Laurence Olivier credited as playing...
Andrew Wyke
- Andrew Wyke: It's sex! Sex is the game! Marriage is the penalty. Round and round we jog towards each futile anniversary. Pass "Go". Collect 200 rows, 200 silences, 200 scars in the deep places.
- Andrew Wyke: For Christ sake Milo, they couldn't have made more noise on D-Day.
- Milo Tindle: The bloody glass came out, my bloody boot got stuck and I fell down the bloody ladder.
- Andrew Wyke: Well the bloody police must have heard it all the way to bloody Salisbury.
- Milo Tindle: I'm sorry.
- Milo Tindle: Alright, I'll do it. Where do you want me to break in?
- Andrew Wyke: Not so fast. You've got to get disguised first.
- Milo Tindle: What for?
- Andrew Wyke: Suppose somebody saw you coming.
- Milo Tindle: Here? In the middle of nowhere? I could hardly find this place with a bloody map!
- Andrew Wyke: You never know. A dallying couple, a passing sheep-rapist.
- Andrew Wyke: [picking out a possible disguise for the phony robbery] One black facemask, one black flat cap, a striped jersey and a bag marked "Swag".
- Milo Tindle: Why not a neon sign with "Burglar" on it?
- Andrew Wyke: You said everything was in plain view!
- Milo Tindle: Well aren't I the shifty old sly boots, then.
- Andrew Wyke: On the morning of his execution, King Charles the First put on two shirts. 'If I tremble with the cold,' he said, 'my enemies will say it was from fear. I will not expose myself to such reproaches.' We must also attempt this Anglo-Saxon dignity as you mount the steps to the scaffold.
- Andrew Wyke: It's a good thing, I am pretty much of an Olympic sexual athlete.
- Milo Tindle: Yes, I suppose these days you are concentrating more on the sprints than on the long distance stuff.
- Andrew Wyke: Not so dear boy! I am in the peak of condition. I could copulate for England at any distance.
- Milo Tindle: Well, as they say in the Olympics, it's not the winning, it's the taking part that counts.
- Andrew Wyke: You're not giving me any kind of a chance, you sadistic bloody Wop!
- Milo Tindle: I hope I didn't hear that correctly...
- Milo Tindle: Why don't you ask yourself how your man Merridick would go about the search?
- Andrew Wyke: Merridew! St. John Lord Merridew!
- Milo Tindle: It looks like you've had it. They're coming up the drive.
- Andrew Wyke: Keep them out!
- Milo Tindle: Keep the police out? It's just not done, old boy. But still, I'll try.
- Andrew Wyke: Finally, at your moment of dying, you are yourself - a sniveling, dago clown. Farewell, Punchinello!
- Milo Tindle: Please!
- Andrew Wyke: [fires the gun]
- Andrew Wyke: You shit!
- Milo Tindle: Grazie mille.
- Andrew Wyke: You all-time, knockdown, champion BASTARD, Milo!
- Milo Tindle: You're too kind.
- Andrew Wyke: Whether I love her or not, I found her. I've kept her. She represents me. Once, she was in love with me.
- Milo Tindle: And now she's in love with me. And you can't forgive that.