Paul Linke: Collins Hedgeworth

Grand Theft Auto

Collins Hedgeworth

Collins Hedgeworth: [runs into a used car lot] SIR! My fiancee's been abducted! I was in pursuit of her captor who's en route to Las Vegas! I had a minor accident and I'm in dire need of transportation!
Car Salesman: Well, we can...
Collins Hedgeworth: [notices a Dodge Charger nearby] Ah! That'll do fine!
Car Salesman: Well, you got a fine eye there, boy.
[Collins runs over to the car and gets in]
Car Salesman: She's a runner, too!
Collins Hedgeworth: [hands the salesman an IOU] Bill my father!
Car Salesman: Well, partner, I don't know if we can let you have the car on that kind of a deal.
Collins Hedgeworth: I'm Collins Hedgeworth! My father is Montgomery Hedgeworth! My grandfather is Elwood Hedgeworth! Collectively, my family is worth ninety-seven million dollars!
Car Salesman: Well, I don't know. I'm gonna have to check with the manager on this.
[Collins groans angrily and reverses the car through the showroom's glass window as the salesman turns around]
Car Salesman: Hey!
[Collins drives the car out of the showroom by crashing through another window and roars off]
Car Salesman: Hey, boy, that's aggravated grand theft!

Collins Hedgeworth: [the preacherman tackles Collins, whose truck has turned over] Let me go! I gotta stop my fiancee!
Preacher: It is God's will I caught you and God's will that I collect!
Collins Hedgeworth: All right. Help me stop my fiancee and you'll get it all... fifty thousand dollars!
Preacher: [gets out a bible from his coat pocket] Swear on the bible!
Collins Hedgeworth: [slaps his hand on the bible] I swear!
Preacher: Amen! Come on, let's go, boy! We'll build us a whole tabernacle!
[they both run towards the police car]

Vivian Hedgeworth: Darling, don't fret about her. She is socially inferior. The whole family is a rather trashy lot!
Bigby Powers: Mrs. Hedgeworth, my daughter isn't socially inferior to anyone.
Vivian Hedgeworth: You, sir, are an uncouth ass!
Bigby Powers: Well, lady, your ass isn't exactly perfect, either!
Collins Hedgeworth: [fuming] Sir, you just insulted my mother!
[shoves Bigby]
Bigby Powers: [shoves back] Your mother asked for it!
[Collins begins making nonsensical karate moves and exhaling, but Bigby simply punches Collins in the mouth and he falls down]
Vivian Hedgeworth: YOU SADISTIC BRUTE!
Bigby Powers: I'm glad Paula didn't marry him! He's a flake!
[walks away as a pained Collins begins flailing around uncontrollably]

Collins Hedgeworth: Sir, I'd like to borrow your truck, It's an emergency! Well, if you don't want to sell it, I'll rent it. I'M DESPERATE!
Farmer: So am I, feller!
[He pushes Collins aside to enter the gas station's restroom]

Paula Powers: [noticing Collins driving alongside her and signaling her to put her window down] Oh, God!
Sam Freeman: What's the matter?
Paula Powers: It's Collins Hedgeworth.
Sam Freeman: He looks a little frazzled. You want me to talk to him?
Paula Powers: I will.
[rolls down her window]
Paula Powers: Collins, I don't need your help!
Collins Hedgeworth: [holds up his riding crop] I'm here to save you!
Paula Powers: I'm sorry if you misunderstood, but we're not engaged! We never were engaged!
Collins Hedgeworth: Has he got a gun on you?
Paula Powers: No! Please leave us alone!
Collins Hedgeworth: Is there a bomb in the car?
Sam Freeman: [Paula rolls her eyes and closes the window. Collins frantically bangs on the window with the riding crop as Sam crawls into the back seat and puts down the window] Look, it's obvious she doesn't want to talk to you, so why don't you just drop it?
Collins Hedgeworth: I hesitate to do this with Paula in the car, but I am a superior driver and I'll batter you into submission if need be! I will bump you off this highway!