Art Carney credited as playing...
Harry
- Harry: When did you last have a woman, Jacob?
- Jacob Rivetowski: What?
- Harry: When did you last sleep with a woman?
- Jacob Rivetowski: Saturday night.
- [pause]
- Jacob Rivetowski: March.
- [pause]
- Jacob Rivetowski: 1951. Yeah, it was about ten o'clock at night.
- Harry: [In jail for urinating in public] This is the first time in my life I've ever been in jail.
- Sam Two Feathers: What are you in for?
- Harry: Peeing.
- Sam Two Feathers: I got a ticket once for shitting.
- Harry: Where'd you do it?
- Sam Two Feathers: No, not me. My horse - in a hotel lobby.
- Harry: Oh.
- Harry: [Talking to his cat, reminiscing about an earlier New York City] There were trolleys, Tonto. Cobblestones. The aroma of corned beef and cabbage. The tangy zest of... apple strudel. You had to hand-crank the cars in those days, Tonto. Cars like REO's, Franklins, Hudsons. Those were names fit for a car. These days a man doesn't know whether he's driving a car or an animal: "Mustangs," "Jaguars," "Cougars,"... "Pintos." - Silly.
- Nick Lewis - Used Car Dealer: I am 62 years old.
- [Indicates to Harry the rather obvious hair piece he's wearing]
- Nick Lewis - Used Car Dealer: I can't get it up unless I take a dose of strychnine.
- Harry: Strychnine? I thought strychnine was poisonous?
- Nick Lewis - Used Car Dealer: Naw, no... It really gives you a lift, you know? But I wanna' tell ya, it isn't worth it. 'Cause I get such terrible headaches. Right through my skull. "Bong! Bong!" Like a sledgehammer. So, a fella' has to decide whether he wants a migraine headache... or a piece of ass, you know?
- Harry: Well, Nick, you live and learn.
- Harry: Did you see that?
- Jacob Rivetowski: No.
- Harry: Fellow almost ran me over.
- Jacob Rivetowski: What kind of car?
- Harry: I don't know... a big gray job.
- Jacob Rivetowski: Capitalist bastard!
- Panhandler: [knocks on car window] Have you got 35 cents?
- Harry: Why thirty-five?
- Panhandler: I wanna' buy a mink coat.
- Wade Carlton: So I was broke. I rode me down to Galveston. Read an article in the paper... about catchin' sharks. Shark's good for a lot of things. Got a job with a Portuguese feller. Caught sharks till I couldn't move my arms. Made me $300 and come home. Hadn't shaved for three weeks. Come walkin' up to the front door. The wife thought it was a bum. Told me to clear on out. That's when I got into cats.
- Harry: Your wife still alive?
- Wade Carlton: Nope. Buried three of 'em. Good women. Bad diets.
- Harry: Jacob, they want me to move.
- Jacob Rivetowski: What?
- Harry: I got a notice that they're tearing down my building. They're putting up a fancy parking lot.
- Jacob Rivetowski: Capitalist bastards!
- Burt Coombes Jr.: I know you think you're really far out. You smoke a couple of joints, and you think you're into something, right? No... hey, I know. I mean, I took 32 trips, you ninny. Pure stuff. Pure rainbow! I had more coke stuffed up this nose than you could breathe air. I was into heavy Tibetan meditation for two years, you jimbo!
- Harry: You're not very tolerant, Junior.
- Burt Coombes Jr.: The heaviest thing I can do for him is to-...
- [shouts]
- Burt Coombes Jr.: wake him up!
- Harry: Did you ever have Annushka again?
- Jacob Rivetowski: No, no... My father started slipping it to her regularly.
- Harry: [chuckling] Polish logic!
- Jacob Rivetowski: He was a capitalist bastard!
- Harry: Let me tell you something: times are bad. Don't you believe what they're saying in the papers about a recession. We're in a depression.
- Taxi Driver: You better believe it.
- Harry: Your office near your place?
- Eddie Coombes: I don't need an office anymore, Pop. I'm living off the cream now. I sell a little insurance once in a while... or move a nice piece of real estate whenever I need some fast cash. But mostly I play.
- Harry: Well, I must say, Eddie, you *look* like a playboy.