The Perfect Killer

I prefer seeing Lee Van Cleef in this kind of euro crime than in a Spaghetti western. Of course that's not the best of Van Cleef, but this one is rather agreeable to watch because without any length, which is a good point. The scheme is over over used but still entertaining for action movies buffs, especially from this sixties and seventies period; very different in the making from the eighties or even later. Back to this one, the hired killer in charge to eliminate one of his friends reminded me VERTIGE POUR UN TUEUR, but I repeat, this topic is not new at all. Maybe the female characters presence was not always adequate to the story but it could have been far worse because of this. Anyway this film is not on the same scale as THE MECHANIC, another close scheme, more or less.

Perfect Killer is an odd and rather stupid crime film made in Italy in 1977, although most of the comments that I've read on it seem to be unduly harsh as while the film is silly and trashy, it is at least watchable. The film takes organised crime as its main theme and mixes it with plenty of action. The main selling point is undoubtedly the presence of the great Lee Van Cleef who stars as a hired killer. He's found himself in jail but takes an opportunity to escape after given one by a mysterious 'organisation'. He's then given a job as a killer for the organisation, but decides to leave when he is asked to kill a friend. However, it turns out that there was no 'get out' clause in the contract and the organisation sends out a killer after him. The plot of the film is good in that it moves very quickly, and everything that I've described (and a bit more) happens in the first half hour. After that, however, the film really begins to slide downhill as the action becomes less interesting and things don't flow as well, which is a bit of a shame. The film is mostly satisfying in terms of violence, as there's plenty, and there's a fair bit of sex too. There's also a few silly scenes which manage to amuse; a sequence that sees Van Cleef's nemesis fighting a trio of transvestites is memorable though not necessarily for the right reasons! Overall, I can't recommend anyone going out of their way to see this film; but it's really not all that bad and is decent enough for an hour and a half's entertainment.

Betrayed by his girl and best friend, thief Harry Chapman (Lee Van Cleef) takes the fall for a racetrack robbery. While in prison, he is offered a chance to participate in an escape plan. What he doesn't know is that once he is on the outside, the group responsible for the prison break has Harry in their debt and they use him as a hit-man. Naturally, he grows tired of the job and splits because he is hellbent on getting revenge on the former partners. So the mob puts young hit-man Luc (Robert Widmark) on Harry's trail.

It is kind of surprising that Van Cleef didn't do more Italian crime flicks in the 70s. To my knowledge, he only did this, MEAN FRANK AND CRAZY TONY (aka ESCAPE FROM DEATH ROW), and THE SQUEEZE. As it stands, this one is just kinda average. It doesn't really pick up until the last third. However, there are some great stand alone scenes like an attack by razor-wielding cross dressers (shades of the previous year's STRANGE SHADOWS IN AN EMPTY ROOM) and the final beach showdown. The craziest thing is how every woman seems to find Van Cleef - sporting a really bad rug - to be hot. Tita Barker (aka Carmen Cervera) is the love interest and John Ireland is Harry's confidant. Director Mario Siciliano previously worked with Widmark (aka Alberto Dell'Acqua) on some SARTANA westerns and also did the odd horror flick EVIL EYE (1975).

My sincerest condolences to anyone who has had the misfortune of watching this film. This is hands down one of the worst films to ever make it to video stores. I only hope you or your loved ones did not make the mistake of watching this movie alone -- it could easily be suicide. However, if you and your friends have a sadistic passion for seeing horrible movies, this should be at the top of your to do list. My favorite scenes include stock footage of a plane taking off (when in fact the plane should be landing), using a caged bird as a projectile, throwing a woman by her breast, and don't even get me started on the ending... Just amazingly awful. Plus, did I mention there are no mechanics or "satanics" in this whole film? Hahaha.

Years ago, I was given a VHS copy of 'The Satanic Mechanic' from a friend who knew of my love of bad movies. My God..I thought I was ready for this but I just wasn't equal to the task. The dialogue...the filler....aaaauuuggg! There is a scene of Lee Van Cleef parking his car that goes on for 5 minutes! My all time favorite scene has to be where Lee takes on a gang of transvestites in a steam bath, after kicking their asses he leaves with the line "See you in hell kid!" This is the only semi-satanic reference that I remember. I have no idea why this was named 'The Satanic Mechanic'. Not once does Lee Van Cleef do anything remotely mechanical or satanical. The cover of the VHS had a great photo of Lee taken from his '80s TV show 'The Master' (more confusion). I challenge anyone to sit through all off this movie! It breaks the rules of the space/time continuum in the way that time seems to reverse itself during the viewing. I myself have watched it over a dozen times and feel all the lesser for it.