Jim Henson credited as playing...
Kermit the Frog • Waldorf • Rowlf • Link Hogthrob • The Swedish Chef • Muppet Newsman • Dr. Teeth • The Newsman • Swedish Chef • Rowlf the Dog • Gloat • Jim • Zeke • Pig • Whatnot Dancers • Accordion Player • Beaver • Ernie • Jugband Member • Newsman • Prairie Dog • Australian • Baby • Beaker clones • Beautiful Day Monster • Black Rooster • Blue Frackle • Boppity • Boston Pops Conductor • Brown Bear • Bug • Bun-Bun Brother • Butch the Tiger • Cantaloupe • Clodhopper • Construction Worker • Dancers • Doglion • Droop • Eel • Fazoob • Flower-Eating Monster • Gills Brother • Gingerbread Man • Girl Dancer • Gypsy • Hillbilly Singer • King Rupert the Second • Lefty • Lenny the Lizard • Leo • Link Hoghrob • Link Hogthtrob • Mahna Mahna • Marvin • Mary Louise • Mean Mama • Miss Kitty • Miss Kitty's Dancing Partner • Muppaphones • Muppet Newspig • Nigel • Old Man Singer • One of the Students • Piano • Pigs • Pretty Monster • Rat • Robot Kermit • Rover Joe • Rowlf's Dancing Partner • Scientist • Shaky Sanchez • Silver Beak • Singer • Singing Fireman • Slim Wilson • Tennis Balls • The Muppaphones • The Muppet Newsman • Timmy Monster • Turkish Whatnot • Viking Pig • Villager • Villain • Wally Whoopie • Whatnot • Whatnot Dancer
- [the Swedish Chef is cooking, Miss Piggy appears]
- Miss Piggy: I'm looking for Foofoo! Foofoo my dog, you idiot!
- Swedish Chef: [cooking hot dogs, misunderstands] The dog is in the pot!
- Miss Piggy: WHAT? You cook Foo-foo?
- [tries to karate chop the Chef, but he blocks her]
- Robot Kermit: Hey, listen you, how about you and me getting together and makin' some ste-e-e-am heat. Huh, snuggle bunny?
- Miss Piggy: Snuggle bunny? Why, uh...
- Robot Kermit: Yeah. Look, let me take you away from all this. Aaah, a marriage made in heaven. A frog and a pig. We can have bouncing baby figs.
- Miss Piggy: Methinks thou doth protest too much.
- Kermit: What?
- Miss Piggy: Shakespeare.
- Kermit: Sounds more like Bacon. From a ham.
- Miss Piggy: How would you like a pork chop? Hi-yah!
- [karate chops Kermit]
- Miss Piggy: You always hurt the one you love.
- Rita Moreno: Kermit I was wondering if we could just forget the cue cards and just ad lib it.
- Kermit the Frog: Ad lib it? Yes I don't mind doing that but there are others who may take offense.
- Rita Moreno: Like who?
- Kermit the Frog: Like the guy who holds the cue cards.
- Sweetums: Nice lady not want Sweetums to hold cue cards?
- Rita Moreno: Uh no.
- Sweetums: Nice lady want Sweetums to hold something else?
- Rita Moreno: Sure you can hold anything you want.
- Sweetums: Great! That best offer Sweetums have all week.
- [Sweetums picks up Rita like a football and walks off with her while Kermit shrieks]
- Kermit the Frog: That's the problem with guests on this show. They seem to get carried away.
- Miss Piggy: But I love him.
- Rowlf: How could you love him? You're a nurse.
- Miss Piggy: That may be true, but I am a woman first.
- Rowlf: No, you're not. You're a pig first. Nurse second. I don't think woman made the top 10.
- Miss Piggy: [as Nurse Piggy] It's too late, Doctor Bob. We've lost him.
- Rowlf: [as Doctor Bob] Well, he couldn't have gone far. He was under the sheet just a second ago.
- Fozzie: Kermit. Kermit. This time I have really got it. I have re-mastered the art of handling hecklers.
- Kermit: Oh, you think so, huh?
- Fozzie: Oh, I know so. I know so.
- Kermit: OK, I tell you what - you tell a joke and I will heckle you.
- Fozzie: Great.
- Kermit: But, Fozzie - I expect a great comeback.
- Fozzie: Right.
- [clears throat]
- Fozzie: Ahh, my cousin's so dumb he thinks Eggs Benedict's a mafia gangster.
- Kermit: I've seen cheeseburgers funnier then that.
- [Fozzie pounds Kermit with a rubber chicken]
- Fozzie: What do you think, huh? Too subtle?