Criminally Insane

Let me open up by setting the mood for this one. When "Criminally Insane" was first released in the theaters there was a large, industrial sized scale placed in the lobby of selected theaters where it was shown and any woman weighing over 250lbs was admitted to the film for free! This should help set the mood for this poorly filmed, inept but highly entertaining horror-cheapie. The saving grace of this film is the hysterical Priscilla Alden (the 250lbs actress who plays the role of Ethel Janowski). She plays the lead character so dead pan that you cannot help but be entertained by her as she fries a pound of bacon at a time, cooks a dozen eggs, or toasts an entire loaf of bread! Food is actually a character in this film and it is Ethel's worst enemy. She kills 6 people in between stuffing her face with a half-gallon of ice cream, an entire box of vanilla wafers, or a dozen sweet rolls and when she runs out of ideas about how to conceal the bodies...she eats them! Meanwhile she is also the rudest woman you will ever come across, concerned only with her next meal as she spouts anti-semitic statements about her doctor and calls the grocery boy (whom she had just murdered) a "smart-alec kid". So grab yourself a gallon of ice cream and enjoy this 70's horror gem!

Barely an hour long, this has got to be one of the worst horror films of the 70s. Ethel is fat, crazy and hungry for blood in this dreary minimalist gore film. The cast is made up of some of the ugliest people in recent memory, the classical/experimental music score is annoying and of course the acting is atrociously BAD!! Millard's "directing" is completely devoid of style and/or talent, except for an entertaining nightmare sequence where Ethel chops up a bloody mannequin while director Millard indulges in using negative image effects. The blood does flow freely but is way below the standard of your average H.G. Lewis film. If you can make it through this movie try watching the sequel. It's twice as bad as this!!!

Vile, crude, disgusting, hideous, degrading, nonsensical: "Criminally Insane" (AKA "Crazy Fat Ethel". Seriously.) is a movie that just has it all. It's a bewildering exercise in bad taste, merely watching it makes you feel like you desperately need to take a shower. Furthermore, it has the unique ability to make everything some people hate about Z-grade schlock into a merit. Just take the film stock this movie is shot on, for example. It looks like someone was embalmed in it, but that's exactly how you want it to look. Forget about the pretty colors and high definition, this right here is what it's all about. The actors also add a lot to the general uncomfortable atmosphere: Priscilla Alden is great as the deadpan lead, but the bit characters are actually just as good. The spineless Sarah Jessica Parker-faced sister who just for the hell of it is also a prostitute, her abusive make-up wearing boyfriend/pimp, the random drunk dude (a sadly brief cameo), the shock therapist, the oddball police inspector, you don't want any of these people living next door. Oh, and then there's the dialogue. This script is so full of gems that it's hard to keep up, can humor get any darker than this? I don't know how "Criminally Insane" was ever intended, but the finished product is incredibly awesome. Dig it up if you can, it's totally worth it.

CRIMINALLY INSANE is a real treat for cult horror fans. Don't get me wrong, it is no classic and plays like a low rent H.G. Lewis film (yes, you read that right) but there is just something inherently appealing about this film.

The story is incredibly simple (Ethel kills nearly everyone she encounters) with few surprises (the end is a shocker though) but the film is infused with some great moments of black humor. The star of the film is, of course, Priscilla Alden as the criminally insane Ethel. I will stand my ground when I say the film's success rests firmly on her shoulders. Scenes of her repeatedly stabbing her grandmother while yelling, "I want that key! I want that key!" or her taking out a grocery store delivery boy are played perfectly. Despite Millard's claim that the got professional actors from Los Angeles, this is strictly amateur hour (sharp eyed viewers will catch a clean shaved George "Buck" Flower in there though). Strangely, all of this works to the film's benefit, creating some incredibly surreal moments.

The film is filled with plenty of these "what the hell" moments. For instance, Ethel's sister Rosalie and her abusive boyfriend John move in. During a bedroom romp, John explains to Rosalie that he beats her because "baby, sometime you need to be beaten." How does she react to this misogynist viewpoint? Why by embracing him and giving him a kiss! The film is incredibly cheap and Millard makes no bones about it. In fact, he is oddly proud of what appears on screen for his $30,000 ("the biggest budget I have ever had," he claims). Watching this type of "do it yourself" cinema reminds me of the aforementioned H.G. Lewis, the cult films from Something Weird or Frank Henenlotter's debut BASKET CASE. It may not be pretty but it is definitely entertaining.

This movie is funny for all the wrong reasons - the horrible acting, the lamentable special effects, the bizarre music, and the $.57 budget. However, if you're in the mood for something a little, uh, offbeat and darkly comic, watch this. I have honestly never seen anything funnier than "Criminally Insane" and I would recommend it for anybody who likes the weird, cheap, and hysterical.