Marcello Mastroianni credited as playing...
Don Mario
- Monsignor Caldana: You've got a mama, haven't you? And you know how mamas are. They like to keep their sons around the house but they prefer their sons to do their hanky panky out of the house, as long as they come home at night for dinner, and the church is a jealous mama like all mamas.
- Nun: Yes. The church is like a mama. You know that.
- Don Mario: Oh, so you're advising me to live in an ambiguous dirty way... to get myself a girlfriend on the sly... like those priests who go to bed with their housekeepers and the nuns.
- Nun: What is he saying about nuns?
- Don Mario: There isn't anything to worry about as far as you're concerned.
- Monsignor Caldana: Well, wh-what has this got to do with me? What are you asking for? Renounce your vows. Get castrated. I don't care! But leave me in peace. I'm too old, I'm too tired and I'm sick. I'm fed up with you and your vows of celibacy. That's all there is to it!
- [Nun jabs him with needle]
- Monsignor Caldana: Ahhh! St. Lorenzo the martyr!
- Nun: Shame on you. Just a nip in the bottom.
- Don Mario: A beautiful voice is a gift of God. And these days, it can even end as an investment. Look at Barbra Streisand!
- Valeria Billi: When will I see you?
- Don Mario: I don't know. May I be frank, Valeria? It isn't proper for a priest to go running around with a girl as - as exuberant as you.
- Valeria Billi: You find me attractive? Really?
- Don Mario: I really have to go, Valeria.
- Valeria Billi: Well, wait, Don Mario. Maybe what embarrasses you is the skirt? Mine, I mean. It's too short, isn't it?
- Don Mario: I never noticed; but, frankly, the skirt is too short.
- Don Mario: Go ahead, Valeria, unburden yourself. It will give us an idea of how you feel about your relations.
- Valeria Billi: If you really want me to? Should I tell you about me and Maurizio?
- Don Mario: Alright.
- Valeria Billi: Okay, I will. As a man, he satisfied me completely. When I was with him, I was a whole woman. I was completely fulfilled, physically and emotionally. Our love was like a force of nature. Untamed. Do you understand? We had sexual intercourse frequently and it always last a long time. Because, he and I were both very highly sexed. You realize, professor, that some women are highly sexed and some women are frigid. And I just happen to be one of the highly sexed ones. To give you an example...
- Don Mario: Yes, well, it was your social relations that I was referring to. Your relations to society; not your sexual exploits.
- Don Mario: What sort of work would you like to do then?
- Valeria Billi: The only thing I know how to do is sing. Before I worked with The Dropouts, I was with Cycles and before that with The Trippers. Those are music groups.
- Don Mario: I gathered as much.
- Valeria Billi: I was a pop singer before; then, I switched to romantic. It suited me better! Do you want me to hum something for you?
- Don Mario: If you like.
- Valeria Billi: [singing] My passion, my passion, my passion, My passion, my passion, my passion, It's hard to say when I miss you, It's only because I always do, My passion...
- Don Mario: My passion, my passion. The concept is very clear.
- Valeria Billi: Excuse me if I embarrass you sometimes.
- Don Mario: No.
- Valeria Billi: But, it's because I'm happy. Like now! I know, I know there can't be anything between us, but friendship.
- Don Mario: Of course! What else could there be? And what is more beautiful than friendship between a woman and a man?
- Valeria Billi: Well, there might be other things too.
- Don Mario: Where's the crayfish? Crayfish is the king of the fish soup.
- Valeria Billi: It smells delicious.
- Waitress: Alright, it's the king of the soup; but, we're in a republic!
- Don Mario: Look, I can't come here to you and say straight out what's on my mind. Besides being a priest, I'm a man. A mature man. Not a boy! I have a certain reserve that makes me beat around the bush. It's true! I beat around the bush!
- Don Mario: Come on, Valeria, would you like it if I told you straight out that the dress you have on is vulgar, that you're hairdo looks terrible and that you're putting on weight?
- Valeria Billi: Darling, you say you're in love with me. That you want me.
- Don Mario: That, I didn't say.
- Valeria Billi: Alright, you didn't say it. Priest or no priest, you're a man. At least, I hope so. So, get a move on. Do something. We can't keep playing brother and sister for the rest of our lives. Besides, I'm an only child.
- Don Mario: "Get a move on. Do something." But, what? How? I've been thinking about it for days. Don't think I haven't.
- Don Mario: I would like to point out that things are changing. In the 16th Century they were still arguing about whether women had souls. Today, women even have the right to stand at the alter, next to the priest.
- Monsignor Caldana: But, they have not started to go to bed with them.
- Don Mario: Unfortunately, they have!
- Don Mario: I've been told, the way my request is being handled, well, it will go through without a single hitch. All my papers are in order.
- Valeria Billi: Then when can we - how long before you get the dispensation?
- Don Mario: Oh, soon! Soon, soon. they promised it soon. The Bishop told me so. Of course, he said, don't rush things.