Danny Wilde: Uh, we're *lousy* at that.