Werewolves on Wheels

Like it or not, Werewolves On Wheels is the undisputed best of the biker/werewolf sub-genre. A chillin' little B-movie, that is well aware that it is a B-movie, hence the title. You can really tell these guys had fun making this. We begin with a biker gang riding across country. These aren't just any bikers, they're The Devil's Advocates, so we already know they're mean mothers. In reality, The Devil's Advocates are a bunch of crude, obnoxious drug-addicts on motorcycles, who like to think they're in cahoots with the Devil, but lately, there is some kind of evil hovering over them. As luck would have it, there is a psychic in the group, so, you know that he'll shed some light on the situation so they can locate this evil, and kick its ass. They decide that a nearby satanic church is the root of their alleged problems, once they arrive, they're distracted by all the free wine from the satanic monks, which gives them the chance to place a curse on The Devil's Advocates. A curse that would leave, at least one of them a werewolf. Now, with all of this going on, the guys decide to take it to the desert, so they can clear their heads, and say their ooblah-dooblah's, but, not before kicking all the monk's asses. Now, among the wide-open freedom of the desert, The Devil's Advocates can get as drunk, high, and rowdy as they please. The only problem is, every time everyone passes out, someone gets torn to shreds. Who knows? Maybe the psychic can help matters. Probably not, though.

Werewolves on Wheels, above all, is a good old-fashion fun B-movie, without a lot of thought put into continuity, or script, for that matter. They just went out there and entertained the drive-in crowd that it was clearly intended for. True, they could have explained things a little better, and the killings could have been better/gorier, but the atmosphere, score, and of course, the cheesy entertainment value more than make up for the flaws. For a much better example of a werewolf movie, check out Ginger Snaps, and for a much better example of life in the desert, check out The Chooper. Werewolves On Wheels certainly isn't one of the all time greats in werewolf horror, but as far as the biker/werewolf sub genre goes, look no further, because Werewolves On Wheels is the measuring stick. 7/10

This film is a masterpiece! Thrill to hairy, disgusting guys riding enormous motorcycles with no hands! Cringe in horror as they beat the living daylights out of some guy at a gas station. Wonder just what the heck is going on as hordes of barefoot monks descend from the hills to offer bread and wine. Keep your notebook handy, because a step-by-step lesson in dark spirit-summoning is there waiting for you (hint: freshly cut Hazelwood). Ponder the homoerotic subtext. See the worst Tarot card reading in all history. There's even a charming softshoe routine for the kids. There's a couple of decent corpses in this movie, too. and the soundtrack is hot, hot HOT!!! I liked the ending.

I can't give this high marks because a lot was left unrevealed, as if there was no cohesive story from the start. Was there symbology in the grime-covered skin of the Satanists transferring over to the bikers as they scuffle, only for the last bikers to fall into the life of deviltry? Was there symbolism in the free and savage outlaw lifestyle of bikers who simply followed their leader, who then turn into tribal dust-covered chanters around a campfire? Was there symbolism in the monks removing everything holy from the church and making it their own, leading unknown bikers to use their land for partying, thinking Christian monks would leave them to their own devices, not knowing that Satanic monks would force themselves onto them? It was entertaining enough though. The soundtrack helped invoke the carefree outlaw biker feel along with grit and decadence. Seemingly asexual character Tarot was the spiritual voice of reason that could save the day, while leader Adam was too mean and angry to hear reason, and the rest were just Yes Men to Adam, but Tarot also lacks conviction and faith, depending too much on his own understanding to convince others to act differently. As bikers go, it definitely had the feel, as werewolves go, it could have used a lot more. I didn't like the intensity of the Satanic rituals but you can't say Tarot didn't try to turn the others away.

If you watch B movies long enough, you'll learn that movies with goofy titles usually aren't very good at all, and this one is no exception. It plays like they only had a rough outline connecting a few scripted scenes, because a lot of the time the movie forgets the story and has the bikers basically goofing around until something bad happens. A low budget and clumsy camera work just add to the aura of shabbiness.

I can't completely dismiss it, because there are a few small but good touches here and there. Some of the music isn't bad, and there are also a few visuals (a gigantic flock of birds, desert landscapes) that do pop out and grab your eye. And there are also a few surreal sequences that do show that the filmmakers were not completely without imagination. But such moments are very few, and don't even get this movie up to the rank of movies to watch with fast-forward.

I have wanted to see this movie for YEARS, considering it has one of the greatest titles ever. What I was hoping for was bikers riding along in full wolfman makeup, like the poster suggests. What I got was hippies galavanting across a desert and two(I think its two, it might be just one) members of the crew change into wolf form within the last 2-3 minutes of the movie. I can't say that I think it's art, unless you can watch 'Manos, the Hands of Fate" and think that's art...attempted art, I suppose. To be clear, this movie is NOT as bad as Manos, as very few movies ever made are awful to that degree. Still, the title made me think I would enjoy this movie enthusiastically as it implies the kind of shlocky camp I find amusing and I came away incredibly disappointed...and bored.