The Thing with Two Heads

A vehemently racist surgeon- dying from an inoperable heart condition- hires a black doctor as his predecessor...not knowing he was black.

When he finds out, he tries to fire the doctor, but the doctor insists on fulfilling his contractual obligations.

The dying surgeon wants to prolong his life, by transplanting his head, onto someone else's body- so that his genius can live on.

The plan is to get someone from death row to agree to the procedure instead of being executed.

And, in some sort of case of divine irony, the only volunteer is a black inmate- on death row for a crime he claims he did not commit.

His time is about up...and he wants to use the extra time to prove his innocence.

Now, you have a racist white guy's head on a black dude's body...with the plan being to, eventually, cut the black dude's head off, so that the white guy can have his body.

The white doctors don't feel qualified to do the job, so they turn to the black doctor for help with the final procedure (ie getting a black dude to cut a black dude's head off a black dude's body so a racist white guy can have it...).

But before they have a chance to, the black dude (who still has the most control over his body) escapes- taking the black doctor hostage in the process.

Now they are on the lam...with both the black dude and racist white guy's head trying to convince the doctor to amputate the other.

As you can tell, this is the blaxploitation version of The Incredible Two-Headed Transplant from the year before. They would later be released together on DVD.

The animatronic head used in the transplant scene is sweet! But all the rest of the special effects are pretty bad. Particularly in the last bit when the white actor takes control of the body and is driving/walking around.

Before that, there's a humorously long dirtbike vs cop cars chase scene in which they crash 14 cop cars (though it seems like a lot more).

And the ending all goes down very abruptly.

It would have been nice if they had wrapped up the whole he was innocent angle. But it still has a feel good ending. And properly so, because Big Jack (the black dude) and his girlfriend are about the most lovable characters ever.

It's not extremely racist either, worst he gets called is a black bastard, alongside some bad taste jokes that come off in context. But it get's the idea across pretty clearly in an almost light-hearted way.

But you are happy to see him get f*cked over in the end.

A fun little film of the it's so bad it's good kind.

5.5 out of 10.

In THE THING WITH TWO HEADS, Ray Milland (X: THE MAN WITH THE X-RAY EYES, FROGS) is Maxwell Kirshner, the irascible, bigoted head of the Kirshner Transplant Foundation. Arthritis has destroyed Kirshner's body, and he's contracted terminal cancer, so he comes up with a brilliant, novel plan to escape his ancient, dying frame. Indeed, he decides to transplant his dome onto a physically healthier body. His animal trials have already gone quite well.

WARNING: Contains The Hideous, Two-Headed Go-rilla Running Amok Sequence!

The question becomes, who would volunteer for such a procedure? Well, thanks to the penal system, a death-row convict is quickly supplied. Enter Jack Moss (Roosevelt "Rosey" Grier). Of course, Kirshner knows nothing about the body he is about to be grafted to. The surgery is performed.

WARNING: Contains The Nearly Lifelike, Rubber Kirshner And Moss Heads!

Let the hilarity begin! A perfectly preposterous film that could only have been made in the 1970's, it does have something to say about racism. It's schlock content is astronomical, and if it weren't for Milland and Grier, all would surely have been lost. They are magic together, in an Archie Bunker sewn onto George Jefferson sort of way.

Ultimately, the movie devolves into a typical series of chase scenes. Well, typical for a two-headed man movie! Watch for the dirt bike rally! Also, for added fun, try to count the number of police cruisers that are destroyed!

A credit to its sub-genre...

I've seen movies far worse than this offering about a white bigot's head transplanted to a soul brother's body. Yes, indeed the story is ridiculous. Yes, every scene with the "creature" either looks like Rosey Grier with a plastic head on him or Ray Milland uncomfortably close for close-ups. But the film has a certain charm that is undeniable, due in large part to its dated 70's style, its corny almost pathetic dialogue, its incredibly cheap sets and special effects, and of course the entire premise about this two headed monstrosity. Milland and Grier manage to keep straight faces throughout the picture, as do the other thespians concerned. No small feat believe me! The chase scene of 14 police cars chasing the two headed man on a motor bike(which last over 15 minutes) is the centerpiece of the film and sets the mood, pace, and credibility of the film. If you get a chance, see this film and its trailer which is almost as good.

Rosey Grier and Ray Milland are the most dynamic pairing in cinematic history. I used to think it couldn't get much better than Hepburn and Tracy but I was wrong. When I was enrolled in an anger management class, one of our exercises was to watch this film and then team up in groups of four to reflect on it and make macaroni drawings. I painted my macaroni red and glued it into a heart with "Love Thy Neighbor" etched underneath it in black crayon. My parole officer was so proud. Racism never pays and neither does beating your ex-wife over the head with a steel pipe. My favorite scene is the helicopter chase. It is in no way hokey or prolonged. TWO HEADS is the second greatest movie of the 1970s (I would say "the" greatest, but that title belongs to MITCHELL.)

If you thought THE DEFIANT ONES was the ultimate in forced race relations, try watching this horror classic from "adults only" vets Lee Frost and Wes Bishop! Ray Milland (yes, the same Ray Milland who won a Best Actor Oscar for his excellent turn in 1945's THE LOST WEEKEND) is a brilliant-but-racist brain surgeon who is dying, but has perfected a way to live on through head-transplants. Someone out there decides to teach him a lesson by placing his bigoted noggin on the body of a black convict (former professional football star Rosey Grier). The heads fight, punch each other and go through many other genuinely (and unintentionally) hilarious slapstick scenes. Try not to laugh watching Grier running around or riding on a motorcycle with a ridiculous-looking fake dummy-head planted on his shoulders.

Not to be confused with THE INCREDIBLE TWO HEADED TRANSPLANT (1971) or Andy Milligan's THE MAN WITH TWO HEADS (1972).

Score: 5 out of 10 (Though a MUST for camp aficionados!)