Ellen Burstyn: Alice Hyatt

Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore

Alice Hyatt

Alice: Am I lucky? Hmm? I don't know. I'm an okay sort of person. How did I get such a smart-ass kid?
Tommy: You got pregnant.

[last lines]
Tommy: [final lines] You really love David, don't you?
Alice: Yep, I do.
Tommy: Yeah, I like him too, I just hate his taste in music. He always said you could fight with somebody and still like him.
Alice: Hey, now you're using your old noggin! Thanks pal!
[hugs and kisses]
Alice: My boy!
Tommy: Mom, mom, I can't breathe!

Alice: I'm waiting on tables.
Tommy: Huh?
Alice: I'm a waitress, that's what.
Tommy: Is it a nice place, anyway?
Alice: Hell, yes! Mel and Ruby's cafe? Are you kidding?
Tommy: It doesn't sound so bad.
Alice: There's just Mel there. Ruby's been dead for 14 years. The place killed her. It'll probably kill me, too.

Alice: [while driving Tommy home from the police station] Ya look like you've been embalmed.

Alice: What do I say to him?
Flo: You just tell that old boy if he wants to keep his shoes under your bed, he better straighten up!

Tommy: Mom, are we in Arizona yet?
Alice: If you ask me that one more time, I'm gonna beat you to death. Just sit back there and relax and enjoy life, huh?
Tommy: Life is short.
Alice: Yeah, well, so are you.

Store Clerk: You're sure laying the money out for meat. Company coming?
Alice: No, my husband hates me and I'm trying to get him to chase me around the bedroom.

Bea: I sure couldn't live without some kind of man around the house.
Alice: Oh, I could!
Bea: And neither could you.
Alice: Oh, yes, I could!
Bea: No, you couldn't.
Alice: Oh, yes, I could!
Bea: Oh, no you couldn't.
Alice: Easy. I could be just as happy if I never saw one again, ever. Of course, I don't know, it might be different if I ever, you know, if I met a man like Robert Redford. I mean, that could be different.
Bea: I'll bet it's different.
Alice: You know, he wouldn't be the kind of man that would roll over and go to sleep as soon as he's finished. And he'd be very gentle.
Bea: Listen, I wonder what kind of build he's got on him.
Alice: Did you ever see his feet?
Bea: Feet?
Alice: I heard one time that's supposed to be an indication.
[phone rings]
Alice: Excuse me.
Bea: [Thinks intently] Oh, I saw a picture. They're huge!

Alice: I saw the "Waitress Wanted" sign. I said, "Why not?" So I took this job.
Flo: Well, let me give you a hint. Honey, unbutton that top button.
Alice: Really?
Flo: Yeah. If you bend over, you get more tips when you're working.
Alice: You're kidding me
Flo: I'm not kidding. I got $50 last week.
Alice: Really?
Flo: Yeah.
Alice: Like that?
Flo: Yeah. Honey, forget what I said. You do that and I'm never going to get a tip again.
[laughs]

David: Your brother taught you to kiss?
Alice: I don't mean he demonstrated. He told me that the worst thing that can happen is if a boy feels like he's put his lips in a bowl of wet oatmeal.
David: At least he said "lips."
Alice: So the most important thing to remember before you kiss is to wipe your mouth real good and keep your lips together so he doesn't kiss your teeth. So, we went to see "The Postman Always Rings Twice." And there was this big close-up of - what's her name? Lana Turner and John Garfield, right? And they're just coming together. Big dramatic moment. At last, they're going to kiss. The music's playing. It's very dramatic. And just as they come together, they both open their mouths. And I thought, "My God, don't they know how to kiss? What's wrong with them?" And I turned and looked at my brother to see what he was going to say. He just sat there. He didn't move, he was just looking at screen. He didn't say anything for three weeks. And then all of a sudden one day, he says: "Well, Al, I've been thinking."
David: Al?
Alice: Yes, he always called me Al. "l think maybe you're supposed to part your lips a little bit when you kiss."
David: God bless him.

Alice: We decided we wanted to go into show business from the movies.
David: Why did you leave?
Alice: I got married and Donald wanted to live in his hometown. I wanted to go on singing. He said, "No wife of mine is going to sing in a saloon." I said, "Yes, master." I kind of liked that.
David: You liked it?
Alice: It was like, you know, my idea of a man: strong and dominating.
[laughs]

Alice: [after Tommy was being a smart aleck] If you open your mouth, once more, I swear to God, I'm gonna nail it shut.
Tommy: [Opens his mouth]
Alice: I'm warning you, Tommy. I'm gonna throw you out, and you're gonna walk the last mile home.
[Tommy makes faces at his mother]
Alice: Get out!
[Kicks Tommy out of the car, and Alice drives away]