The Thing with Two Heads

I must start off by saying I love "B" movies, but even if you aren't normally a "B" movie fan you will get a kick out of this 1972 American International Picture. This movie pairs Ray Milland as a bigoted doctor who is dying of cancer who has his head transplanted on to the body of wrongly confused death row inmate Rosey Grier. The whole movie is bizarre from start to finish. Watch the two head gorilla run amok in a grocery store! See Rosey and Ray on a motorcycle trying to outrun the fuzz! Whoever came up with the concept for this turkey must have been on crack cocaine or LSD. One has to wonder what made Academy Award winner Ray Milland to even consider doing this movie. He had to be drunk, completely broke or both to appear in this mess. This movie is so bad it's great! If you have never seen this movie I recommend that you rent it and then call over a group of friends, break out the beer and the popcorn and then sit back for a fun evening.

Every time this film shows up on cable, I just watch it in wonder. If they thought they were making a parody, they didn't succeed; and they couldn't have been serious, could they?

Weak script, bad effects, boring chase scenes. Couldn't be worse...

Yet, shockingly, I watch it every time in total amazement. I sometimes do an exercise by putting myself in Ray Milland's place in an attempt to practice empathy.

It is the best worst movie I ever saw. I love it every time. Help me, please help me.

"The Thing with Two Heads" is a masterpiece of 1970's explotiation. Everything is here: a no-talent Football star actor (Rosey Grier), Pre-"Smokey and the Bandit" car chases, motorcycles, blaxploitation cliches galore, cheap monsters, no budget, beyond-bad dialogue, a director who thought he was moving up and out of the porno industry, and, of course, the great Ray Milland, star of the incomparable 1970's classic "Frogs". Classic scenes: Convicted convict Grier comes out of anesthesia and expresses suprise and dismay at finding Ray Milland's head attached to his body. Grier: "What did you guys do to me?" Milland, sounding petulent: "We transplanted my head onto your body--now shut up!"

Grier and Milland (the two heads on Rosey's body, remember) show up at Grier's girlfriend's apartment in search of refuge from the cops: Grier: (noticing his gal's shock at seeing his 2-headed condition) "Don't worry baby, I won't hurt you." Girlfriend (looking unsure): "You get into more s***."

The whole film is like this. HIGH-larious. No one could do this on purpose, and that's what makes this 1970's classic such a fantastic find.

The head of a white bigoted doctor (sadly Ray Milland) is attached to the body of a wrongly convicted black man (Rosey Grier) on Death Row. Unfortunately, Grier's head is still attached. It escapes from a hospital and tries to clear Grier's name while Milland's head tries to take control of the body.

Totally ridiculous AIP movie which bears a more than passing resemblance to 1971's "Incredible Two-Headed Transplant". This movie doesn't take itself too seriously (how could it?) which helps--but only so much.

With the exception of Milland the acting is lousy and the script has howlers that you just can't believe (ex: when Grier's girlfriend first sees him with Milland's head she says, "Honey, I know you don't like answering questions, but HOW did this happen?"). Basically this is a very bad movie but in a good way. The scenes of Milland and Grier arguing are truly funny and there's a very long (at least 20 minutes) but fun chase with tons of police cars chasing Grier/Milland on a motorcycle. Not even remotely good but fun.

Another great line from Grier's girlfriend: "Do you have two of anything else?"

In THE THING WITH TWO HEADS, Ray Milland (X: THE MAN WITH THE X-RAY EYES, FROGS) is Maxwell Kirshner, the irascible, bigoted head of the Kirshner Transplant Foundation. Arthritis has destroyed Kirshner's body, and he's contracted terminal cancer, so he comes up with a brilliant, novel plan to escape his ancient, dying frame. Indeed, he decides to transplant his dome onto a physically healthier body. His animal trials have already gone quite well.

WARNING: Contains The Hideous, Two-Headed Go-rilla Running Amok Sequence!

The question becomes, who would volunteer for such a procedure? Well, thanks to the penal system, a death-row convict is quickly supplied. Enter Jack Moss (Roosevelt "Rosey" Grier). Of course, Kirshner knows nothing about the body he is about to be grafted to. The surgery is performed.

WARNING: Contains The Nearly Lifelike, Rubber Kirshner And Moss Heads!

Let the hilarity begin! A perfectly preposterous film that could only have been made in the 1970's, it does have something to say about racism. It's schlock content is astronomical, and if it weren't for Milland and Grier, all would surely have been lost. They are magic together, in an Archie Bunker sewn onto George Jefferson sort of way.

Ultimately, the movie devolves into a typical series of chase scenes. Well, typical for a two-headed man movie! Watch for the dirt bike rally! Also, for added fun, try to count the number of police cruisers that are destroyed!

A credit to its sub-genre...