Lady Cocoa

"Coco" (Lola Falana) is serving time in a Nevada penitentiary and agrees to testify against her mob boyfriend "Eddie" (James A. Watson Jr.) in exchange for her freedom. Naturally, Eddie doesn't like the idea and sends a couple of hit men to take care of the problem once and for all. Figuring that something like this might happen the District Attorney provides two bodyguards by the names of "Doug" (Gene Washington) and "Ramsey" (Alex Dreier). Unfortunately, she refuses to believe that Eddie will try to harm her and treats both of her them with complete contempt. But one of the hit men named "Big Joe" (Mean Joe Greene) isn't playing any games. Now rather than reveal any more of the story and risk spoiling the movie for those who haven't seen it I will just say that I thought the character of Coco was extremely annoying. But even so I must admit that Lola Falana played her part superbly. I also liked the surprises as the story progressed. In short, for a low-budget "Blaxploitation" movie this one wasn't too bad. Slightly above average.

Of all the crappy blaxploitation films I've seen in my day, this is definitely one of them. Talk about poor film making, Lady Cocoa looks like it was shot by a bunch of high school kids.

Here's a short list of things that make this movie suck:

1. The screen changes colors repeatedly, probably from leaving the film cans sitting out in the sun or something. It reminds me of something shot in the early 1900's. One second everything will be completely purple, the next it will be green, followed by orange, then black and white. Even when the color is correct (which isn't often) the characters look totally illuminated, making the entire room glow. This is the first film I've ever seen that was physically painful to watch.

2. The sound is awful. There is a high pitched squeal the entire movie. I tried the disc on two DVD players and two TV's and it was still there. The boom mic gets smacked around a lot to, usually making more noise than it actually records. Thankfully, it saves you from having to hear the awful dialogue, or in the case of Mean Joe, lack there of.

3. The story lags and lags and lags. There is absolutely no action in this movie until the 73rd minute, much like Matt Cimber's previous work, The Black Six. Up until then, I was under the impression this was some type of romantic comedy.

4. Every thing in Lady Cocoa is completely illogical. Especially the ending. I supposed I should be grateful this one at least had an ending (director's previous movie just turned off after awhile).

SUMMARY: Sucks.

LADY COCOA is an unheard-of blaxploitation movie from cult director Matt Cimber. This is a film made with no budget and no talent which makes it a real test of the will just to sit through. The story is about a tough femme fatale who agrees to testify against her ex-boyfriend, a leading mobster, in court. She's subsequently put under a witness protection scheme while a bunch of hit men turn up and attempt to whack her.

It's not a bad premise as premises go but the execution is really lousy here. The whole first hour is set in a single hotel room while the viewer is subjected to the main character incessantly whining and complaining about everything in sight. Lola Falana is no Pam Grier, that's for sure, and her whiny performance becomes grating about five minutes in. She gets way too much screen time and has such a dreadful character that you'll be hoping the bad guys do succeed in wiping her out.

Later on, things finally do leave the confines of the hotel and there's a little low rent action, but it's not especially interesting. The supporting cast are a bit better than the lead, especially the old timers, but Cimber's direction is awful and static, leading to a lifeless viewing experience. His subsequent horror movie THE WITCH WHO CAME FROM THE SEA was a little better, but only just.

Cracking blaxploitation feature stars singer / performer Lola Falana as the title character, a sexpot being released from prison so that she may testify against her racketeer boyfriend Eddie (James A. Watson Jr.). Watching over her are a corpulent, seen it all veteran cop, Ramsey (Alex Dreier), and a former patrolman, Doug (Gene Washington). Cocoa must of course dodge various attempts made on her life while making life miserable for Ramsey and Doug. Because whatever Lola wants, Lola must get, of course.

This is actually a pretty lively and amusing comedy that eventually segues into conventional action and suspense. It gets a lot of its juice from the give and take between the two main characters. Doug doesn't like the assignment, or Cocoa, at first, but we all know it's merely a matter of time before he succumbs to her charms (and assets). Football great Washington and Ms. Falana set off an appreciable amount of sparks in the lead roles; Dreier lends gravitas and experience in his role. The supporting roles are amusingly cast; that's director Matt Cimber himself in the role of honeymooning newlywed Arthur, and Millie Perkins ("The Shooting") as his bride. Washingtons' peer 'Mean' Joe Greene plays one of two unrelenting hit men. Exploitation mainstays George 'Buck' Flower, John Goff, and Richard Kennedy appear as a gambler, 'Sicilian', and put-upon waiter respectively. Watson is smooth as the villain behind everything.

Ultimately, Mikel Angels' screenplay is just a little too predictable (save for one twist involving Perkins). Fortunately, the movie still manages to be fun, with good location photography, a nice action sequence with a runaway car *inside* a casino, and a music score by Luchi De Jesus that puts a few amusing spins on that old standard, 'Pop Goes the Weasel'. Ms. Falana herself co-adapted it with De Jesus for the brassy theme song, belted out by the super sexy lady over the opening credits.

Lolas' bimbo shtick may become wearying early on for some viewers, but those who stick it out will be rewarded with what turns out to be a solid entry into this genre.

Eight out of 10.

Granted, I had never heard about the 1975 movie "Lady Cocoa" as I stumbled upon it here in 2025. And with it being a movie that I was not familiar, and me believing in giving every movie a fair chance, of course I opted to check out what writer Mikel Angel and director Matt Cimber had to offer.

Sure, "Lady Cocoa" was a watchable enough movie, though it was a rather monotonous and bland viewing experience. Writer Mikel Angel didn't really give director Matt Cimber much of anything outstanding to work with. The storyline just never really latched unto me.

Needless to say that I was not familiar with the cast ensemble in the movie, though the acting performances were fair.

Watchable, sure, but it was a forgettable movie experience, and one that I will never return to watch a second time.

My rating of "Lady Cocoa" lands on a generous four out of ten stars.