Black Samurai

Fellow fans of bad movies, you're in for a real treat with this Jim Kelly classic!

OK here's the deal: The daughter of an important ambassador (who also apparently happens to live by the samurai code – we're never too sure as we never actually get to see him!) is kidnapped by some decidedly mean looking crooks (headed by a dead ringer for Lee Van Cleef!) who happen to be working for the head of a group of Satanists (got that?)

Step forward agent Roland Sand (Kelly) of D.R.A.G.O.N who is assigned the mission to rescue our beautiful damsel in distress. (What does the agency name stand for? I haven't the foggiest because it's never explained!) Anyway, to cut a long story short (even though there isn't really a story present!) it happens that by a seemingly unlikely coincidence, the seized sexy daughter also happens to be Kelly's girlfriend!!!! Wow, what a small world eh?!

Obviously our man quite rightly wastes no time at all in promptly searching for her but before he can rescue her he must first fight his way through a seeming army of devil worshippers, some Zulu warriors(!!!) a vulture(!!!), a room full of rattle snakes(which are kept securely in their holding cell via a grilled door!!!!!! Eh?!!!!!) and a fair number of demented dwarfs(!!!!!!!) Yes, you might well want to re-read that last sentence to make sure that you weren't seeing things. Believe me, if it sounds bizarre on paper then it's even more bizarre on film!

Chock full of twangy 70's music, groovy fashions, bad acting and some absolutely (unintentionally) hilarious scenes throughout this is a veritable bad movie classic!

Best scene of all for me though was near the end when our hero dukes it out with the head henchman charmingly referred to as Bone. For some odd reason the film suddenly develops an entire overdub wherein our hero taunts his opponent by throwing at him such choice insults as 'Chump', 'Sissy' and 'Faggot' (all spoken way above the normal volume level on the soundtrack) – Needless to say I almost wet myself laughing.

Also be sure to check out the cool and garish opening credits sequence – awesome stuff!

Oh, did I mention the jet pack? – Damn, you NEED to see this film!

Al Adamson had little luck mastering the horror genre and it would appear from this misbegotten, Jim Kelly vehicle that his gleeful ineptitude as a director was at its zenith with 'Black Samurai'. If they haven't benumbed themselves already, bad movie aficionados will find themselves in a terminal state of physical and spiritual paralysis mid-way through a screening of this confounding example of horribly inept and sickeningly opportunistic "cinenema". It's such a shame that the name of Ed Wood gets bandied around as filmdom's most foolhardy auteur, when a myopic, amputee, feral child could have edited 'Black Samurai' with more panache than Adamson; you could gaffer tape a Bolex into the hand of a 30 year old corpse and engender a more profound cinematic statement than 'Black Samurai'. If one had the choice of ramming a frozen stoat repeatedly into both eyes, or watch 'Black Samurai'; find yourself an icy mammal, as I can assure you the latter is infinitely more painful.

It has been a while since I watched Black Belt Jones, but that was the previous Jim Kelly film I had seen and recently the mood took me for some blaxploitation films. Where the previous film had Kelly fighting for his own streets, here we have him as a much in demand secret agent. He plays Robert Sand (Bobby to his mates) who is on holiday playing tennis with some hotties with the phone off the hook whenever his employers come to him for help in breaking a right of black-magic using international drug dealers. Sands of course says no, until he finds the group have kidnapped the daughter of the Japanese Ambassador to the US (Toki) who also happens to be Sand's girlfriend (albeit not one he is particularly faithful to). Sand sets out to rescue her and bring down the gang all at once.

I quite like Blaxploitation films when they work; the best of them manage to be really good and make the most of limited resources, but there can still be good ones that try and have fun while being inherently poor. Unfortunately Black Samurai seems to either not be aware of its own limitations or just seems content to totally ignore them and hope it will all just come together. By this I mean that it doesn't play to its strengths very well but instead plays to an ideal that it can't achieve either financially or in terms of the skills of those involved. There are big moments of this (like the jet-pack scene) but generally the whole film is poor and just seems worse for how far from its own target it falls. The plot is clunky and very little fun at all while the action sequences don't even offer cheesy thrills because they are mostly poorly done. It is a shame because I like Kelly but he looks poor because of how bad the extras are at even things like falling down.

Technically the film shows how little effort went into this. The direction and shot selection is poor but it is the audio that is most shocking. Quality varies between lines within the same scene but more annoying is the ADR/dubbing done after the film. When it at its best it is just out of synch but at its worst lines are dubbed onto people who aren't even speaking at the time – the fight with Bones and Sand is hilarious as a result. And so the film goes – it fills time when it can, point a camera roughly where people are standing when they're doing something and generally fails to be fun, dramatic, exciting or even funny in a cheesy retro way. The cast can't do much. Kelly is not a great presence but he is totally wasted here – uncool, not allowed to impressive physically and just looks uncomfortable for most of it. The supporting cast are weaker – Joi and Chia are cute but never given the chance to be a sexy distraction in the film as they should have been. Meanwhile the main villains stand and pull faces while rubbish henchmen fall over awkwardly.

A poor film then – even by the standards of the genre. It seems to think it can make big things work despite having no talent or resources to achieve it and the end result is poor no matter how you look at it. It says a lot when you consider that the entertainment high-point of the film is a fight with a vulture where Kelly lies on his back doing defensive arm movements while someone waves a stuffed toy in his face, intercut with a white stuntman standing in for Kelly who appears to have had a panicking vulture stapled to his chest – and even this only works because of how unintentionally daft it all looks.

The movie "The Black Samurai" has everything you could ever want in a film: kung-fu, midgets, a mariachi band, a vulture, a jet-pack, a sassy black woman, cool sound effects, a car-chase, and random explosions. PLUS: A gay devil-worshiping badguy, a secret agent organization, a fire-spouting pen, snakes, afros, a scene where the good guy kills tons of badguys with a grenade because he's tired...and with SEX APPEAL! The only thing lacking in this movie is gratuitous gore and nudity! Wow what a feature!

BLACK SAMURAI is your typical low rent American martial arts movie, starring man of the moment Jim Kelly who appeared in a whole slew of cheapjack kung fu flicks in the late 1970s. This one's a typical Al Adamson movie, which is no recommendation: it's cheap, badly edited, disjointed feeling, and very, very silly.

There's barely any plot to speak of, just a long running sequence of fight scenes in which Kelly uses his martial arts abilities to kick various bad guys in the face, over and over again. It becomes repetitive and yet these sluggish fights are the best thing about an otherwise incredibly cheap production.

The acting is wooden, the cinematography poor, and the film as a whole looks incredibly cheap. Felix Silla (Twiki from BUCK ROGERS IN THE 25TH CENTURY) has a role as a miniature hit-man which has to be seen to be believed. Overall, BLACK SAMURAI isn't one of the worst films out there - at least it's unintentionally funny throughout - but it is a real mess.