Terror at Orgy Castle

If you ever pick up a dictionary and look at the word 'boredom', underneath in the many definitions of the word would be the title of this film. If you ever thought endless scenes of soft-core sex set to lazy music could ever lull you to sleep more than a triple dose of Lunesta, you just pick up this DVD, buddy, and welcome to dreamland before you get halfway through the mercifully short running time. Looking for dubbed-over, cornball narration that will make you want to slap the 'mute' button on your TV? This is the place to look! The list of everything wrong with this film could probably take as long to read off as the running time, so in short order, save yourself the hard-earned scratch and spend some money on something better.

Terror at Orgy Castle (1971)

** (out of 4)

A couple on their honeymoon are touring Europe when they come across a castle that looks like a fun place to have sex. They end up spending the night there only to learn that the castle is being used for orgies and a black mass. Here's another sexploitation film mixed with horror elements that only Something Weird could (or would) release. The film is actually very well made and looks like it has a bigger budget than I'm sure it did. You know this is low budget as there isn't any soundtrack but instead just silly narration explaining everything that's going on. This is the first film I've seen from the director but from what I've read he would go onto make some pretty notorious films within the adult industry so perhaps that's why this looks so good. There's nothing hardcore here but we get countless softcore scenes and thankfully all the women are very attractive. The film runs a short 63-minutes and for most at that time we just get naked women in various situations. This here certainly isn't anything ground breaking and no one will mistake it for Citizen Kane but if it's sexploitation you're after then this film delivers pretty well. The sets were leftovers from Al Adamson's Blood of Dracula's Castle and Gallery of Horrors.

The scoring here may be a little generous but I was expecting little of this, certainly no terror or orgy, but it delivers. In truth one surely has to rate a film within it's genre or budget or intentions. It is no good rating a really good porno one star because it is not Citizen Kane, hence on occasion, like this, the scoring may appear a little high. Nevertheless, I have to report that I enjoyed this. The soundtrack consists of what sounds like a prog rock group warming up, interspersed with a demented church organist plus a narrator substituting for all dialogue, so not a lot going for it you would imagine. OK it is a little slow at times and the (well shot and sexy) sex scenes do seem to go on just a little too long BUT there is a sense of humour here, nothing is taken too seriously and the participants really seem to enjoy themselves. There are some surprisingly effective moments, not least the appearance of the Countess in the most fantastic psychedelic trouser suit. I actually applauded. There is also a fine subversive ending as the 'hero' carries his bride naked in his arms. Dare I say I was reminded here of Bunuel!!? Just enjoy it.

A couple on their honeymoon spend the night at a castle. Little do they know that there are some sinister things going on. Eventually they get caught up in the peversion and mayhem. The married couple are both attractive to look at (especially the bride, who is stunning), and there's enough nudity to satisfy even the most jaded of viewers. Soft-core regular Jane Tsentas makes an appearance and does a lot with a very small role. No dialog, as they hadn't the budget for sound. Instead, there is a voice-over narration. Good, harmless fun.

A young couple, Bill (William Howard) and Lisa (don't know who plays her, but she's a hottie), decide to spend a couple of days of their European vacation in a haunted castle, unaware that the owner (Bambi Allen) and her other guests are devil worshippers.

Terror At Orgy Castle: what a great title - shame that it's wasted on a dreadfully dull soft-core porn flick with mild horror trappings, a film made all the more boring by a really monotonous voice-over (seems like director Zoltan G. Spencer couldn't be arsed to record any sound while filming and added the narration afterwards).

As far as the sex goes, there's lots of it, although it's a case of strategically placed limbs and careful camera angles obscuring anything too explicit (there is, however, absolutely tons of full frontal nudity from both sexes); the horror is virtually non-existent - certainly nothing to inspire any terror!