Katherine Helmond credited as playing...
Jessica Tate
- Jodie Dallas: Plato was gay.
- Jessica Gatling Tate: Mickey Mouse's dog was gay?
- Jodie Dallas: Goofy was his lover.
- Jessica Gatling Tate: Billy go get mother... something...
- Billy Tate: Why can't anybody in this family talk in front of me? For years I went around thinking a surprise party was being planned for me!
- [repeated lines]
- Benson: [Doorbell rings] You want me to get that?
- Jessica Gatling Tate: If you don't mind.
- Announcer: This is the story of two sisters. Jessica Tate and Mary Campbell. These are the Tates, and these are the Campbells, and this is Soap.
- Jessica Gatling Tate, Mary Gatling Dallas Campbell: [after Burt and Chester start a physical altercation] Hey! Stop!
- [soon the whole family tries to stop Burt and Chester from fighting]
- [Jessica and Mary thumbing through a photo album]
- Jessica Gatling Tate: Look, Mary.
- Mary Gatling Dallas Campbell: Randolph.
- Jessica Gatling Tate: That's right. Our brother. Our brother who fathered an illegitimate child with a Swedish maid and then disappeared into the wilds of Ecuador. Don't you find that a little peculiar?
- Mary Gatling Dallas Campbell: Jessie, Randolph was peculiar. Any man who would go to Ecuador to sell wall-to-wall carpet is not all there.
- [Jessica telling off the devil]
- Jessica Gatling Tate: I hope you realise I'm holding you personally responsible for any and all damages done to these premises! (To chester) Except of course for the spoon that got caught in the garbage disposal. I don't think I can blame him for that.