Dick Van Dyke: Paul Galesko

Negative Reaction

Paul Galesko

Paul Galesko: You believe that somehow I'm responsible for my wife's death. Oh, don't deny it, Lieutenant! You're like a little shaggy-haired terrier who's got a grip on my trousers, you won't let go. I can't turn around without you staring up at me with that blank, innocent expression on your face!

[Galesko has tied his wife to a chair]
Frances Galesko: Are you trying to frighten me with some new-found masculinity?
Paul Galesko: I have this... "dream", Frances. I'm working, and, uh, there's a phone call, and he says, "Terribly sorry, Mr. Galesko, but... your wife's dead. Unfortunate accident," and then I always wake up, and I want to cry. Because you're still alive, Frances, and I have nothing to face that day, but another 24 hours with a domineering, nagging, suffocating woman who took all the joy out of my life.
[He takes a pistol out of his briefcase]
Frances Galesko: Huh! Paul, don't be a fool! They'll know you did it!
Paul Galesko: I don't think so. Not if everything works.
Frances Galesko: You'll never get away with it!
Paul Galesko: If not... it's a chance I'm gonna take.
Frances Galesko: [pleading] Untie me!
[Galesko shoots her]

Paul Galesko: If... if I hadn't taken that camera. You were counting on that. You didn't accidentally reverse that film, you did that deliberately.

Paul Galesko: [gesturing at Columbo's camera] Lieutenant, may I ask, what's the meaning of that?
Lt. Columbo: You noticed. I'm sorry, sir, I tried to be inconspicuous.
Paul Galesko: Well, you failed, miserably.

Lt. Columbo: [prepares to leave] Well, I'll be running along, sir. Thank you very much for the time.
Paul Galesko: It's all right.
Lt. Columbo: Oh, there's one other thing, sir, uh... it's a bit of a problem...

Paul Galesko: Lieutenant, that is not a good picture. The exposure's way too light, the framing is off, everything's way off center, the framing... It's not a good picture, Lieutenant.
Lt. Columbo: You know, you're right.

Lt. Columbo: I know I've been a pest. I'm just trying to do my job. I won't bother you anymore.
Paul Galesko: Oh, I hope you mean that, Lieutenant. For your sake and for mine.

Paul Galesko: O-oh, Lieutenant, you're priceless! You're a gem! You're a little flawed, and you're not too bright, but you're one of a kind!

Paul Galesko: Well, Lieutenant, that man was blind drunk. He didn't know WHAT he heard.

Lt. Columbo: You see this newspaper? This is the same edition of the newspaper that the letters and words for the ransom note were cut out of. I'm trying to reconstruct that note.
Paul Galesko: You need any help with your spelling, lieutenant?
Lt. Columbo: I'll tell you what the problem is. We found this newspaper in the motel room. It was sprawled over a chair. It was left there, even though the maid said that she cleaned up the room.
Paul Galesko: Yes, I told you. She probably lied.
Lt. Columbo: That's the problem, sir. You see this terrible mess I'm making? There's just no way to cut up this paper and paste together this note without making a mess. I know. I tried it last night, my wife and I.
Paul Galesko: Columbo, what's your point?
Lt. Columbo: My point is this: if the maid forgot to clean up the room, then why didn't we find little bits and pieces of paper somewhere? You see the problem? If she did clean up the room, then everything gets thrown out. All the bits and pieces of paper gets thrown out and the newspaper gets out. If she doesn't clean up the room, then these scraps of paper, they have to be somewhere. You can see the contradiction.

Paul Galesko: Lieutenant, did you want something?
Lt. Columbo: Is there someplace, sir, that you and I could, uh, talk?
Paul Galesko: [irritated] Columbo, you're becoming very annoying, do you know that?

Lt. Columbo: I gotta get my dog to the vet.
Paul Galesko: Oh! Is he sick?
Lt. Columbo: No sir, he's in love... or he was in love. With the cocker spaniel next door. But the family moved away, and now the dog... he won't eat, he won't sleep. He just lays around. I can't look at him.
Paul Galesko: Well, Lieutenant, I never owned a pet, so I wouldn't know how to advise you.
Lt. Columbo: Uh huh, 's too bad. Uh... I don't suppose you have a picture of a cocker spaniel around, do ya?
Paul Galesko: A picture?
Lt. Columbo: You know, I mean maybe I could tack up some kind of a picture. Ya know, something he could look at. Kind of like a pin-up.
Paul Galesko: No. Really.
Lt. Columbo: Oh. Nah, that's a terrible idea. I mean, a dog is dumb but he won't fall for that. The dog would know it wasn't her. Ha! Forget I mentioned it.
Paul Galesko: Yeah, I will, Lieutenant!

[Paul Galesko enjoys a successful showing of his work with his assistant and his publisher]
Ray: Ooh, ooh, ooh, and, and, uh, talking about books, that funny little man came by my office again yesterday.
Paul Galesko: What man?
Ray: Oh, you know, the uh, policeman.
Paul Galesko: Bombarded you with questions, I suppose, huh?
Ray: Oh, yeah. Yeah, but he bought one of your volumes, so it wasn't a complete waste of time, eh?
Lorna McGrath: You know, he did take quite an interest in your work the other day.
Ray: Mm-hm.
Paul Galesko: [spots Columbo at a distance] And today as well.
Lorna McGrath: Hm?
Lt. Columbo: Mr. Galesko, sir!
Ray: Ah, good afternoon, Lieutenant.
Lt. Columbo: [to Paul] I've been looking all over for you, sir.
Paul Galesko: [exasperated] You have.
Lt. Columbo: Yes, uh, I hope I'm not interrupting...

Lt. Columbo: Well, look, I won't hold you up any longer. I want to apologize again if I caused any disturbance.
Paul Galesko: All right, Lieutenant.
Lt. Columbo: Ah, one more thing, sir. I almost forgot. One more thing that I wanted to check on. Uh, probably not important... um...
Lt. Columbo: [to Galesko's driver] Could you excuse us?