Code Name: Diamond Head

I just watched it on MST3K on the MST3K channel. I missed it when it was first on because I didn't have cable. But I digress. It wasn't that incoherent. It just wasn't that good. But seeing it on MST3K really is the only way to see it. I loved it when it was on, except not so much when it was on SyFy. Anyway, another reviewer said he didn't recognize anyone other than IM. Really? Then you didn't grow up in the '70's, my friend. Because I recognized Alex Hentiloff. He played a lawyer on Barney Miller. And Roy Thinnes, the star. France Nguyen. I know her from St. Elsewhere. And Dennis Patrick. A very recognizable villain.

To appreciate just how bad "Code Name Diamond Head" is, you have to compare it to one of the early Bond Films, with Sean Connery, such as my favorite "From Russia with Love."

Bond: suave and sophisticated, droll sense of humor, dressed in an elegant dinner jacket.

The secret agent in this film? Bland and dull, dressed in too-tight pastel polyester, and about as funny as a roll of wet toilet paper.

And this is NOT one of my favorite MST 3K episodes. To get into that category, the movie has to be bad but fun to watch. This movie is BORING.

Quinn Martin was a noted TV producer who created shows such as "The Untouchables" and "Barnaby Jones". But in 1977, he aired a major stinker: "Code Name: Diamond Head". The plot (or whatever you call it) is a convoluted mess about someone trying to stop the theft of a deadly gas. No surprise that this failed pilot provided fodder for "Mystery Science Theater 3000", with Mike, Servo and Crow having lots of fun at the movie's expense. That's the only way to watch the movie and enjoy it. The only cast member whom I recognized was Ian McShane, who's probably spent the years since trying to forget that he participated in this.

Is it the worst movie ever made? Dunno. I just know that you'll enjoy the movie if you watch MST3K's presentation. Either that or you could go to Hawaii to experience what the Aloha State really has to offer.

TV pilots, don't you love them? Quinn Martin tried this one out after being successful in a bunch of other TV detective movies, but this one goes nowhere except in the realm of MST where it belongs. Roy Thinnes is Diamond Head who takes orders from Aunt Mary to find super spy Lovejoy, I mean Tree. Zulu and Tso-Tsing are there for ethnic comic relief and not much else. Tree sucks as a bad guy despite all his disguises that makes him look exactly the same as he normally does. There's more unnatural clothing fiber here than you can ever imagine (required in the 1970's)and the show itself is so anti-climatic. Why did it not go to series? You figure it out, it's quite blatant. Again it's fun for MST, but not a lot else!!

Think of this pilot as "Hawaii Five-O Lite". It's set in Hawaii, it's an action/adventure crime drama, lots of scenes feature boats and palm trees and polyester fabrics and garish shirts...it even stars the character actor "Zulu" in a supporting role. Oh, there are some minor differences - Roy Thinnes is supposed to be some front-line undercover agent, and the supporting cast is much smaller (and less interesting), but basically the atmosphere is still the same. Problem is, "Hawaii Five-O" (another QM product) already existed at the time and had run for years. It filled the market demand for Hawaii-based crime dramas quite adequately. Code Name: Diamond Head may have been intended as the heir to H50 as the older series eventually dwindled away...but it comes across as a superfluous, 2nd rate copy. It doesn't suck, but it's completely derivative and doesn't do anything as well as the original.

There is some decent acting talent involved here. Thinnes is an old pro, and he gives the role his best shot, and he isn't bad. But Thinnes is only as good as his material and his director. Ian McShane is in here as an evil spy master named "Tree", and McShane tends to be the most interesting actor in any scene he appears in. But he's phoning his part in here. Frances Ngyuen is reasonably exotic looking, but her astounding skinniness, opaque features, thick accent and wooden delivery aren't the stuff of which dreams are made. Relying on her to supply the 'romantic interest' for Thinnes was probably the series' biggest mistake. At least for for a series aimed at white audiences brought up with Marsha Brady and Peggy Lee as our love goddesses. Give her another 30 lbs and a year with a dialog/voice coach, and she might cut it. Zulu is, well, his usual self - enjoyable in bit parts, but he isn't a person who can carry a feature by himself.

In addition, the plot and dialog are strictly by-the-numbers, with nothing to distinguish them from any other Quinn Martin production. And by this point, the American TV audience had seen a whoooole lot of QM productions....I think "CN: DH" was one too many, and it sank without a trace. It wasn't the really the actors' fault, and I hope they walked away from this with a decent paycheck and one more entry on their C.V.s.

MST3000 revived this for their treatment in their sixth season, and they had a lot of good natured fun with it. Worth seeking out in that version if you enjoy the MST approach to movie japery and lampoon, but I can't imagine anyone caring about this pilot for any other reason.