Gilmer McCormick credited as playing...
Gilmer
- Lynne: Master...
- [Lynne climbs down from a stage and rushes to Jesus. Gilmer, Robin, Joanne, Jeffrey, Merrell, Jerry and Katie follow]
- Lynne: Master! Blessed are the poor in Spirit...
- Jesus: For theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.
- Gilmer: Blessed are they who mourn...
- Jesus: For they shall be comforted.
- Robin: Blessed are the meek...
- Jesus: For they shall inherit the Earth.
- Joanne: Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for justice...
- Jesus: For they shall be filled.
- Jeffrey: Blessed are the merciful...
- Jesus: For they shall have mercy.
- Merrell: Blessed are the pure in heart...
- Jesus: For they shall see God.
- Jerry: Blessed are the peace-makers...
- Jesus: For they shall be called the children of God.
- Katie: Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake...
- Jesus: For theirs is the Kingdom of *heaven*!
- [the others applaud]
- Judas: [shouting from the distant stage] Blessed are ye... When men shall persecute you and revile you... and say all manner of evil against you...
- [pauses then calms down]
- Judas: falsely.
- Judas: There once was a very rich man who dressed in purple and the finest linen.
- Robin: Rich man, that's me.
- Judas: And every day he feasted in the greatest magnificence. At his gate lay a poor man named Lazarus, who would've been glad to have satisfied his hunger with the scraps from the rich man's table.
- Robin: Oh my God, it's good! Get out of there!
- Judas: Now even the doggy-doggies used to come to Lazarus and lick his open running sores.
- Jerry: [making a face] Blecch!
- Judas: Sorry. Well, one day the poor man died...
- [Jerry pretends to fall over dead]
- Judas: ... and was carried away by the angels to be with Abraham. The rich man also died and was buried and sent to Hades...
- Robin: [nervously] Hello.
- Demons: Hello.
- Judas: ...where he was in torment. He looked up, and there, far, far away was Abraham with Lazarus close beside him.
- Robin: Oh, Father Abraham, have pity on me. Send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water to cool my tongue. For I'm in agony in this fire. Let go of me, will ya!
- Gilmer: [as Abraham, with a Brooklyn accent] Remember, my child, that all the good things fell ta you when you were on Earth, and all the bad things fell to Lois.
- Jerry: [as Lazarus] Lazarus.
- Gilmer: Abraham! Glad ta know ya! And now it is *he* who has consolation here, and it is *you* who are in agony.
- Robin: Then, Father Abraham, send Lazarus to my father's house, where I have five pies... I mean, brothers... to warn them, so they too may not come to this place of torment.
- Gilmer: They got Moses and the prophets. Let them listen to them.
- Robin: Yeah. But if somebody from the dead should rise, then they'd listen.
- Gilmer: Look, if they don't listen ta Moses and the prophets, they ain't gonna listen to *nobody*, even if somebody *should* rise from the dead!
- Merrell: There once was a king...
- Everyone: Yeah, yeah.
- Merrell: ...who decided to settle accounts with the men who served him.
- Everyone: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Merrell: Well, at the outset, there appeared before the master a man whose debt ran into the millions!
- Everyone: What?
- Merrell: I said the millions!
- Everyone: Whoa!
- Merrell: Since the man had no means of paying the money, the master ordered him to be sold to meet the debt with his wife.
- Everyone: Whoa!
- Merrell: And his child.
- Everyone: Whoa!
- Merrell: And everything he had. Well, the man threw himself down at the master's feet and went...
- Everyone: Doo bop a loom boom!
- Jeffrey: Oh, be patient with me.
- Merrell: He said.
- Jeffrey: And I shall pay you full.
- Merrell: And so moved with pity was the master, that he decided to free the man and remit the debt! And let's hear it for the master!
- Everyone: [imitating cheerleaders] Give me an M, give me an A-S-T-E-R. Yay, master!
- Judas: Wait a minute. But no sooner had the man been released, then he met a fellow servant who owed him a few dollars. Well, he gripped him by the throat and said...
- Jeffrey: Pay me! I says pay me what you owes me!
- Judas: Whoa, the man fell at his fellow servant's feet and begged him, saying...
- Jerry: Please, please. Be patient with me. I shall pay you.
- Lynne: But he refused, saying...
- Jeffrey: Look!
- Jerry: What?
- Lynne: And had him jailed until he should pay the debt.
- Gilmer: [in a southern accent] Well, the other servants were deeply distressed when they saw what had happened. Are you sitting down? They ran and told their master the whole story, mm-hmm.
- Robin: DAAAAH!
- Gilmer: Accordingly he sent for the man.
- Robin: You scoundrel!
- Gilmer: He said to him!
- Robin: I remitted the whole of your debt when you appealed unto me. Were you not bound to show your fellow servant the same pity I showed to you?
- Jerry: And so angry was the master that he condemned the man to torture, until he could pay the debt in full.
- [everyone pretends to torture Jefferey]
- Jesus: And that is how my Heavenly Father will deal with you, unless you forgive your brothers from you hearts.
- Jesus: Now, what if your brother sues you? You better settle with him quickly...
- [Joanne tries to shake hands with Merrell, who spins her over to Gilmer]
- Jesus: ... otherwise he'll hand you over to the judge.
- Gilmer: Guilty!
- [She spins Joanne over to Jerry]
- Jesus: And the judge to the constable.
- [Jerry bops her on the head]
- Jesus: And you'll land in jail!
- [Joanne is twirled into "jail"]
- Joanne: [squeaks] Let me out of here!
- Jesus: And I tell you, you'll not get out of there until you've paid the last penny.
- Jesus: Always treat others as you would have them treat you!
- Jeffrey, Judas, Joanne, Robin, Jerry, Gilmer, Katie, Lynne, Merrell: Yeah, yeah, yeah!
- Jesus: Well, that is the law and the prophets.
- Jeffrey, Judas, Joanne, Robin, Jerry, Gilmer, Katie, Lynne, Merrell: The law and the prophets. The law and the prophets. The law and the prophets...