Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things

Bob Clark was always more interested in comedy, even when making horror. The problem has always been, for me at least, that his sense of humor was too stupid and infantile to ever be funny, or even believable when coming from the mouth of anybody over the age of ten. And so in 'Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things' we have a bunch of grown adults behaving like elementary school children – pouting, whining, giggling and taunting their way from one pointless scene to another. Though the characters' childishness is supposed to be a plot point (hence the title), it's so tedious, repetitive and irritating as to make the first 2/3 of the movie almost unwatchable. Writer Alan Ormsby, badly miscast as the lead character, delivers one of the most embarrassing and cringeworthy performances I've ever seen. And don't get me started on the ridiculous caricatures of two gay men that pop up half way through.

It's worth sitting through all the Scooby Doo bullsh*t for a final act that seems like it was plucked from another, and far superior, movie. Sure, it's a complete rip-off of 'Night of the Living Dead', with everyone trapped in a house under siege by the undead hoards, but after such an appalling first hour, even blatant plagiarism is a welcome relief. But anyone expecting Tom Savini-style blood and guts will be sorely disappointed – 'Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things' is rated PG for a reason.

The hand-held camera-work is a nice touch, and the dark and grainy film stock lends a certain low-fi analogue appeal, but such aesthetic niceties are rendered redundant thanks to Orsmby's incompetence as both a writer and actor. There are a couple of scenes that are genuinely arresting – the sight of the undead scrambling out of their graves to the accompaniment of a raucous ambient industrial soundtrack works well, and one of the final shots, of zombies tumbling in to an upstairs bedroom in slow motion has a certain raw and gritty realism about it.

'Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things' is an ultra low-budget, played-for-laughs, light-hearted zombie flick whose great final act is not compensation enough for an hour of risible and tedious nonsense. But maybe I'm missing the point. Maybe Clark intended this to be the first ever zombie movie for kids. As such, it may be of great value as a preschool introduction to the genre before advancing to better examples.

This is how they should do horror movies nowadays. This one is not as good as other zombie movies like "Dawn Of The Dead" or "Zombie Flesheaters" but it has it´s potential. A group of people come to a remote island and start to do satanic rituals to wake up the dead. The whole satanic ritual thing seems to fail but who knows what awaits them. The whole movie is dark and scary. This is how i would like to see movies being made today. What about the ending??? Yessssssss i like it very much. He he he he.........

Interesting tidbit, I used to live in the house where the movie was shot. It belongs to my ex-mother-in-law. And trust me she is much scarier than any zombie! The site is located in Coconut Grove in Miami, Fl. She actually purchased the property with the original house that appeared in the movie but prior to her being able to start renovating the original house it burned down. She later built a new home on the same site. Interesting enough after Hurricane Andrew blew by in 1992 it knocked over a huge avocado tree in the backyard and my ex-brother-in-law and I dug up tons of old turn of the century bottles that had been buried under the tree. Even more interesting the late Marjorie Stoneman Douglas the great conservationist champion used to frequent the home which was once owned by the Deering family and would summer there. The home she lived in until she passed away is just a few blocks away... Yes a very interesting piece of land with a very interesting history. And don't get me started on my own personal ghostly experiences at the house!!! Really!

This campy, offbeat Night of the Living Dead variant (on a far smaller budget) is creative and truly frightening. Alan Ormsby is a flamboyant, tryannical director who drags his rep company to an island for mean-spirited pranks in the cemetary. The actors, wishing to keep their jobs, play along. The "fun" climaxes when Alan uses an unearthed corpse named Orville in a mock Satanic ritual to raise the dead. What starts as an amusing (if slightly unfocused) comedy makes the transition into dark character study, revealing the truly dysfunctional relationship between Alan and his actors. He drops any pretense of fun and starts badgering, berating, and abusing the troupe--who, employment or no employment, are pushed to the breaking point. But the night isn't over yet. It seems that the ritual actually worked, and in a truly breathtaking sequence, the dead rise from their graves and close in on the living.

I saw CSPWDT on videotape, alone, as dusk melted into night. When it ended, I was shivering. This is true nightmare material. Though not as graphic as some, it's a strong PG, with surprising bursts of gore and implied necrophilia. The performances are thoroughly convincing--though subtlety may not be the actors' strong suit--with standout turns from Anya Ormsby (Alan's wife, resembling a demented Lynn Lowry) and sarcastic Valerie Mamches. The grainy, unpolished photography and claustrophobic atmosphere make it all the more effective. A deserved cult classic, this is perfect for Halloween and a must-see. Kill the lights and find out why Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things.

This is one of those great horror movies where the only problems can be found in corporate faults. This movie is full of great characters (even the character you're supposed to hate is really interesting), with good acting to back up the great story. I also like how Alan's necrophiliac desires are really underplayed by how the film is made. Some people won't even catch them the first time they watch it, which gives this an oddly intellectual angle. Also, most of the make-up FX are truly amazing in such a low-budget movie. The close-ups of some of these zombies really make that obvious, which makes me wonder how people could trash on these excellent make-up jobs. You want to see some bad make-up? See "Redneck Zombies", it will redefine what bad make-up is for you. Anyway, this movie is good at the black humor and just as good with the chills. This being a PG film without hardly any blood, I was surprised to find that the zombie attack scenes had an intensity to them that greatly rivaled those in "NOTLD" without hardly any gore. (Still, I do want to see the uncut version available through some import services and see why that version was rated for people 18 and over!) Another thing I love about this movie is that it has some of the greatest atmosphere to it. It retains a classic, dark-foggy-night horror feel throughout, with even the slowest of moments having a definite creepiness to them. It's also great to see a horror movie with zombies that relies more on the characters than blood and guts for a change. Many criticize this for being too slow, but I enjoyed every minute of it. A very sadly underrated and ultimately overlooked masterpiece of indie horror.