Deadly Weapons

When I was a young man out in the work force, I went with a couple of colleagues to see this flick. The theatre was about 15 feet wide, and I think the film must have been a 16 mm print. The floor was sticky. Besides 3 or 4 young fellows (us) the rest of the audience seemed to consist of much older men with rain coats.

When the movie got going, it was so preposterous that we just couldn't keep from laughing our you-know-whats off. Well, that didn't go over too well with the others: We were repeatedly shushed and told to pipe down, so they could enjoy the show. Interrupted their concentrations, no doubt. It was really too preposterous to be sexy.

On the way out after the movie, there was a jar of "Chesty Morgan matchbooks" in a bowl, and I took one. ( No, her picture didn't wrap around to the back.) Many years later, at home, the lights went out in a thunderstorm. But I happened to remember that the Chesty book of matches was nearby, and I was able to find it, light one, and see my way out of the room. Thank you, Chesty!

Yes, Doris Wishman was an odd director and made strange movies. Yes, Chesty Morgan is a rotten actress and should never have gotten into the business. However, there are two great reasons to watch Deadly Weapons . . . and they are both suspended from Chesty's magnificent torso! In this age of skinny starlets with their flat chests it is refreshing to see a full-figured gal get some coverage (or get uncovered as some of these scenes reveal). Despite the lame acting, the thin plot line and the dreadful music, Deadly Weapons earns two points from me! Two points for Chesty's two trophies! She could not act, sing or dance very well but for at least two films (both with Wishman at the helm) Chesty managed to break into show business. Found an article on the internet that stated she was a concentration camp survivor from WW II, and currently owns and manages some small apartment unit in Florida.

After the mob hits a guy with a list, one of the hoods (Richard Towers) keeps the list for himself to blackmail the people on it. When the mobsters find out he is a double-crosser, they off him, which angers his busty girlfriend (Chesty Morgan). She goes after them using the only two weapons she has.

Now, you have Richard Towers ("Last House of the Left") and you have Harry Reems ("Deep Throat"). And Reems has one of the greatest mustaches I have ever seen... so this alone should sell you. But then you have Chesty Morgan. She cannot act, she cannot talk (all her lines are dubbed), and her "talent" is more of a freak show than anything you would actually choose to see... which is perfect for a film released by Something Weird.

As others have said, this is the very definition of a "cult" film. It is certainly not good in any traditional sense, but it has a very odd quality about it that might be enjoyable if you are into strange films. That is all this can be called -- a strange film. It is not sexy, it is not well-written, the directing is adequate but nothing more. Acting is poor. It is just weird.

After the mob kill her boyfriend for double-crossing them, Crystal (the jaw-dropping Lillian Wilczkowsky better known as Chesty Morgan) decides to take revenge via mammary suffocation. The flick also has porn legend Harry Reems. It has horrid acting and a weak plot line, but Lillian is a wonder to behold. She's not attractive in many senses of the word, but those over-grown elephantine melons of hers are hopelessly hypnotic. The film has kitsch enough to be one of Doris Wishman's best movies (Not saying that much, I know, but still) Followed by a sequel that was worse in EVERY single way.

My Grade: C+

Eye Candy: Chesty Morgon show's the biggest real breasts I've EVER seen as well as her tush, and Denise Purceli goes for a nude swim

Huge-breasted Crystal has a boyfriend who belongs to the mob, but doublecrosses his boss only to be killed by two hoods/buddies in said mob. Crystal overhears her boyfriend's death by phone and plans her revenge on the two murderers as she travels to Las Vegas and Miami to assault each of them with her very ample deadly weapons. Such is the basic premise of Deadly Weapons. Well, the film certainly is a one of a kind. I mean how many films feature as its main protagonist a woman with a 73 inch bust who becomes a breast-smothering vigilante. The film is directed by Doris Wishman and its is cheaply-made with little directorial flair and almost no acting(save the performance by porn star Harry Reems). The female lead is played by Chesty Morgan(in reality another very hard to write/pronounce Polish name), and she bounces her way through the film seeing how many different ways she can showcase her bust. She finds many ways. As films go, this is really nothing special except for its status as exploitative cinema or a cult film. It is worth a look for its oddity qualities. If anyone knows...let me know...but I believe the guy playing Crystal's boyfriend was the same man that played Mari's father in Last House on the Left. The names on IMDB are different but the two men are one and the same I believe.