Gene Wilder credited as playing...
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein
- Igor: You know, I'll never forget my old dad. When these things would happen to him... the things he'd say to me.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: What did he say?
- Igor: "What the hell are you doing in the bathroom day and night? Why don't you get out of there and give someone else a chance?"
- [Froederick and Igor are exhuming a dead criminal]
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: What a filthy job.
- Igor: Could be worse.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: How?
- Igor: Could be raining.
- [it starts to pour]
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: You know, I'm a rather brilliant surgeon. Perhaps I can help you with that hump.
- Igor: What hump?
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [Reading from his grandfathers' notebook] "As the minuteness of the parts formed a great hinderance to my speed, I resolved therefore to make a being of a gigantic stature."
- [pause]
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Of course. That would simplify everything.
- Inga: In other vords: his veins, his feet, his hands, his organs vould all have to be increased in size.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Exactly.
- Inga: He vould have an enormous schwanzstucker.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: That goes without saying.
- Inga: Voof.
- Igor: He's going to be very popular.
- Igor: Dr. Frankenstein...
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: "Fronkensteen."
- Igor: You're putting me on.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: No, it's pronounced "Fronkensteen."
- Igor: Do you also say "Froaderick"?
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: No... "Frederick."
- Igor: Well, why isn't it "Froaderick Fronkensteen"?
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: It isn't; it's "Frederick Fronkensteen."
- Igor: I see.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: You must be Igor.
- [He pronounces it ee-gor]
- Igor: No, it's pronounced "eye-gor."
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: But they told me it was "ee-gor."
- Igor: Well, they were wrong then, weren't they?
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [to Igor] Now that brain that you gave me. Was it Hans Delbrück's?
- Igor: [pauses] No.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Ah! Very good. Would you mind telling me whose brain I DID put in?
- Igor: Then you won't be angry?
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: I will NOT be angry.
- Igor: Abby someone.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [pauses] Abby someone. Abby who?
- Igor: Abby... Normal.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [pauses] Abby Normal?
- Igor: I'm almost sure that was the name.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [chuckles] Are you saying that I put an abnormal brain into a seven and a half foot long, fifty-four inch wide GORILLA?
- [grabs Igor and starts throttling him]
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Is that what you're telling me?
- Inga: Werewolf!
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Werewolf?
- Igor: There.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: What?
- Igor: There, wolf. There, castle.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Why are you talking that way?
- Igor: I thought you wanted to.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: No, I don't want to.
- Igor: [shrugs] Suit yourself. I'm easy.
- [last lines]
- Inga: You know, there's something I've been meaning to ask you. In the transference, the monster got part of your wonderful brain. But what did you ever get from him?
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [growls suggestively]
- Inga: [gasping] Oh my goodness, I don't believe...
- [emits several somewhat painful-sounding moans and grunts]
- Inga: [singing] Oh, sweet mystery of life, at last I've found you!
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Love is the only thing that can save this poor creature, and I am going to convince him that he is loved even at the cost of my own life. No matter what you hear in there, no matter how cruelly I beg you, no matter how terribly I may scream, do not open this door or you will undo everything I have worked for. Do you understand? Do not open this door.
- Inga: Yes, Doctor.
- Igor: Nice working with ya.
- [Dr. Frederick Frankenstein goes into the room with The Monster. The Monster wakes up]
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Let me out. Let me out of here. Get me the hell out of here. What's the matter with you people? I was joking! Don't you know a joke when you hear one? HA-HA-HA-HA. Jesus Christ, get me out of here! Open this goddamn door or I'll kick your rotten heads in! Mommy!
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Well, dear, are you ready?
- Inga: Yes, Doctor.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Elevate me.
- Inga: Now? Right here?
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Yes, yes, raise the platform.
- Inga: Oh. Ze platform. Oh, zat, yah, yah... yes.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Igor, help me with the bags.
- Igor: [Imitating Groucho Marx] Soitenly. You take the blonde, I'll take the one in the toiben.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: I was talking about the luggage.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [to The Monster] Hello handsome. You're a good looking fellow, do you know that? People laugh at you, people hate you, but why do they hate you? Because... they are jealous. Look at that boyish face. Look at that sweet smile. Do you wanna talk about physical strength? Do you want to talk about sheer muscle? Do you want to talk about the Olympian ideal? You are a God. And listen to me, you are not evil. You... are... good.
- [the Monster starts to cry, and Dr. Frederick Frankenstein hugs him]
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: This is a nice boy. This is a good boy. This is a mother's angel. And I want the world to know once and for all, and without any shame, that we love him. I'm going to teach you. I'm going to show you how to walk, how to speak, how to move, how to think. Together, you and I are going to make the greatest single contribution to science since the creation of fire.
- Inga: [from outside] Dr. Fronkensteen! Are you all right!
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: MY NAME IS FRANKENSTEIN!
- Igor: What is this?
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Schwartzwalder Kirschtorte.
- The Monster: [off-screen] MMMMMMM!
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Oh, do you like it? I'm not partial to desserts myself, but this is excellent.
- Igor: Who are you talking to?
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: To you. You just made a yummy sound, so I thought you liked the dessert.
- Igor: I didn't make a yummy sound, I just asked you what it is.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: But you did. I just heard it.
- Igor: It wasn't me.
- Inga: It wasn't me.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Well, now look here. If it wasn't you, and it wasn't you...
- [he asks himself]
- The Monster: [off-camera] Mmmmmm!
- [Frankenstein, Igor and Inga in front of HUGE castle doors]
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: What knockers.
- Inga: Oh, thank you doctor.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: That music...
- Frau Blücher: Yes. It's in your blood - it's in the blood of ALL Frankensteins. It reaches the soul when words are useless. Your grandfather used to play it to the creature HE vas making.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Then it was you all the time.
- Frau Blücher: Yes.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: You played that music in the middle of the night...
- Frau Blücher: Yes.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: ...to get us to the laboratory.
- Frau Blücher: Yes.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: That was YOUR cigar smoldering in the ashtray.
- Frau Blücher: Yes.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: And it was you... who left my grandfather's book out for me to find.
- Frau Blücher: Yes.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: So that I would...
- Frau Blücher: Yes.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Then you and Victor were...
- Frau Blücher: YES. YES. Say it. He vas my... BOYFRIEND.
- Frau Blücher: Good night, Herr Doktor.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Good night, Frau Blücher.
- [horses whinny]
- [after failing to bring the creature to life]
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Nothing.
- Inga: Oh, Doctor, I'm sorry.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: No. No. Be of good cheer. If science teaches us anything, it teaches us to accept our failures, as well as our successes, with quiet dignity and grace.
- [starts beating up the creature]
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Son of a bitch! Bastard! I'll get you for this! What did you do to me? What did you do to me.
- Inga: Stop it! Stop that! Stop it! You'll kill him!
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: I don't want to live. I do not want to live.
- Igor: Quiet dignity and grace
- [rolls eyes]
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Oh... mama...
- [Frederick, Inga and Igor find an abandoned violin]
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Well this explains the music.
- Igor: It's still warm.
- Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: From that fateful day when stinking bits of slime first crawled from the sea and shouted to the cold stars, "I am man.", our greatest dread has always been the knowledge of our mortality. But tonight, we shall hurl the gauntlet of science into the frightful face of death itself. Tonight, we shall ascend into the heavens. We shall mock the earthquake. We shall command the thunders, and penetrate into the very womb of impervious nature herself.