The Rats Are Coming! The Werewolves Are Here!

Rats Are Coming! The Werewolves Are Here!, The (1972)

BOMB (out of 4)

Legend has it that Milligan turned in a 72-minute werewolf movie but the producer wanted a longer running time. WILLARD was making big bucks at the box office so twenty-minutes worth of rat footage was thrown in. The end result is one of the greatest titles in the history of cinema but that doesn't save you from the torture of sitting through the actual film. A wacky bride takes her new husband home to meet her even nuttier relatives and he soon discovers that they're all crazy and hiding a big secret (they're werewolves). This was my fourth Milligan movies and I'm a firm believer that those on Death Row should be forced to watch his movies for the rest of their lives because it's a punishment far worse than death or torture. In fact, while watching this movie there were several times where I started to fantasize about being put to death in the electric chair because it would have gotten me out of my misery a lot quicker than sitting through this mess of a picture. This is basically an incredibly bad, long winded and painful melodrama about family "struggles" with only the briefest of hints in regards to what the title offers. I was well aware of this going into the film but it didn't help matters because the dialogue, for the most part, is poorly written and there's not an ounce of energy to be found anywhere. The performances aren't as bad as you'd think but that really doesn't improve the film any. At least bad acting would have given us something to laugh at. People like Wood and Adamson are often attacked for being bad directors but at least they give the viewer something fun. That can't be said for Milligan whose ability to keep finding producers really makes me scratch my head. This is an incredibly horrid movie from start to finish and we also get several scenes were real animals are harmed so certain viewers might want to stay away if the horrid film itself wasn't enough to keep you away. Just wait to you see the rat attacks and the insane ending.

The thing that attracted me to this movie was, of course, the bizarre and over the top title, but to be honest I wish the movie had been given a more generic name. This is the fourth film I've seen by the talentless Andy Milligan, and it's the third completely awful one. It would seem the director has an obsession with rich families and inheritance, as this is yet another film with a similar theme to Blood Rites and its crappy remake Legacy of Blood. This time, there's a family curse involving werewolves thrown in, but this doesn't make things any more interesting as the terrible acting and production values are still there, and this really is an awfully boring film. The plot pacing is trite throughout, and the film was giving me an itchy fast-forward finger before the final credits finally rolled. The special effects are tacky and ineffective, and there's not a single decent gore scene in the entire movie. Add extremely poor sound into the mix, and you have a film that isn't only boring and similar to other crappy Andy Milligan films, but one that you can't even understand! Overall, I wouldn't be callous enough to recommend this dross to even my worst enemy and you should take that as a reason not to bother seeing it.

The utterly insane Mooney family has many problems, the least of which is lycanthropy. Their biggest deficit stems from just how bloody annoying they all are!

When daughter, Diana (Jackie Skarvellis) brings her new husband, Gerald home for a visit, the family really turns out! Sister, Monica shows her true eeevil. Feral brother, Malcolm lives in his chicken-filled room, raving like a rabid squirrel, even when he's not being set on fire. Pa Mooney grumbles in his pompous way, in between neck injections.

Luckily, Gerald is accustomed to horrible families, having come from one of his own.

Soon enough, everyone is yelling at each other in histrionic hysteria. Monica beats Malcolm, who caterwauls like a wounded hyena. Chickens are mercilessly murdered in the family dungeon. A mouse is stabbed with a butcher knife, then nailed to a table (yes, the graphic animal torture is all too real! If you are disturbed by such sadistic, idiot behavior, then, by all means, avoid this travesty!).

THE RATS ARE COMING! THE WEREWOLVES ARE HERE! Is a rugged test of endurance, recommended for only the stoutest of hyper-schlock, sludge, and sub-sludge enthusiasts! Even they will require protective eyewear! Normal viewers may feel their souls separate from their bodies, experiencing what the scholars refer to as "sweet oblivion"! Indeed, this "film" may cause living death!

What establishes this Andy Milligan anti-opus far below other, lesser cesspool-filler, is its extreme, brain-liquifying aura of stupefaction. The delirious "dialogue" unites with the mannequin-like "acting", pounding away at the mind like a slaughterhouse bolt gun! Add in the trance-inducing tedium, and you'll feel mummified!

Anyone making it to the impossibly inept, shape-shifting non-finale can be thankful, yet wonder why they bothered.

God help us all...

That's right, that'll fix everything, just add scenes involving rats, now it's a good movie! Why would someone want to ruin a perfectly good 72 minute British horror movie about werewolf stuff, with 20 minutes dedicated to rats, just so it can be a 92 minute movie about werewolf stuff? OK, fine, there was never anything perfectly good about The Rats Are Coming, The Werewolves are here, we're looking at bad Acting (like it matters) worse lighting, an extremely not well thought out plot, with a poor choice of sub plot thrown in at the last minute. On the other hand, this movie gets pretty interesting, and would be considered underrated by some. Hell, I'll just say it, I dig this movie. Set in 1899, concerning an eccentric British family of bickering werewolf people in their castle. The 180 year old bed-ridden Patriarch, with his immortality experiments and what not, the sadistic middle daughter, Monica, who torments her half werewolf, half retarded brother Malcolm, and a couple older siblings. The bickering werewolf people are soon joined by the estranged, youngest daughter, Diana and her new husband, Gerald. Gerald is warned by the family members, repeatedly to leave, In fact, Monica is so displeased by the new guests, she brings rats into the situation, hence, the ridiculous title. There is a secret in the Mooney household, and as time goes by, it becomes less clear who can be trusted, but, I guess nothing overly special happens, like gore, although, we're treated to a nice little twist, which always counts for something in the horror genre. Ultimately, this isn't near as bad as it seems during the first viewing, could even pass for original, if your standards are low enough. For quality British Horror, check out Vampyres, and Psychomania, and for (slightly) better werewolves, check out Werewolves On Wheels. The Rats Are Coming, The Werewolves are here is reserved Only for those of us who have a thing for rare British Horror, as well as unusual/interesting Z-grade. The moral of the story? Inviting rats into a movie about werewolf stuff will never be a good idea, yet, awkward references to incest will always be hilarious. 7/10

Most people seem to hate this movie and basically anything associated with director Milligan. It's slow moving, has awful make-up and lighting and a huh (!?) chaotic ending, but some of the performances are actually pretty good, the overkill melodrama is hilarious and it's kind of interesting...for awhile.

In England, poor Gerald (Ian Innes) is in for a treat when he visits the family mansion of his new bride Diana (Jackie Skarvellis). Pa Mortimer (Douglas Phair) is a bedridden grouch, older sister Monica (Hope Stansbury) is a childish psycho, mom Phoebe (Joan Ogden) is a miserable mess and retarded brother Malcolm (Berwick Kaler) is kept chained-up in a secret room. Only the older brother seems normal. Something isn't right, as the son-in-law soon realizes, but his wife won't let him leave. Yes...they all turn out to be werewolves guarding the family secret.

The older insane daughter torments the chained up brother by insulting him and beating him with a belt in some outrageous out-of-place scenes. She also buys a cage full of flesh-eating rats from a grimy vendor and in a shocking, standout scene, nails a REAL rat on a board! The whole rat idea has no relevance to the plot and was added by the director to bulk up the running time and cash in on the success of WILLARD, so that (sort of) explains the title.