The Thing with Two Heads

I must start off by saying I love "B" movies, but even if you aren't normally a "B" movie fan you will get a kick out of this 1972 American International Picture. This movie pairs Ray Milland as a bigoted doctor who is dying of cancer who has his head transplanted on to the body of wrongly confused death row inmate Rosey Grier. The whole movie is bizarre from start to finish. Watch the two head gorilla run amok in a grocery store! See Rosey and Ray on a motorcycle trying to outrun the fuzz! Whoever came up with the concept for this turkey must have been on crack cocaine or LSD. One has to wonder what made Academy Award winner Ray Milland to even consider doing this movie. He had to be drunk, completely broke or both to appear in this mess. This movie is so bad it's great! If you have never seen this movie I recommend that you rent it and then call over a group of friends, break out the beer and the popcorn and then sit back for a fun evening.

In THE THING WITH TWO HEADS, Ray Milland (X: THE MAN WITH THE X-RAY EYES, FROGS) is Maxwell Kirshner, the irascible, bigoted head of the Kirshner Transplant Foundation. Arthritis has destroyed Kirshner's body, and he's contracted terminal cancer, so he comes up with a brilliant, novel plan to escape his ancient, dying frame. Indeed, he decides to transplant his dome onto a physically healthier body. His animal trials have already gone quite well.

WARNING: Contains The Hideous, Two-Headed Go-rilla Running Amok Sequence!

The question becomes, who would volunteer for such a procedure? Well, thanks to the penal system, a death-row convict is quickly supplied. Enter Jack Moss (Roosevelt "Rosey" Grier). Of course, Kirshner knows nothing about the body he is about to be grafted to. The surgery is performed.

WARNING: Contains The Nearly Lifelike, Rubber Kirshner And Moss Heads!

Let the hilarity begin! A perfectly preposterous film that could only have been made in the 1970's, it does have something to say about racism. It's schlock content is astronomical, and if it weren't for Milland and Grier, all would surely have been lost. They are magic together, in an Archie Bunker sewn onto George Jefferson sort of way.

Ultimately, the movie devolves into a typical series of chase scenes. Well, typical for a two-headed man movie! Watch for the dirt bike rally! Also, for added fun, try to count the number of police cruisers that are destroyed!

A credit to its sub-genre...

"The Thing with Two Heads" is a masterpiece of 1970's explotiation. Everything is here: a no-talent Football star actor (Rosey Grier), Pre-"Smokey and the Bandit" car chases, motorcycles, blaxploitation cliches galore, cheap monsters, no budget, beyond-bad dialogue, a director who thought he was moving up and out of the porno industry, and, of course, the great Ray Milland, star of the incomparable 1970's classic "Frogs". Classic scenes: Convicted convict Grier comes out of anesthesia and expresses suprise and dismay at finding Ray Milland's head attached to his body. Grier: "What did you guys do to me?" Milland, sounding petulent: "We transplanted my head onto your body--now shut up!"

Grier and Milland (the two heads on Rosey's body, remember) show up at Grier's girlfriend's apartment in search of refuge from the cops: Grier: (noticing his gal's shock at seeing his 2-headed condition) "Don't worry baby, I won't hurt you." Girlfriend (looking unsure): "You get into more s***."

The whole film is like this. HIGH-larious. No one could do this on purpose, and that's what makes this 1970's classic such a fantastic find.

A vehemently racist surgeon- dying from an inoperable heart condition- hires a black doctor as his predecessor...not knowing he was black.

When he finds out, he tries to fire the doctor, but the doctor insists on fulfilling his contractual obligations.

The dying surgeon wants to prolong his life, by transplanting his head, onto someone else's body- so that his genius can live on.

The plan is to get someone from death row to agree to the procedure instead of being executed.

And, in some sort of case of divine irony, the only volunteer is a black inmate- on death row for a crime he claims he did not commit.

His time is about up...and he wants to use the extra time to prove his innocence.

Now, you have a racist white guy's head on a black dude's body...with the plan being to, eventually, cut the black dude's head off, so that the white guy can have his body.

The white doctors don't feel qualified to do the job, so they turn to the black doctor for help with the final procedure (ie getting a black dude to cut a black dude's head off a black dude's body so a racist white guy can have it...).

But before they have a chance to, the black dude (who still has the most control over his body) escapes- taking the black doctor hostage in the process.

Now they are on the lam...with both the black dude and racist white guy's head trying to convince the doctor to amputate the other.

As you can tell, this is the blaxploitation version of The Incredible Two-Headed Transplant from the year before. They would later be released together on DVD.

The animatronic head used in the transplant scene is sweet! But all the rest of the special effects are pretty bad. Particularly in the last bit when the white actor takes control of the body and is driving/walking around.

Before that, there's a humorously long dirtbike vs cop cars chase scene in which they crash 14 cop cars (though it seems like a lot more).

And the ending all goes down very abruptly.

It would have been nice if they had wrapped up the whole he was innocent angle. But it still has a feel good ending. And properly so, because Big Jack (the black dude) and his girlfriend are about the most lovable characters ever.

It's not extremely racist either, worst he gets called is a black bastard, alongside some bad taste jokes that come off in context. But it get's the idea across pretty clearly in an almost light-hearted way.

But you are happy to see him get f*cked over in the end.

A fun little film of the it's so bad it's good kind.

5.5 out of 10.

Every time this film shows up on cable, I just watch it in wonder. If they thought they were making a parody, they didn't succeed; and they couldn't have been serious, could they?

Weak script, bad effects, boring chase scenes. Couldn't be worse...

Yet, shockingly, I watch it every time in total amazement. I sometimes do an exercise by putting myself in Ray Milland's place in an attempt to practice empathy.

It is the best worst movie I ever saw. I love it every time. Help me, please help me.