Alfred Lutter III credited as playing...
- David: [Tommy's milking a cow] Hey, Tommy, watch the fingernails.
- Tommy: Well, Christ, she's got tits the size of cucumbers. What do you expect?
- Alice: Ahem. I don't know where he gets that language, I really don't.
- Tommy: Think real hard, it'll come to you, lady.
- Alice: Am I lucky? Hmm? I don't know. I'm an okay sort of person. How did I get such a smart-ass kid?
- Tommy: You got pregnant.
- Alice: Don't look back. You'll turn into a pillar of shit.
- Tommy: The whole state is shit.
- Alice: Don't talk dirty, Tommy. How many times do I have to tell you?
- [last lines]
- Tommy: [final lines] You really love David, don't you?
- Alice: Yep, I do.
- Tommy: Yeah, I like him too, I just hate his taste in music. He always said you could fight with somebody and still like him.
- Alice: Hey, now you're using your old noggin! Thanks pal!
- [hugs and kisses]
- Alice: My boy!
- Tommy: Mom, mom, I can't breathe!
- Alice: I'm waiting on tables.
- Tommy: Huh?
- Alice: I'm a waitress, that's what.
- Tommy: Is it a nice place, anyway?
- Alice: Hell, yes! Mel and Ruby's cafe? Are you kidding?
- Tommy: It doesn't sound so bad.
- Alice: There's just Mel there. Ruby's been dead for 14 years. The place killed her. It'll probably kill me, too.
- Audrey: You want to get high on Ripple?
- Tommy: What?
- Audrey: You want to get high on Ripple?
- Tommy: No, I can't. What about your folks?
- Audrey: My dad split two years ago. Mom turns tricks at the Ramada Inn from 3:00 p.m. on.
- Tommy: What if she came home?
- Audrey: She wouldn't even notice. I could have a troop of bare-assed Eagle Scouts in for the afternoon and she wouldn't blink an eye. Why? Is your mom a hard-nose?
- Tommy: No, a singer. Or a waitress, I guess.
- Audrey: A singing waitress. Weird. So you want Ripple or not?
- Tommy: Put in another quarter and try again.
- Tommy: Mom, are we in Arizona yet?
- Alice: If you ask me that one more time, I'm gonna beat you to death. Just sit back there and relax and enjoy life, huh?
- Tommy: Life is short.
- Alice: Yeah, well, so are you.
- Alice: What do you think?
- Tommy: You look good. But is it sexy?
- Alice: Sexy for Phoenix. Besides, I'm not applying at the Boom Boom Room.
- Alice: [Reading a sign] City of Tucson. Winter home of the Cleveland Indians.
- Tommy: So far, I hate it.
- Alice: [after Tommy was being a smart aleck] If you open your mouth, once more, I swear to God, I'm gonna nail it shut.
- Tommy: [Opens his mouth]
- Alice: I'm warning you, Tommy. I'm gonna throw you out, and you're gonna walk the last mile home.
- [Tommy makes faces at his mother]
- Alice: Get out!
- [Kicks Tommy out of the car, and Alice drives away]
- Tommy: [to Alice, disparaging David's style of music] Shit-kicking! Shit-kicking! Shit-kicking!
- Tommy: He asked us out there Sunday.
- Alice: Farmer John's just gonna have to get along without me, I can tell you that.
- Tommy: I want to go.
- Alice: No.
- Tommy: [Jumping on the couch] Yes!
- Alice: No!
- Tommy: YES!
- Alice: NO!
- Tommy: [Kicks the couch] Shit!
- Tommy: You going out late again tonight?
- Alice: I don't know. Why?
- Tommy: Just wondering when you'll introduce me to that guy you've been running around with.
- Alice: His name is Ben and of course I'll introduce you to him.
- Tommy: Should I call him Uncle Ben?
- Tommy: What?
- Alice: I said we's gonna go out amongst them tonight.
- Tommy: What?
- Alice: What do you mean, what? What are you, Helen Keller?
- Tommy: What am I supposed to do all the time?
- Alice: Go visit a reservation and play with the Indians.
- Tommy: The joke is *where* the dog grabs him.
- Alice: Where?
- Tommy: On the nuts! That's the punch line of the joke.
- Alice: The dog grabs the gorilla by the nuts is the punch line?
- Tommy: No, no. That's a major part of the story. You have to know that to get the punchline. Now, do you know what nuts are?
- Alice: Balls.
- Tommy: Right!
- Tommy: Mom, when we get to Monterey, will you let me write to Audrey?
- Alice: Honey, I think Audrey's a little mature for you.
- Tommy: I don't think she's mature. I think she's nice!
- Tommy Hyatt: Shoot the dog. Shoot the dog. Shoot the dog.
- Alice: Why do we have to have Mott the Hoople 24 hours a day? Can you tell me that?
- Tommy: Maybe if I had a Kitty Kallen record.
