William Katt: Elgin Smith

First Love

Elgin Smith

Elgin Smith: I want to tell you something. That was the first time...
Caroline Hedges: First time? The first time? What do you mean?
Elgin Smith: No.
Caroline Hedges: What else do you mean?
Elgin Smith: That was the first time that - its ever felt right. You know, like it should feel when you make love to somebody.

Elgin Smith: Do you cum? Do you have orgasms?
Caroline Hedges: You don't mean orgasms do you? What do you think I've been doing?
Elgin Smith: When?
Caroline Hedges: When? Elgin, I was cumming all over the place.
Elgin Smith: When exactly?
Caroline Hedges: How could you miss it?
Elgin Smith: Be more specific.
Caroline Hedges: Where were you? I could hardly breathe. And by body was having convulsions.
Elgin Smith: Oh, that was it, huh.
Caroline Hedges: Yeah, that was it. I'm sorry. Next time I'll send up flares.

Elgin Smith: All I ever hear about or read about in the world is female orgasms and I've never seen one. I just wanted to know for sure.
Caroline Hedges: Well, now you've seen many. You can be sure.
Elgin Smith: It's just that with a guy, you know, there's an obvious progression of events, you know. First...
Caroline Hedges: You're hard.
Elgin Smith: Yeah. And then, you know...
Caroline Hedges: White, sticky stuff.
Elgin Smith: Yeah, and then, you know...
Caroline Hedges: Then you're soft and no good to me anymore.

Shelley: Have you ever tried any positions from the Kama Sutra?
Elgin Smith: I doubt it.
Shelley: I'll tell you about Krishna and Rahda.
Elgin Smith: Okay.
Shelley: Krishna was the god of all the heavens and Radha was this young Indian maiden he wanted to make love to; but, because he was a god and she was just a maiden he couldn't do it. So, he invented a position, called the defying position.
Elgin Smith: The defying position.
Shelley: The defying position. Um, you hold my leg up like that and hold it like this.
Elgin Smith: You've got to be kidding.
Shelley: No! It's great. You'll love it. I - I think. Wait. Hold on. Oh! Oh! Now, see. But, wait. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh! Oo, that feels good.
Elgin Smith: Shelley, you won't believe this; but, there is an easier way.

[first lines]
[a faceless leg, belonging to Elgin Smith, is kicking around a soccer ball by himself]
Elgin Smith: [breathless voice over] Inside. All right. Make it good, let's do that again. OK coach, why aren't you watching now. Watch out, Pele. Let's top that ball - top it. Yeah. Let's do it again. All right. Smith, the mighty foot, moves downfield with amazing agility. Intense concentration. Ah, you've been reading too much, Ben. Oh!

[last lines]
[Elgin is at the zoo by himself looking at the camel in the pen as it snows lightly and as a zoo worker passes by]
Zookeeper: Sure get your money's worth.
Elgin Smith: Oh, yeah. I guess I am. Do you happen to know where Bactria is?
Zookeeper: Asia, I think.
Elgin Smith: Asia.
Zookeeper: Uh-huh.
Elgin Smith: Does it snow there?
Zookeeper: Maybe. Sure snows here.
Elgin Smith: Yeah.
Zookeeper: [about the camels in the snow] They seem to adapt.
Elgin Smith: Yeah, I guess they do.

Shelley: Some women are so jealous. I'm not. Are you?
Elgin Smith: Well, I don't think I'd like it if my girlfriend was messing around, no.
Shelley: That's *sweet*. That's old fashioned. I like that in a man.

Elgin Smith: Would you like to go for a drink or something? I don't have any dope.
Shelley: I bet I could find your room. Once I've been someplace once, I'm just like a homing pigeon.
Elgin Smith: My room?
Shelley: Yeah. Third floor.
[in a fake French accent]
Shelley: Ze zecond one ze left.

Shelley: You want to make love?
Elgin Smith: Just like that? Have you been reading a lot of Cosmopolitan or something?
Shelley: You may not believe this, but, I've never said that to a guy before. But, you're kind of different. I feel sort of - maternal. Oh, it's not in a bad way. It's in a sexy way.

Elgin Smith: Do you have any dope?
David Bonner: No. You should have felt bad yesterday. I had a whole lot of it. It's gone. I've got some sleeping pills.
Elgin Smith: I don't want to go to sleep, David. I just want to go numb.

Elgin Smith: Did you cum with him? Did you?
Caroline Hedges: I don't remember.
Elgin Smith: He's real experienced.
Caroline Hedges: He's very experienced. Elgin, do you have *any* idea how much this is turning me off?

Elgin Smith: Sit down. Have a seat. I sound like a receptionist. Have a seat. The doctor will be right with you.
Shelley: Oh, Doc, it's an emergency. I have a broken life. Maybe we should x-ray it.

David Bonner: Look, Elg, you can't take the woman thing too seriously. You got to remember that.
Elgin Smith: More from David Bonner and the great ideas of Western Man series.