Michael Moriarty credited as playing...
Henry Wiggen
- Bruce Pearson: Everybody'd be nice to you if they knew you were dying.
- Henry Wiggen: Everybody knows everybody is dying; that's why people are as good as they are.
- Henry Wiggen: I don't know why you don't live it up all the time when dyin's just around the corner, but you don't. You'd think you would, but you don't. I don't know why.
- Henry Wiggen: Oh Katie, honey, why don't you get yourself married and raise yourself some exemptions.
- Henry Wiggen: See, it was no double birdie.
- Mr. Pearson: Double Birdie?
- Bruce Pearson: Whereas for, it coulda been a spread eagle.
- Henry Wiggen: Probably you've been playing Southeastern Tegwar all your life, but in the Majors the boys all play Western Canadian style. Which, for my money, is much faster. That leaves you free for a Butchered Hog most any time, whereas, uh.
- Bruce Pearson: Whereas uh.
- Mr. Pearson: Wh, Whereas what?
- Bruce Pearson: Whereas, it, uh, keeps you from dropping dead on the board.
- Henry Wiggen: These are Fifth and Two. Fifth and Queen.
- Joe Jaros: Red Rooster.
- [long pause, then Tegawar Player lays a 3. Joe slams down his cards]
- Joe Jaros: BANJO! Ha-HAAAA! That's the first natural Banjo since the days of Joe Dimaggio in St. Petersburg.
- Henry Wiggen: Hey, wait a minute. Fifteen and Fifteen's Thirty-One.
- Tegwar Player: Hey, what's the name of this game?
- Joe Jaros: Fifteen and Fifteen is Thirty-TWO!
- Henry Wiggen: Thirry-T... oh, that's right.
- [to Tegwar player]
- Henry Wiggen: That's a Double Honeybees.
- Tegwar Player: I'm not too sure if I'm clear on some of these new rules.
- Joe Jaros: What new rules? There hasn't been any rules changes since the Black Sox Scandal, 1919. Big League Tegwar's Big League Tegwar known to every big-time ballplayer from Boston to California.