Laurence Luckinbill credited as playing...
Richard
- Richard Messinger: What is that?
- Julie Messinger: What?
- Richard Messinger: There is something *alive* in your blouse!
- Julie Messinger: Oh, Richard. Are they really that noticeable?
- Richard Messinger: Noticeable? They are leaping out in the air and chinning themselves.
- Julie Messinger: Richard, I can't go up there. Everyone's going to notice them.
- Richard Messinger: Don't be ridiculous! The guest list includes Norman Mailer, Bernard Kalman and Saul Bellow. You'd have to be stark naked and bald to get a second look!
- Julie Messinger: Hey, you've gone soft! You bought the hamsters.
- Richard Messinger: No, I have not gone soft. I just want to be sure that if I die, I will generate enough guilt in my kids to drive them into analysis.
- Richard Messinger: Richard Messinger, the bestselling author of a famous children's novel, editor of a beloved New York picture magazine. Rich in comparison with the poor. Brilliant in comparison with the moderately intelligent. Happy in comparison with the glum. Dead at the tender age of 30 only after being put into comparison with the living!
- Julie Messinger: And those foolish people in the ghettos think they have problems!
- Richard Messinger: How about my wife's pair? Fantastic, aren't they? I think they're the best looking ones here.
- Julie Messinger: Richard, you are drunk and silly!
- Doria Perkins: He's right! They're really beautiful! Are they very old?
- Julie Messinger: *Pardon*?
- Richard Messinger: Oh, forgive my wife. She's blind drunk! Honey, she wants to know if the *earrings* are very old.
- Julie Messinger: Oh! No, I just bought them. Thank you.
- Pedicurist: The feet are very underrated. People never pay much attention to their feet. I think it's very important to keep them in tip-top shape.
- Richard Messinger: [Julie Messinger dreams her husband] I didn't want to tell you this... I don't know quite how but... honey, I strayed because you have lousy feet!
- Mrs. Wallman: [at the wedding gown store] Richard, really! Most husbands don't have the time let alone the interest to do this.
- Richard Messinger: That's because most husbands don't intend to dress up in their wife's clothes. Take it, we'll look wonderful in it.
- Julie Messinger: Richard, "horny" isn't even the word to describe what I feel right now. I just thought it would... I just thought it would be nice.
- Richard Messinger: Honey, a gift isn't a gift just because you decide to give it. You could give someone a grand piano. They would appreciate the gesture, but couldn't accept it because...
- Julie Messinger: ...because he couldn't play the piano?
- Richard Messinger: No. Because... his apartment is too small. You're upset now, aren't you?
- Julie Messinger: No, I'm not. I just don't know what I'm gonna do with my grand piano.
- Richard Messinger: [cuddling up to her] I love you, honey!
- [pushes her away]
- Richard Messinger: Now, get on your side of the bed... and let a man with only a few more hours to live get some sleep!
- Richard Messinger: [reading an ad in his magazine] What is this? The Third World Film Festival? A great Libyan classic? This has to be some sort of joke.
- Barney Halsted: Richard, let's not go through fifteen minutes of jokes about the Third World Film Festival.
- Richard Messinger: Well, I'm just bewildered. Why are all these countries black or Oriental... and where are Sweden and Denmark?
- Barney Halsted: Sweden and Denmark are not uncommited nations. All countries with a predominantly black population are uncomitted. All countries with a predominantly white population are A-OK. That's how we know which countries to invade.