Peter Falk credited as playing...
Columbo
- Col. Lyle C. Rumford: Do you have a first name?
- Lt. Columbo: I do. My wife is about the only one that uses it.
- Lt. Columbo: I guess boys will be boys.
- Col. Lyle C. Rumford: Boys WILL be boys, Lieutenant, but someone's gotta turn 'em into men.
- Col. Lyle C. Rumford: Hey, you, mister! You better hand that over to the police.
- Lt. Columbo: I'm gonna do that, sir.
- Col. Lyle C. Rumford: This is a restricted area. You better leave. Officer. You may wish to detain this man. He refuses to leave the area.
- Sergeant George Kramer: This man is Lt. Columbo, sir. He's in charge of the investigation.
- Lt. Columbo: You have to forgive me, it's not me, it's my mind, it's very slow, and I have to pin everything down.
- Lt. Columbo: [Realizing that he has been proceeding on an erroneous assumption] Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe nobody's trying to kill you. You know, I've been wrong before. You know, you can get too complicated. Bill Haynes was blown up. Let's keep it simple. Somebody was trying to blow up Bill Haynes. What are we beating our brains in for? At least that way you can sleep easier.
- Col. Lyle C. Rumford: [Tacitly acknowledging that Columbo has guessed the truth, offers him a top-brand cigar] Would you like to try one of quality, for a change?
- Lt. Columbo: Oh, I thought this was a vacant dormitory.
- Col. Lyle C. Rumford: It is.
- Lt. Columbo: I see.
- Col. Lyle C. Rumford: But it will change. Maybe not this year. Maybe not next. But it's going to change, mister. You can put your money on it. No more reluctant mama's boys, no more 4F's, no more Section Eights. This country is going to have the best damn army in the world. And Haynes Military Academy will be a part of it.
- Lt. Columbo: ALL CADETS, REMAIN WHERE YOU ARE!
- Col. Lyle C. Rumford: Lieutenant, what the hell's going on here?