Coral Browne credited as playing...
Lady Claire Gurney
- Lady Claire Gurney: How do you know you're God?
- Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: Simple. When I pray to Him, I find I am talking to myself.
- Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: Join me for a constitutional before lunch, Mr. Tucker.
- Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: [to others]
- Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: Enjoy yourselves while I'm gone. Relax. Have sex.
- Lady Claire Gurney: [shocked] My... GOD!
- Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: [peeping in as if he had been called back] Yes?
- Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: Surely you pray for love and understanding?
- Lady Claire Gurney: Every night...
- Lady Claire Gurney: [glancing pointedly at her husband] ... without success.
- Lady Claire Gurney: How dare you bring that woman here!
- Sir Charles: You should be very grateful to Miss Shelley.
- Lady Claire Gurney: Grace Shelley is your mistress.
- Sir Charles: Miss Shelley is just a hard working girl.
- Lady Claire Gurney: On her back!
- Lady Claire Gurney: How did it happen? How did you come to be in this state?
- Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: Like every prophet I saw visions, I heard voices, I ran. The voices of Saint Frances, Socrates, General Gordon, and Timothy Leary, they all told me I was God. It was Sunday, August the 5th, at 3:32.
- Lady Claire Gurney: That's very clever, but ah is it true?
- Dr. Herder: Don't come to me for the truth only explanation.
- Lady Claire Gurney: Why does he keep on about love?
- Dr. Herder: Because he wants us all to love goodness. To love goodness is to love God. To love God is to love the 14th Earl of Gurney.
- Sir Charles: Where'd they go?
- Lady Claire Gurney: To bed, of course.
- Dinsdale Gurney: I must say, I wouldn't like to be in her shoes tonight.
- Tucker: It's not her shoes he'll be in, Master Dinsdale.
- Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: I can't marry a second time.
- Lady Claire Gurney: You're already married?
- Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: August 28, in the year of me, 1964.
- Sir Charles: Claire! I said, Ralph is back.
- Lady Claire Gurney: Thank you, Charles. I'll have a vodka and tonic.
- Dinsdale Gurney: I say, guv'nor, the guv'nor is back. Mummy, I was just telling the guv'nor that the guv'nor is back.
- Lady Claire Gurney: Charles! With ice.
- Dinsdale Gurney: I'm repeating myself, calling the guv'nor the guv'nor and Daddy the guv'nor as well.
- Lady Claire Gurney: What does it feel like to be God?
- Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: Like a river flowing everywhere. I pick up a newspaper, and I'm everywhere - conducting a summit conference, dying of hunger in a Peruvian gutter, accepting the Nobel Prize for literature, raping a nun in Sumatra. Under this protective outer shell - I'm God-filled.
- Lady Claire Gurney: What should we call you then?
- Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: Any of the nine billion names of God. Your Lordship will do, or J.C., Eric, Bert, Barney Entwistle. I know exactly who I am.
- Lady Claire Gurney: You heard what he said, Charles.
- Sir Charles: I did. Destroying property. All men are equal. Do you know what this means, Claire? He's not only mad, he's Bolshie!
- Dinsdale Gurney: I say, where is the guv'nor? Ah, is that tea, Tucker? Just the job.
- Lady Claire Gurney: He's in town, trying to find a way around this mess.
- Dinsdale Gurney: When's he back?
- Lady Claire Gurney: Oh, any time now, if he doesn't drop in on his mistress first.
- Lady Claire Gurney: Doctor, how are my questions revealing?
- Dr. Herder: The first one you asked me was about love.
- Lady Claire Gurney: All right, if you're God, reveal your godhead.
- [14th Earl unzips his trousers and walks towards Lady Claire]
- Lady Claire Gurney: Dr. Herder is furious.
- Sir Charles: Furious? He's got no right to be furious. He's not family.
- Lady Claire Gurney: He could make things difficult by having Jack declared insane before he's produced an heir.
- Sir Charles: Damned Kraut. You'll have to keep your eye on him, my dear. I'm gonna have me hands full getting Grace married and pregnant.
- Lady Claire Gurney: If I press a button, you'll feel fear? Love?
- Dr. Herder: Love? No. Desire. Yes.
- Lady Claire Gurney: What, by pressing a little button?