Barbra Streisand: Judy Maxwell

What's Up, Doc?

Judy Maxwell

Eunice: Don't you know the meaning of propriety?
Judy: Propriety; noun: conformity to established standards of behavior or manner, suitability, rightness, or justice. See "etiquette."

[Meeting Mr. Larabee]
Howard: You! You!
Judy: Eu-nice. Eunice. We've almost gotten that stammer cured.
Howard: How! How!
Judy: How-ard. Howard. He always gets stuck on names. It must be the excitement of meeting you for the first time.

Judy: You don't wanna marry someone who's gonna get all wrinkled, lined and flabby!
Howard: Everyone gets wrinkled, lined and flabby!
Judy: By next week?

[Howard walks into the hotel gift shop, wanders around, picks up a big rock, a souvenir of Alcatraz, and taps it with a tuning fork]
Judy: What's up, Doc?
Howard: I beg your pardon?
Judy: We've gotta stop meeting like this.
Howard: I think you're making a mistake. You see, I just came in here for something for a headache.
Judy: You're gonna need an awful big glass of water to get that down.
Howard: What? Oh no, no you see I'm a musicologist. I was just testing this specimen for inherent tonal qualities. I have this theory about early man's musical relationship to igneous rock formations. But I guess you're not really interested in igneous rock formations.
Judy: Not as much as I am in the sedimentary or metamorphic rock categories. I mean, I can take your igneous rocks or leave 'em. I relate primarily to micas, quartz, feldspar. You can keep your Pyroxenes, magnetites and coarse grained plutonics as far as I'm concerned.
Howard: I forgot why I came in here.
Judy: Headache.
Howard: Oh, yes. Thank you. And good bye.

[Judy and Howard's Volkswagen Beetle is speeding along a pier towards a departing ferry]
Judy: We can make it...
Howard: No.
Judy: We can make it...
Howard: No.
Judy: [the beetle arcs gracefully into San Francisco Bay] I don't think we can make it.

[Judy and Howard have their heads under the table, Howard is trying to convince Judy to leave, Frederick joins them]
Frederick Larrabee: What's going on down here? You two just can't keep away from each other, can you?
Howard: Oh, we were just talking.
Hugh: [Joins them] Are you all right Mr Larrabee? Can I help?
Frederick Larrabee: No, it's fine, we were just chatting.
Musicologist: [Joins them] What's the matter?
Musicologist: [Joins them] Anything wrong?
Frederick Larrabee: No.
Judy: We're just testing a theory Howard has about Vocal Reverberation Under Spinal Pressure.
Professor Hosquith: [Joins them] What? Vocal Reverberation Under Spinal Pressure?
Judy: You know, V.R.U.S.P.?
Musicologist: Oh yes!
Musicologist: I think I read a monograph on that.

Howard: What am I gonna tell Eunice?
Judy: That's the easy part. You go up to her room. She answers the door; now she will have been crying so her eyes will be all bloodshot and her nose will be all red and runny, but you look past all that. You stare purposefully into those red-rimmed, swollen eyes, and you say, "Eunice, my dear, there's been a terrible mistake. I've behaved like a cad, a bounder! But now I see everything clearly and I've decided that Judy and I are gonna put you into a home."
Howard: That is not funny!

Frederick Larrabee: We would like to hear the story that Miss Burns...
Judy: Burnsey!
Frederick Larrabee: That Burnsey...
Howard: He's calling her Burnsey.
Frederick Larrabee: That Burnsey was telling us. What was it Howard? Some incredible adventure you had on your flight here?
Howard: Yes. No.
Judy: I'm afraid my Howard is too modest to tell you the story himself. It all started when we passed the point of no return.
Howard: I think we just passed it.
Judy: One of the engines failed and the flux valve refused to disconnect. One of the pilots fainted from an over supply of fear and went into this power dive. So Howard took his rocks into the cockpit and selected two of them with a particularly high magnetic content and set up an electrically induced field pattern on the giro counter...
Howard: I'm having a nightmare.

Howard: Sir, I must point out to you...
Frederick Larrabee: I must point out to you that foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.
Judy: Emerson!
Frederick Larrabee: I beg your pardon?
Judy: Ralph Waldo Emerson, born 1803 died 1882.
Frederick Larrabee: You like Emerson?
Judy: I adore him.
Frederick Larrabee: I adore anyone who adores Emerson.
Judy: And I adore anyone who adores anyone who adores Emerson, your turn!
Frederick Larrabee: She's a delight Bannister, a delight and you're a lucky dog.
Howard: I...
Frederick Larrabee: Admit it! Admit you're a lucky dog.
Howard: I'm a lucky dog.
Frederick Larrabee: Miss Burns, may I call you Eunice?
Howard: No!
Frederick Larrabee: What's that?
Judy: What Howard means is that back where we come from everyone calls me Burnsey.
Frederick Larrabee: Burnsey! I like that.

Judy: I think I'll get dressed now.
Eunice: [on telephone] Howard, who was that?
Howard: Who was what?
Eunice: I heard a voice say something about getting dressed.
Howard: It's the television set, Eunice. There's a movie on - a war movie. They're getting dressed for the big battle.
Eunice: It was a woman's voice!
Howard: Yes; they're lady soldiers, Eunice. It's called "The Fighting WACs".

Judy: Well, this last time was not my fault.
Howard: What happened?
Judy: Nothing, nothing, really. It was just a little classroom, it sort of burned down.
Howard: Burned down?
Judy: Well, blew up actually.
Howard: Political activism?
Judy: Chemistry major.
Howard: I see.

Judy: It wasn't all bad was it? Although it was terrible they took the grant away from you.
Howard: They had to do that. You see, the foundation just isn't used to having to bail its founder out of jail.

Judy: [resisting hiding on the ledge outside the window] I can't I'm terrified of heights.
Howard: There's a ledge.
Judy: I have ledge-o-phobia.
Howard: [Eunice bangs on door] Just until I can get rid of her.
Judy: I can't!
Howard: [Eunice bangs again] She's got a terrible temper!
Judy: I can't!
Howard: She studies karate.
Judy: Maybe I can.

Judy: [dressed in a towel on the ledge looking at the burning hotel room] Miss Burns what are you doing in Howard Banister's bedroom? Don't you know the meaning of propriety?