2069: A Sex Odyssey

And a hard spot somewhere else. I haven't seen this movie since i was quite young, maybe 12 or 13, who knows. But what i do know is this is the movie that taught me how to masturbate. I kid you not. I have no idea if it is any good by any real standards of today, but for me, back then, it was everything.

The only reason i feel comfortable writing this is because i'm sure no one will ever get around to reading it. I mean, really, who is going to look up this movie these days?

I just discovered that i have not yet used up the ten line minimum for the amount of length i most take up in a review. i had no idea there was such a minimum length, but there i go, like a student trying to fill up a page in a journal, my ten lines. thank you very much.

Let me start off by talking about a small company called Cheezy Flicks. I have several titles from them at the moment so expect to see this first paragraph on each review. If you read it once you can skip that paragraph. When I first heard of Cheezy Flicks it wasn't in the nicest of terms. I heard the company put out substandard versions of movies for incredibly low prices. To say my expectations were low is an understatement. But I believe in giving a company a fair shake. I'm glad I did. To be honest the movies I've seen released by the company have gone from great to mediocre versions but here is the thing. For movie fans with low to zero budgets Cheezy provides a solid offering that is affordable. In addition to that they strive to give you the best version they possibly can. They also have picked up titles that few if any studios would bother with, low budget movies to be sure, but pure fun movies and in some cases movies that are actually quite good. An example is LET SLEEPING CORPSES LIE. One big name site is selling used copies of the movie for $36.00. Cheezy has it for $6. And it's a really good edition of the film too. So if you're looking to pick up DVDs at rock bottom prices new and can deal with a movies that can be a little blurry at time (not their fault but that of the film makers when these old films were made) then by all mean's give Cheezy Flicks a try. They're a small company but deserve your business. Enough said.

In the 70s drive-ins across the country were still thriving though slowly being filtered out. The invention of home video was a few years off. And so product was still being made to be seen on the big outdoor screens. Many of those movies featured women in various stages of undress, those same movies playing in low rent nasty theaters in bigger cities now referred to as grindhouses. But it would be a few decades before movies that played there would be in vogue simply because of playing there. So it was in 1974 when movie goers were exposed to the poster that would promise much for a movie that delivered less than expected. The movie was 2069: A SEX ODYSSEY. Aside from the obvious double entendre the poster told us to expect "a space comedy with the most exciting climaxes". So what was it that it did deliver?

The movie features five space women from Venus coming to Earth in search of sperm since there are no more men left on Venus. They land in the Upper Bavaria and in Austria's Rauris Valley ski area and pose as an Olympic ski team. Finding donors is the least difficult task these women will have once they meet men.

The problem is that to gather the necessary fluids they hook them up to what appear to be milking machines. Eventually the men explain there is another way of extracting what they're looking for and the women learn about sex from their more than eager partners.

Made in Germany on a definitely low budget the film isn't meant to be taken seriously. And it's not near as sex fueled as one would think from both the poster and the advertising. Instead this is a light comedy filled with semi to completely naked women but without the sex scenes you would expect. This wasn't a hardcore film by any means and more inclined to be comedic and titillating rather than sexy.

The end result is a campy film that fans of the genre will enjoy. Most others will wonder why anyone would think the film is funny. The term lost in translation is well used with this film. Still for the price Cheezy Flicks is offering the film for fans will want to make sure and pick up a copy.

I will admit that this movie was awful, cheesy, sexist, badly dubbed, and poorly edited, but I loved it anyway. I first saw this movie when I was 14, and it has stuck with me ever since. FYI, this is very close to hard-core porn as I remember. It certainly got my juices flowing. This flick gives a whole new meaning to swedish erotica. It is a humourous take on human sexuality as seen by hot randy female aliens who are, I think, just looking for some spermatozoa for their dying race.

Don't be fooled: this isn't yet another tired example of the Girls From Outer Space Pretending To Be The French Ski Team Come To Earth To Collect As Much Sperm As Possible genre, though the synopsis may suggest otherwise. This movie is a gem, an absolute jewel that has enriched my life from the moment I laid eyes upon it. Hilarious, exhilarating, action-packed, and stunningly erotic, "Ach jodel mir noch einen" is a Euro-Madcap Tour-De-Force, a grossly underrated Bavarian classic.

Stop everything you are doing and run out to rent, or better yet, BUY this movie immediately.

Why do I give this 1974 porn movie 7 points? Because I watched it. And I found it hilarious! Aliens, their weird spaceship, their weird helmets... my God, was that a sight. And all what these desperate alien women need is semen from the earth.

And where do they look for it? In upper Bavaria, Germany. And that is where the main fun comes from: In Europe (and more so in German-speaking countries), Bavaria is seen as a traditional and backward region. And then the actors are so helpless with the alien women. Well, there have been films about people being unable to deal with women like the "American Pie" series.

But what this film achieved is a true, funny weirdness. You constantly wonder how they came up with these crackpot ideas. But it was 1974, and looking back 35 years fills one with a kind of nostalgia. You've never seen a film like that.

And if you don't mind seeing the casual pubic hairs and breasts, watch it once. It is a comedy essentially, not a porn flick.