Frank Oz credited as playing...
Fozzie Bear • Miss Piggy • Animal • Sam the Eagle • Mildred • George • George the Janitor • Marvin Suggs • Boppity • Frank • Zucchini Brother • Animal's Dancing Partner • Baby • Bert • Black Rooster • Crocodile • Gorgon Heap • Gramps • Whatnot Dancer • Whatnot Dancers • Additional Muppets • Alien • Atrics Piano Player • Atrics piano player • Banana • Baskerville • Beaker clones • Big Mary Louise • Billy the Bear • Boo Mortmorkinson • Borcellino • Bun-Bun Brother • Chickens • Clodhopper • Cookie Monster • Dog Bomber • Doglion • Dough • Fazoob • Feather Boa Constrictor • Fozzie's Cousin • Fred • Geri and the Atrics Piano Player • Girl Dancer • Gloat • Gogalala Jubilee Jugband Guitarist • Green Frackle • Green Heap • Grover • House • Hugga Wugga • Jugband Member • Killer Lamb • Lead Gingerbread Man • Male Koozebanian • Mary Louise • Merdlidop • Mother • Patient • Pig • Pigs • Purple Frackle • Purple Heap • Rat • Runaway • Salsburg Sauerkraut Singer • Scraggly Woman • Slim Wilson • Snake Frackle • Snowths • Tambourine Player • The Swedish Pig • Train Conductor • Tree • Two-Nosed Whatnot • Villain • Whatnot • Wolf • Wolfhound • Woman
- [the Swedish Chef is cooking, Miss Piggy appears]
- Miss Piggy: I'm looking for Foofoo! Foofoo my dog, you idiot!
- Swedish Chef: [cooking hot dogs, misunderstands] The dog is in the pot!
- Miss Piggy: WHAT? You cook Foo-foo?
- [tries to karate chop the Chef, but he blocks her]
- Robot Kermit: Hey, listen you, how about you and me getting together and makin' some ste-e-e-am heat. Huh, snuggle bunny?
- Miss Piggy: Snuggle bunny? Why, uh...
- Robot Kermit: Yeah. Look, let me take you away from all this. Aaah, a marriage made in heaven. A frog and a pig. We can have bouncing baby figs.
- Miss Piggy: Methinks thou doth protest too much.
- Kermit: What?
- Miss Piggy: Shakespeare.
- Kermit: Sounds more like Bacon. From a ham.
- Miss Piggy: How would you like a pork chop? Hi-yah!
- [karate chops Kermit]
- Miss Piggy: You always hurt the one you love.
- Miss Piggy: But I love him.
- Rowlf: How could you love him? You're a nurse.
- Miss Piggy: That may be true, but I am a woman first.
- Rowlf: No, you're not. You're a pig first. Nurse second. I don't think woman made the top 10.
- Miss Piggy: [as Nurse Piggy] It's too late, Doctor Bob. We've lost him.
- Rowlf: [as Doctor Bob] Well, he couldn't have gone far. He was under the sheet just a second ago.
- Fozzie: Kermit. Kermit. This time I have really got it. I have re-mastered the art of handling hecklers.
- Kermit: Oh, you think so, huh?
- Fozzie: Oh, I know so. I know so.
- Kermit: OK, I tell you what - you tell a joke and I will heckle you.
- Fozzie: Great.
- Kermit: But, Fozzie - I expect a great comeback.
- Fozzie: Right.
- [clears throat]
- Fozzie: Ahh, my cousin's so dumb he thinks Eggs Benedict's a mafia gangster.
- Kermit: I've seen cheeseburgers funnier then that.
- [Fozzie pounds Kermit with a rubber chicken]
- Fozzie: What do you think, huh? Too subtle?
- Fozzie: [the phone rings] I'll get it!
- [Picks up]
- Fozzie: Muppet Show backstage.
- [Thick white smoke comes out of the phone]
- Kermit: Fozzie, who was that?
- Fozzie: [Coughing] The fire department.
- Kermit: [Towards the camera] I think this is what's called a running gag.
- [At that the Muppet Newsman runs by towards the stage]
- Fozzie: [Pointing at him] No, THAT'S what's called a running gag.
- Fozzie: Let's all sing the rhyming song, the rhyming song, the rhyming song. Let's take turns and rhyme together... the rhyming song.
- Pig: I left my niece in your car.
- Fozzie: The rhyming song, the rhyming song.
- Pig: My laundry's ready at half-past nine.
- Fozzie: The rhyming song. Oh brother. Link?
- Link: The stars are twinkling in the sky.
- Fozzie: The rhyming song, the rhyming song.
- Link: There's no hot water in my hotel.
- Fozzie: The rhyming song.