Drive in Massacre

I find many of the old horror movie titles as part of packaged releases from Brentwood and other companies, twelve titles for $5.99, fifty titles for $20.00, etc. Therefore, many of these films have not been remastered and have lousy sound or picture quality. This is very true for the version I saw of "Drive-in Movie Massacre". I couldn't understand most of what was being said in the opening sequence, and I had to increase the brightness of my television to figure out exactly whom was being shown at the end, and I think I know who it was -- due to the context -- but it wasn't clear.

However, despite its sound and picture problems, this film couldn't have been any better in crisp shape 30 years ago. I was only 4 and 5 in 1976 and recall only one time being sneaked into a drive-in; my understanding of drive-ins, however, is that when things on the screen got boring, people honked their horns. I read that that was why Sam Raimi kept up the pace of "Evil Dead", to prevent horn-honking. I imagine that there was much honking during screenings of this film. The ending is laughably absurd; it MIGHT have worked in 1940, or 1876, and it might scare little four year olds who are still afraid of the bogeyman and have parents who try to keep them well-behaved by using his appearance as a threat, but for teenagers or adults, it's "Oh, Jesus" lame.

This is on top of the film being highly padded, with a minutes-long scene of one character's carnival-gazing and another set in a warehouse that doesn't make a lick of sense. However, I found this film mildly amusing, in a movie-night-with-your-drinking-buddies sort of way. It has touches of camp, sometimes intentional. The manager of the drive-in, filled with angrily-told stories of self-pity, amused me, and I thought that the actor playing "Germy" often hit some spot-on moments, his pathetic 'am-I-a-good-boy?' eagerness to help with the investigation and wounded reaction when finally being pushed too far helping to ground the film.

This is not the worst film of its genre, and I'd watch it again with friends who want to make fun of something while we get drunk.

Granted this isn't a classic movie, but it can be kind of fun if you catch it in the right frame of mind - or if you've been drinking heavily. Basically the title tells all: psycho on the loose at a local drive in movie theatre killing everybody, and even the filmmakers don't know who the killer is. Lame, yes, but how can you miss gems like the title being misspelled in the trailer, (as "Drive in Masacre") The musical score is almost as bad as a record by "Jandek" - if any of you know who he is. An obvious latex dummy is decapitated in the first scene, then we see two Pillsbury Doughboy-looking cops questioning the owner of the drive in (he kind of looks like he's dressed as the devil for Halloween) The audio quality is awful during the first few scenes, so it's difficult to understand what is being said (not that it really matters, though) We get soap opera clichés involving pregnancy in between the first two gory killings, until the two cops go 'undercover' by dressing in drag just like what you saw in "The Town that Dreaded Sundown" trying to catch the killer, but just providing the audience with a few laughs instead. They interrogate a suspect 'Engleson' and the first cop obviously stutters his line while speaking to Engleson ("Do you know what that Engle ... *cough* ... do you know what that is Engleson?") A brief foot chase ensues, but leads nowhere except to an opportunity for the camera man's shadow to be visible on their backs several times here, and in the next scene. This is all good cheese ball fun for about the first 55 minutes or so, but after that, a 'so bad it's good' type of movie just turns terrible as they then try to pad out the short running time by showing that little leprechaun looking guy Germy loitering around the drive in, and then another ten minutes of padding involving the cops chasing an unrelated suspect though a warehouse - and the guy they're chasing looks like the same guy playing "Austin Johnson", only he's wearing a really crappy looking wig. If this sequence, and the lengthy opening credits scene were edited out of the film, the movie's running time would barely be about 55 minutes. This is capped by a twist ending that was probably lame even in an actual drive in, and it's even worse when you see it on video.

If you're looking to kill an hour and ten minutes, you definitely could do worse than this movie, it's better than some here have said.

OK, just finished watching the awful transfer of this film on a $1 DVD. I prepared myself to be shatteringly disappointed by reading the reviews here before I started. And... drum roll please... I didn't think it was nearly as bad as everyone says.

That being said, let's get the really awful aspects out into the open; the music really is pretty uninspired. Think Radio Shack electronic workshop - imagine a 9 year old plugging and unplugging wires and pushing buttons on a flimsy bit of PC board. Got it? OK, bring it down a notch. There are also some awkward transitions in the plot. Consider a story you might tell a child, the kind you make up as you go along. When the child asks why the plot of your story contradicts itself, you just wave off their questions with a shake of your hand and say, "Keep listening!" This movie does that... kind of a lot. And, alas, sometimes the murdered dead look like dummies - and that never happens in any film and it should absolutely not be forgiven under any circumstances... ;) But what about the good? How about some really excellent acting on the part of Douglas Gudbye as "Germy" and his counterpart, Newton Naushaus, "Mr Johnson." Gudbye's skill on the screen made me pause the movie to check his filmography, hoping he had matured into a great success. Saddly, his role here was his first and last. Gudbye puts Dustin Hoffman to shame in acting out the role of a mentally handicapped. Naushaus, also appearing here in his only film role, was the embodiment of the anal-retentive schmuck we all endured at our first summer job. Also good? The sets - always authentic but never in the way.

Bearing in mind that the film was intended for drive-in audiences, the plot, the ending, and the characters all make perfect sense and contribute to what would have been, if seen in the proper environment, a genuinely unnerving film.

I'm sorry for those who really think this is the worst film ever. I'm always on a quest for the Holy Grail of Hokiness, the Ark of Awful... but it won't be found here.

For the type of movie this is, given when it was made, and a total lack of big name stars ( or small name stars for that matter ) this film is very watchable. The players, none of whom are great at their craft, are worth the effort and make the movie. The special effects aren't bad given '76 standards and low budget. The plot is typical and functional. My favorite part of the whole thing? The cops. They actually come off like cops. Coupled with the premise its like Dragnet does Freddie Kruger. I liked this film. Of course I liked Dragnet and Nightmare on Elm Street too. Its certainly not great art, but thats not what this type of film is meant to be. Its meant to be cheap entertainment, and thats exactly what it is.

Drive-In Massacre (1976)

** 1/2 (out of 4)

Low budget horror film about a maniac cutting people's heads off with a ninja sword at a California drive-in. This certainly isn't a "good" film but it works very well for its type—a B budget drive-in flick of the 70's. There's plenty of violence and gore, including a rather well done decapitation and some wonderful, zany dialogue. The biggest problem is that the film runs a tad bit slow even at 74-minutes. The nice twist ending and warning was also a nice touch. This certainly isn't going to be remembered as anything great but if you like "B" trash then you might enjoy this one.