Gene Wilder credited as playing...
Willy Wonka
- Mrs. Gloop: Don't just stand there, do something!
- Willy Wonka: [unenthusiastically] Help. Police, Murder.
- Willy Wonka: [into Mr. Salt's ear, singing softly] A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.
- Willy Wonka: Try some more. The strawberries taste like strawberries, and the snozzberries taste like snozzberries.
- Veruca Salt: Snozzberries? Who ever heard of a snozzberry?
- Willy Wonka: [grabbing Veruca's mouth and pinching it a bit to hold it open] *We* are the music makers... and *we* are the dreamers of dreams.
- Mr. Salt: [noticing signs on vats] Wonka. Butterscotch? Buttergin? Got a little something going on the side?
- Willy Wonka: Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.
- Willy Wonka: There's no earthly way of knowing/Which direction they are going... There's no knowing where they're rowing...
- Mr. Salt: [weakly echoing] Rowing...
- Willy Wonka: Or which way the river's flowing... Is it raining, is it snowing?/Is a hurricane a-blowing?
- [sharp gasp]
- Willy Wonka: Not a speck of light is showing/So the danger must be growing... Are the fires of Hell a-glowing?/Is the grisly Reaper mowing?/Yes! The danger must be growing/'Cause the rowers keep on rowing/
- [practically screaming]
- Willy Wonka: And they're certainly not showing/Any sign that they are slowing!
- [lets out a high-pitched, almost unearthly scream]
- Willy Wonka: [touching the gobstopper Charlie has just set on his desk] So shines a good deed in a weary world.
- Mr. Salt: What is this, Wonka? Some kind of funhouse?
- Willy Wonka: [glances back at him] Why? Are you having fun?
- Mrs. Gloop: [Augustus is now sucked into the suction pipe which takes him to the vertical pipe] He can't swim.
- Willy Wonka: There's no better time to learn.
- Willy Wonka: How did you like the chocolate factory, Charlie?
- Charlie: I think it's the most wonderful place in the whole world!
- Willy Wonka: I'm very pleased to hear you say that, because I'm giving it to you.
- Grandpa Joe: [sounding shocked] You're giving Charlie the...?
- Willy Wonka: I can't go on forever, and I don't really want to try. So who can I trust to run the factory when I leave and take care of the Oompa Loompas for me? Not a grown up. A grown up would want to do everything his own way, not mine. So that's why I decided a long time ago that I had to find a child. A very honest, loving child, to whom I could tell all my most precious candy making secrets.
- Charlie: So that's why you sent out the golden tickets!
- Willy Wonka: That's right. So the factory is yours, Charlie. You can move in immediately.
- Grandpa Joe: And me?
- Willy Wonka: Absolutely.
- Charlie: But what happens to the rest...?
- Willy Wonka: The whole family. I want you to bring them all.
- [Willy and Charlie hug]
- [last lines]
- Willy Wonka: But Charlie, don't forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he always wanted.
- Charlie: What happened?
- Willy Wonka: He lived happily ever after.
- Willy Wonka: [singing] If you want to view paradise, simply look around and view it. Anything you want to, do it; want to change the world... there's nothing to it.
- Charlie: Mr. Wonka, they won't really be burned in the furnace, will they?
- Willy Wonka: Hm... well, I think that furnace is only lit every other day, so they have a good sporting chance, haven't they?
- Grandpa Joe: Mr. Wonka?
- Willy Wonka: [pointedly ignoring him and Charlie] I am extraordinarily busy, sir.
- Grandpa Joe: [tentatively] I just wanted to ask about the chocolate. The-the lifetime supply of chocolate, for Charlie. Wh-When does he get it?
- Willy Wonka: He doesn't.
- Grandpa Joe: Why not?
- Willy Wonka: Because he broke the rules.
- Grandpa Joe: What rules? We didn't see any rules, did we, Charlie?
- [Charlie shakes his head briefly]
- Willy Wonka: [springs up from his chair, angrily] Wrong, sir! Wrong! Under section 37B of the contract signed by him, it states quite clearly that all offers shall become null and void if - and you can read it for yourself in this photostatic copy:
- [grabs a magnifying glass and reads]
- Willy Wonka: I, the undersigned, shall forfeit all rights, privileges, and licenses herein and herein contained, et cetera, et cetera... Fax mentis incendium gloria cultum, et cetera, et cetera... Memo bis punitor delicatum!
- [slams the contract copy and the magnifying glass down, continues shouting]
- Willy Wonka: It's all there, black and white, clear as crystal! You stole fizzy lifting drinks! You bumped into the ceiling which now has to be washed and sterilized, so you get nothing! You lose! Good day, sir!
- [turns back to his work]
- Grandpa Joe: [shocked] You're a crook. You're a cheat and a swindler! That's what you are!
- [angrily]
- Grandpa Joe: How could you do a thing like this, build up a little boy's hopes and then smash all his dreams to pieces? You're an inhuman monster!
- Willy Wonka: [shouts even louder] I said good day!
- Grandpa Joe: Come on, Charlie, let's get out of here. I'll get even with him if it's the last thing I'll ever do. If Slugworth wants a Gobstopper, he'll get one.
- Violet Beauregarde: Well, they can't be real people.
- Willy Wonka: Why, of course they're real people.
- Mr. Salt: Stuff and nonsense!
- Willy Wonka: No, Oompa Loompas.
- The Group: [turning around] Oompa Loompas?
- Willy Wonka: From Loompaland.
- Mrs. Teevee: Loompaland? There's no such place.
- Willy Wonka: Excuse me, dear lady, but...
- Mrs. Teevee: Mr. Wonka, I am a teacher of geography.
- Willy Wonka: Oh, well, then you know all about it and what a terrible country it is. Nothing but desolate wastes and fierce beasts. And the poor little Oompa Loompas were so small and helpless, they would get gobbled up right and left. A Wangdoodle would eat ten of them for breakfast and think nothing of it. And so, I said, "Come and live with me in peace and safety, away from all the Wangdoodles, and Hornswogglers, and Snozzwangers, and rotten, Vermicious Knids."
- Mr. Salt: Snozzwangers? Vermicious Knids? What kind of rubbish is that?
- Willy Wonka: I'm sorry, but all questions *must* be submitted in writing. And so, in the greatest of secrecy, I transported the entire population of Oompa Loompas to my factory here.
- Veruca Salt: Hey, Daddy, *I* want an Oompa Loompa! I want you to get me an Oompa Loompa right away!
- Mr. Salt: All right, Veruca, all right. I'll get you one before the day is out.
- Veruca Salt: [whining] I want an Oompa Loompa now!
- Violet Beauregarde: Can it, you nit!
- Mike Teevee: Look at me, I'm gonna be be the first person in the world to be sent by television!
- Mrs. Teevee: Mike, get away from that thing!
- Willy Wonka: [unenthusiastically] Stop. Don't. Come back.
- Mike Teevee: Lights, camera, *action*!
- Mrs. Gloop: He's gone! He'll be made into marshmallows in five seconds.
- Willy Wonka: Impossible, my dear lady! That's absurd! Unthinkable!
- Mrs. Gloop: Why?
- Willy Wonka: Because that pipe doesn't go to the marshmallow room, it goes to the fudge room!
- Mrs. Gloop: You terrible man!