Peter Falk credited as playing...
Columbo
- Lt. Columbo: I had an uncle. He played bagpipes in the shriners band. He couldn't play a note, but nobody could tell the difference.
- Lt. Columbo: You know, Miss Chandler, if anybody ever told me I'd be standing here... I mean, right face-to-face with you... I mean, I've been in love with you all my life.
- Nora Chandler: I know. You never expected to meet a legend.
- Lt. Columbo: You understand, Miss Chandler, the only reason your poor secretary is dead is because somebody made a terrible mistake last night.
- Gate Guard: Hey, Lieutenant, did you ever think of getting another car?
- Lt. Columbo: Yeah, but I got another car. My wife drives it. Of course, it's nothing special. Just for transportation.
- Jerry Parks: Oh, Lieutenant, I thought you wanted to use the phone.
- Lt. Columbo: Yeah, but I was just gonna call my wife and she's probably still talking, so...
- Lt. Columbo: Why do you keep saying "he"?
- Jerry Parks: Hmm?
- Lt. Columbo: About the person who made that mistake last night.
- Jerry Parks: Well, it's perfectly natural, isn't it? You say "murderer," I say "he." Male chauvinist at heart.
- Lt. Columbo: Um... but I thought, Miss Chandler, that you didn't approve of Mr. Parks. And, sir, quite frankly, some of the things that you said about...
- Nora Chandler: Oh!
- Lt. Columbo: would indicate to me that...
- Nora Chandler: You just don't understand show business, Lieutenant. Now, if you'll excuse me. l... I have an appointment with some very important financial people. You see, Hollywood is fighting for survival, Lieutenant.
- Jerry Parks: You know, Lieutenant, she's so right. Her dear, departed husband would be spinning in his grave, if he had one.
- Nora Chandler: [over the phone] Hello, George.
- Lt. Columbo: [over the phone] Guess who that was. Whadda ya mean, you don't know? Don't you go to the movies? What are you, a moron?
- Lt. Columbo: You know, coincidence. If I hadn't called George, if he hadn't been looking at the TV, if it was some other movie, if you hadn't been dressed as a man, because that's when it occurred to me. Twelve years ago, somebody standing on a beach at night saw your husband get in a boat and go out to the ocean. I remember the photographs, you and your husband, the same height. Could have been you.
- Nora Chandler: It was.
- Lt. Columbo: You don't really believe someone that close couldn't see who was in Mr. Parks' car? Couldn't see that it was Miss Davis that was going to be killed?
- Lt. Columbo: I was just playing hunches. I had nothing to go on. I was just guessing. I had nothing concrete. I just wanted to see what you'd do.
- Lt. Columbo: Now it starts to make some sense. I have a possible explanation for why the fountain doesn't run. In order to lay water pipe, somebody would have to dig up the lawn, wouldn't they?