The Thing with Two Heads

"The Thing with Two Heads" is a masterpiece of 1970's explotiation. Everything is here: a no-talent Football star actor (Rosey Grier), Pre-"Smokey and the Bandit" car chases, motorcycles, blaxploitation cliches galore, cheap monsters, no budget, beyond-bad dialogue, a director who thought he was moving up and out of the porno industry, and, of course, the great Ray Milland, star of the incomparable 1970's classic "Frogs". Classic scenes: Convicted convict Grier comes out of anesthesia and expresses suprise and dismay at finding Ray Milland's head attached to his body. Grier: "What did you guys do to me?" Milland, sounding petulent: "We transplanted my head onto your body--now shut up!"

Grier and Milland (the two heads on Rosey's body, remember) show up at Grier's girlfriend's apartment in search of refuge from the cops: Grier: (noticing his gal's shock at seeing his 2-headed condition) "Don't worry baby, I won't hurt you." Girlfriend (looking unsure): "You get into more s***."

The whole film is like this. HIGH-larious. No one could do this on purpose, and that's what makes this 1970's classic such a fantastic find.

If you thought THE DEFIANT ONES was the ultimate in forced race relations, try watching this horror classic from "adults only" vets Lee Frost and Wes Bishop! Ray Milland (yes, the same Ray Milland who won a Best Actor Oscar for his excellent turn in 1945's THE LOST WEEKEND) is a brilliant-but-racist brain surgeon who is dying, but has perfected a way to live on through head-transplants. Someone out there decides to teach him a lesson by placing his bigoted noggin on the body of a black convict (former professional football star Rosey Grier). The heads fight, punch each other and go through many other genuinely (and unintentionally) hilarious slapstick scenes. Try not to laugh watching Grier running around or riding on a motorcycle with a ridiculous-looking fake dummy-head planted on his shoulders.

Not to be confused with THE INCREDIBLE TWO HEADED TRANSPLANT (1971) or Andy Milligan's THE MAN WITH TWO HEADS (1972).

Score: 5 out of 10 (Though a MUST for camp aficionados!)

Rosey Grier and Ray Milland are the most dynamic pairing in cinematic history. I used to think it couldn't get much better than Hepburn and Tracy but I was wrong. When I was enrolled in an anger management class, one of our exercises was to watch this film and then team up in groups of four to reflect on it and make macaroni drawings. I painted my macaroni red and glued it into a heart with "Love Thy Neighbor" etched underneath it in black crayon. My parole officer was so proud. Racism never pays and neither does beating your ex-wife over the head with a steel pipe. My favorite scene is the helicopter chase. It is in no way hokey or prolonged. TWO HEADS is the second greatest movie of the 1970s (I would say "the" greatest, but that title belongs to MITCHELL.)

I've seen movies far worse than this offering about a white bigot's head transplanted to a soul brother's body. Yes, indeed the story is ridiculous. Yes, every scene with the "creature" either looks like Rosey Grier with a plastic head on him or Ray Milland uncomfortably close for close-ups. But the film has a certain charm that is undeniable, due in large part to its dated 70's style, its corny almost pathetic dialogue, its incredibly cheap sets and special effects, and of course the entire premise about this two headed monstrosity. Milland and Grier manage to keep straight faces throughout the picture, as do the other thespians concerned. No small feat believe me! The chase scene of 14 police cars chasing the two headed man on a motor bike(which last over 15 minutes) is the centerpiece of the film and sets the mood, pace, and credibility of the film. If you get a chance, see this film and its trailer which is almost as good.

The head of a white bigoted doctor (sadly Ray Milland) is attached to the body of a wrongly convicted black man (Rosey Grier) on Death Row. Unfortunately, Grier's head is still attached. It escapes from a hospital and tries to clear Grier's name while Milland's head tries to take control of the body.

Totally ridiculous AIP movie which bears a more than passing resemblance to 1971's "Incredible Two-Headed Transplant". This movie doesn't take itself too seriously (how could it?) which helps--but only so much.

With the exception of Milland the acting is lousy and the script has howlers that you just can't believe (ex: when Grier's girlfriend first sees him with Milland's head she says, "Honey, I know you don't like answering questions, but HOW did this happen?"). Basically this is a very bad movie but in a good way. The scenes of Milland and Grier arguing are truly funny and there's a very long (at least 20 minutes) but fun chase with tons of police cars chasing Grier/Milland on a motorcycle. Not even remotely good but fun.

Another great line from Grier's girlfriend: "Do you have two of anything else?"