Sharon's Baby

Good things about this picture:

Joan Collins at the height of her sexiness (confusingly playing a stripper who only disrobes in the dressing room, not on stage).

Caroline Munro, ditto (here 'amusingly' dubbed by Liz Fraser).

Ralph Bates as an Italian (says "Scusi" a lot).

Eileen Atkins, ditto ("He is possessed by a Day-ville").

Donald Pleasance ('Nuff said).

The appearance of Floella Benjamin as a nurse who helps deliver the possessed tyke.

Interesting music score by 'Dr.Who/Steptoe and Son' man Ron Grainer (Hawaiian guitars, synths and assorted percussion!).

John Steiner as a grinning Cocker-nee club owner who manages to bed both Joan and Caroline whilst exhibiting a mouthful of the most off-putting fangs this side of Austin Powers.

Lots of lovely shots of London landmarks with Capris and Minis whizzing round 'em.

'Shocking' flash-cuts of a scary dwarf in a crib.

Mr. Pleasance charming Eileen by demonstrating his bedside manner.

A complete lack of any 'subtext' whatsoever.

Bad thing: It only last 90 minutes.

Sex, scandal, strippers and more mix in this unintentionally funny horror flick that's an absolute must for people who treasure bad genre movies.

This one is in the vein of "Rosemary's Baby" and "It's Alive". Joan Collins plays Lucy Carlesi, a woman who comes to fear that her newborn is possessed. And she could be right: almost every person who comes into contact with this infant meets a horrible death.

You have to hand it to British actors: they can sell just about anything, and make this train wreck more entertaining than it has a right to be. Collins does a remarkably sincere job, and is well supported by Ralph Bates, as her husband Gino, Donald Pleasence, as Dr. Finch, Caroline Munro as her sister Mandy, Eileen Atkins, as her sister-in-law Albana, Hilary Mason, as the grumpy Mrs. Hyde, John Steiner, as sleazy Tommy Morris, and George Claydon, as malevolent dwarf Hercules. Although their performances are fine, the "accents" affected by Bates and Atkins - who are playing Italians - are downright hysterical. Just get a load of the way that Atkins says the word "devil".

The best moments in this thing have to be the kill scenes, which should inspire some pretty hearty chuckles. People get shoved into a river, decapitated with a shovel, and hung before this is over. There are some fleeting breast shots for voyeurs and a fairly decent dose of gore. The movie can boast *some* style, particularly in a nightmare sequence. The score by Ron Grainer is most amusing, sounding more like porno music than anything else.

Picked up by A.I.P. for distribution in North America, "I Don't Want to Be Born" is a real hoot and a half. It might not be "good", but it's fun schlock.

Five out of 10.

A woman (Joan Collins) gives birth to a baby, but this is no ordinary little tyke. The child is seemingly possessed by the spirit of a freaky, sexual dwarf (George Claydon) whom the mother once spurned. From director Peter Sasdy, who made "Countess Dracula" (1971) and "Hands of the Ripper" (also 1971).

First, let me absolutely say that I love this film being retitled "Sharon's Baby". The original title, "Devil Within Her", is so much better, and the new title just sounds like a cheesy knockoff of "Rosemary's Baby"... which, of course, is a film it could never live up to. Sounds like the sort of new title that would get it played at sleazy drive-ins or theaters on 42nd Street.

The soundtrack is awesome. Not unlike Goblin's work in Italian films, it seems that the musicians here were going for the same style. The only problem is that this style of music only works in Italian films... and sounds completely silly in British or American works. I loved it, but I can imagine the average person wondering what the heck is going on.

Horror fans will love seeing Donald Pleasence, who has far too small of a role as Dr. Finch. Maybe he did not read the script, or maybe it sounded better on paper than it turned out on film, but I am glad he signed on for this.

At the time of release, Andrew Nickolds wrote that he film was "derivative and disastrous in every respect: a poor idea... an abominable screenplay by Stanley Price... ludicrous acting... and worst of all, Sasdy's direction. Almost every foot of film not concerned with the baby is travelogue at its most banal – extraneous shots of Westminster and Oxford Street, plugs for Fortnum & Mason and Holiday Inns. Completing this sorry tale of rip-off is borrowing from The Exorcist... and any number of details from Amicus, Hammer and Swinging London horrors. Give it a wide berth." Wow, Andrew, harsh!

Luckily, the film has since enjoyed its place as a cult camp favorite, because really, who besides Nickolds was taking it that seriously?

How can you not love Joan Collins as the new mom of a baby boy possessed by the demonic spirit of a dancing dwarf? It's laugh out loud funny! I must add it to my collection of lovable, very bad horror movies. It's like Rosemary's Baby meets The Leprechaun.

I DON'T WANT TO BE BORN

(USA: The Devil Within Her)

Aspect ratio: 1.85:1

Sound format: Mono

A nightclub stripper (Joan Collins) is cursed by a dwarf (George Claydon) whose attentions she spurned, and she later gives birth to a murderous baby possessed by a demonic spirit.

Clearly inspired by the contemporary vogue for satanic shockers, this slapdash concoction - memorably dismissed by UK journalist Nigel Burrell as a 'crapulous farrago'! - was thrown together by Hungarian director Peter Sasdy, previously responsible for such superior offerings as "Taste the Blood of Dracula" (1969), "Countess Dracula" (1970) and "Hands of the Ripper" (1971). Here, his contempt for the material is obvious in the weak storyline, feeble horror scenes and lackluster staging, and his concessions to the exploitation marketplace (strippers at work, a gory decapitation, etc.) are shoehorned into proceedings with reckless abandon.

Quite apart from its ridiculous premise (unlike the mutant creature in Larry Cohen's similarly-styled IT'S ALIVE, sweet little babies simply aren't frightening, no matter how much filmmakers try to make them seem otherwise!), the movie is further stymied by indifferent performances and half-baked characterizations: Collins runs the gamut from A to B and back again, Donald Pleasence provides little more than marquee value as Collins' doctor, and Ralph Bates (playing the heroine's husband) is a blank slate throughout. Hilary Mason - the blind lady in DON'T LOOK NOW (1973) - plays the wary housekeeper, and Eileen Atkins is Bates' sister, a nun who performs the commercially-dictated climactic exorcism. Support is offered by Caroline Munro as a fellow stripper (though she looks far too glamorous to be playing such a lowbrow Cockney strumpet!) and Euro-favorite John Steiner as one of Collins' former boyfriends. There's enough campery to entertain die-hard fans, but the sloppy production values and leaden pace will certainly limit the film's appeal to anyone else.

Oh, and watch out for abbreviated prints: If you don't see the head come off in the aforementioned decapitation sequence, you're viewing a censored version...