Evil Town

Somewhere in the mid-90s, when I was actually too young for it, I read a terrifying book entitled "Darkness" by John Saul. The plot, if I remember correctly, was about a community of elderly people that structurally extracted a serum from the younger inhabitants and passers-by to maintain their own youthfulness. Back then already, I thought about how cool it must be if there existed a horror film version of this book.

Of course, the idea has been used in horror films already, and apparently even long before "Darkness" got published in 1991. Today I found out that "Evil Town" also features a very reminiscent plot, but despite the enormous potential, it's one of the worst and most boring horror movies of the 80s (and that's saying something).

"Evil Town" can only be described as hectic, unstructured, and hopelessly inept. What do you expect from a film that has three different directors and four different scriptwriters? What started out in the early 70s as a good idea by a promising young director (Curtis "L. A. Confidential" Hanson) quickly ended up in production hell and oblivion, until it was picked up again during the 80s and expanded with gratuitous nudity and dull sub plots. The nudity, primarily provided by voluptuous Lynda Wiesmeier, still stands as the highlight of the film; - even though shot quite distastefully. The essence of the story, namely the mad doctor and his rejuvenating serum, is totally ruined by the lack of tension, the absence of half-decent special effects, and by the actor (Dean Jagger) who can't even pronounce simple medical terms correctly.

Awful, wretched and plain lousy... Apparently this film was cut together from the remains of three unfinished films??? Maybe you wouldn't guess it right away (there's plenty of films out there that are an incoherent mess), but the ending really makes the film look like it was never finished.

While extremely painful and super-boring to sit through, here's a few laughs I had:

-- There's this blond bimbo (apparantly an ex-playmate) that keeps on running topless during the first act of the movie. And boy, look at those big cahoocha's! You'd say the director would show some respect and love when filming those two wonders of nature, but one "smoochy"-scene has her pressing her naked breasts against her boyfriend's chest in such a way that they just look plain wrong. Like one of them is mutated, or something. Best part has her running topless through the woods: bounce, wobble, shake, bump!

-- There's a couple of scenes in which old people drug a young couple and fight with a young dude... all in slow-motion! They wave syringes, they get kicked in the face, fall on the ground, wrestle with the young dude... all in slow-motion!

-- You'll never believe the town's evil doctor! Not only he can't act, he also has a speech-problem of sorts. The guy just can't articulate and stutters his every line. "Pituitary gland" comes out sounding "Patwooatwy gland" and even a simple word like "country" sounds like "cµntwee".

And will you listen to that downright abominable and most inappropriate music on the soundtrack...

EVIL TOWN is one of the worst "small town with a secret"-horror films I've ever seen. Oh, and in case you're wondering: There's no zombies in it.

Two points for those cahoocha's as they always come in pairs. And that's it.

This movie is for B horror movie lovers only. The idea of the film is really good, though the execution is awful. The acting is terrible, though you might recognise a few actors. Dean Jagger, who plays the evil doctor looks the spitting image of Arthur C Clarke, which in itself is creepy. Surprised this hasn't been remade, in the right hands it could be good.

At least that's how I was hoping this movie would end. I managed to NOT absolutely hate this movie, although the rental synopsis was misleading. The only reason I tried "Evil Town" was my weakness for zombie movies, and this movie promised to be about a doctor who creates an army of the living dead. Not quite.

I regard "Evil Town" as an ultra-cheap "Pulp Fiction" of B-grade horror movies. It basically has three plots, all involving the same group of people in a sleepy town. (If anything, watch this one to see the sign in the opening minute of the movie - Smalltown, Pop. 666, Elev. 13) One plot involves two perverts who get a kick out of kidnapping girls who are passing through. Another is about an escaped patient from the local hospital. And the third and major plot is about the aforementioned doctor performing experiments at the same hospital, creating an army of the brain-dead who don't end up doing anything anyway.

So the acting is terrible. So the gore is non-existent. So the directing is flat and talentless. (The movie had 3 - count 'em, three - directors!) So the entire thing could be made by a group of friends and their immediate families. Hey, I know I've never seen a movie involving a town of rampaging senior citizens! If you want to see a movie where the only thing that sets the hero apart from all the other characters is his willingness to beat up old people, I say give "Evil Town" a quick view.

The most interesting thing about Evil Town was most definitely the presence of breasts, big huge bouncing breasts at that. I couldn't stop laughing when the woman is being chased through the forest and as she runs, her boobs wobble up and down like a yo-yo. There's plenty of shots of them too. After this is over the story soon gets dull. The deaths are goreless and the plot seems to be going nowhere...until the end, when all is revealed.

The overall story is vaguely interesting, but it's the sort of thing that's been done before. I notice someone else described this as a zombie film, which is untrue. There are no zombies to be found at all. The only good things going for Evil Town are breasts, as mentioned, and a fairly good musical score.