'Necromania': A Tale of Weird Love!

Necromania (1971)

** (out of 4)

Danny and Shirley, a young couple suffering sexual problems, shows up at the house of Madame Heles (pronounced "Heals") in hopes that the witchdoctor can cure them. The problem is a rather hard on in the fact that Danny is having a problem rising to the occasion, which has left Shirley unsatisfied and gives her thoughts of ending the relationship. The Madame won't show up until midnight but thankfully there's a few other guests on hand who will try and tackle the hard job of saving the young couple.

Necromania was shot in the matter of days (if not one day) with the budget of $7,000. The film was shot in two versions, one hardcore version (54-minutes) as well as a softcore version (51-minutes), which is the one most people has seen thanks to various bootleg markets. The three minutes difference in running times is that of hardcore sex. We get a few money shots but there really isn't that much of a difference in the two. The soft version features mostly kissing and while I'm sure it would get an NC-17 rating today, it really isn't too graphic. This new uncut version does feature an extended ending as well as some more graphic sex.

I was fairly shocked to see how well this movie was directed. Yes, it doesn't take too much talent to film sex scenes but Wood actually keeps the film at a nice pace as well as keeps the so-called story going. We don't get any of the typical Wood craziness and the cast isn't nearly as bad as those in previous Wood films. For the most part this is just a sex film but thankfully we get some tasty Wood dialogue, which is a real hoot and again, the dialogue is actually good instead of the bad stuff that usually just makes us laugh at its dumbness. The girl has some wonderfully funny insult lines thrown at her boyfriend, which are quite clever in their own way.

Other interesting moments to Wood fans will be a short cameo by Criswell's coffin, which was previous used in Night of the Ghouls. Another charming moment is a small dedication from the director to his favorite star Bela Lugosi who has his name mentioned at the start of the film. Wood, being a huge fan of Lugosi makes a nice little turn to throw his name out there, which is nice to see. The sex scenes are not erotic but we do get some very funny dubbing, which never matches up to the lip movement. I won't get into graphic detail but while one woman has her mouth full, the words coming out is rather funny. Other funny moments include various sound effects used for laughs as well as a nice music score, which helps things move along.

Necromania isn't a classic Ed Wood film but I'm sure fans of the director will want to check it out. There's enough zany moments to keep Wood fans entertained and it's also interesting to note that the film is pretty well made considering this was probably the smallest budget Wood ever worked with and that's saying a lot.

As most Ed Wood fans know, he made sex movies during his final days. It was the only way he could get work (he also wrote sex novels), which is truly sad. NECROMANIA is unlike TAKE IT OUT IN TRADE (another "lost" Wood sleazy) in that it actually resembles a completed feature. All that's missing from the videotape are the hardcore sex scenes that were originally in the movie. As with most movies of this type, I didn't catch the plot. Basically there's a couple who visit a weird old house for some kind of "sex therapy". They switch partners a couple times, and the sex scenes are pretty much a lot of licking and kissing (but nothing x-rated). I'm not certain what NECROMANIA has to do with the story, but a woman dances with a skull in one scene, and there's a part where they stuff a living man in a coffin. It never manages to be scary, funny, or sexy. It only serves as a document of the unfortunate last years of a mad genius's life.

My life isn't much better nor worse having watched Necromania, it simply is (maybe a little weirder, till I go to bed). This starts off promisingly as the couple comes into this Madam Heles establishment and gets settled in, with some of the terrifically hackneyed and sub-par/awfully delivered dialog and performances you want from Wood Jr, mostly from the sometimes snarky and sometimes hapless male lead.

However (having watched the XXX version), a lot of the movie is spent watching the other lovers at this Madam Heles (like Heels and also "Heels" natche). One particular highlight, in knowing who the filmmaker was, is seeing the one other male character screw and how he lasts about five or six seconds and picturing the director on set ala the Bride of the Monster Lobo scene from Ed Wood 94 ("No, no it's real... you know, in every day life, this would happen to him every day"), though that's my own personal amusement.

The mostly un-erotic sex (a couple of the ladies have fine curves) and an occasional line or moment where a drowsy woman gets to have a doozy of a line leads to a casket scene that finally brings somewhat to a head the horror of the title, and it all comes down the male lead getting it up at last... which would be more impactful if we didn't already see him have a jump in the hay like ten minutes before (!) Unless if that isn't the point and it's just about having a good time in a casket (courtesy if Criswell, seriously).

This ultimately is not all that memorable from this iconic director - having a 7 grand budget, which was pennies compared to even Monster or Plan 9 - and if it didn't have his reputation I'm sure it would have remained obscure if not lost. I guess I'm glad I could see it once and laugh a few times, but it is also a kind of quintessential rental choice from Kim's Video at Alamo, which is how I saw it, as it was special enough to check out but not anywhere near quality to own.

This film was considered lost for many years, but eventually turned up in an abridged, 43-minute version (minus the hardcore scenes). The "plot" involves a young couple who try to persuade a female necromancer to help them resolve their sexual problems with witchcraft. Apparently the male partner is unable to get an erection (ironic in a film written by a guy named Wood). Porn star Rene Bond's false eyelashes are so thick, she goes through most of the film with her eyes actually closed. The film abounds with close-up shots of erect nipples and hairy crotches, but the sex scenes consist mostly of naked people licking each other's bellies and thighs, and moaning in ecstasy. There's quite a bit of lesbian action as well, as the unsatisfied females in the film resort to getting it on with each other. But I don't think anyone actually gets LAID in this film! The witch performs a ritual that involves rubbing a skull against her naughty bits, and at the end of the film, the impotent hero is stripped naked and forced to have sex with her in a coffin! The coffin was the same one Criswell used in Ed Wood's "NIGHT OF THE GHOULS" (1958). Ed Wood allegedly asked the famed 1950's horror host Vampira to play the part of the nude witch in the coffin scene, but she turned him down since at the time, she was wheelchair-bound, recovering from a stroke! The storyline in this film is so thin, it's hard to believe Ed Wood would even want to take credit for writing a piece of trash like this. While you might find the squirming crotch shots mesmerizing, this film is certainly NOT a good example of Ed Wood's scriptwriting ability. In fact, it might have been better if it had stayed lost.

I like bad movies. Some of my favorite films are really awful. This film is way beyond that. If you are an Ed Wood fan like myself this final chapter in the man's life is truly heartbreaking. "Necromania" was intended to be a dirty movie, it is certainly the most anti-erotic thing I have ever seen. Like most "erotic" films the plot seems like an afterthought. Something about a necromancer curing a guy of impotence?! The video released by SWV also includes footage from another Ed Wood nudie picture called "Flesh Feast". This one, starring Ed himself, is even worse; nothing but shameless exhibitionism. (Although Ed never takes off his boxers, thank God.) Apparently shot over the course of one day, we see Ed becoming increasingly drunk as the day goes on. Most telling line: "I can't make it! How much longer can this go on?" A very sad document. See it if you must, but don't even plan on getting any laughs, it's too pathetic.