John Denver credited as playing...
Jerry Landers
- Jerry Landers: How can you permit all the *suffering* that goes on the world?
- God: Ah, how can *I* permit the suffering?
- Jerry Landers: Yeah!
- God: I don't permit the suffering. You do! Free will. All the choices are yours.
- Jerry Landers: Choices? What choices?
- God: You can love each other, cherish and nurture each other, or you can kill each other. Incidentally, "kill" is the word. It's not "waste." If I meant "waste", I would have written "Thou shalt not waste." You're doing some very funny things with words, here. You're also turning the sky into mud. I look down, I can't believe the filth. Using the rivers for toilets, poisoning My fishes. You want a miracle? *You* make a fish from scratch. You can't. You think only God can make a tree? Try coming up with a mackerel. And when the last one is gone, that'll be that. Eighty-six on the fishes, goodbye sky, so long world, over and out.
- Jerry Landers: You don't control our lives?
- God: I gave you a world and everything in it. It's all up to you.
- [last lines]
- Jerry Landers: Uh, sometimes, uh, now and then, couldn't we just talk?
- God: I'll tell you what. You talk, I'll listen.
- Jerry Landers: [God is riding with Jerry in Jerry's car] Now, see, you know a lot of things and you've been making a lot of things happen, but none of it seems...
- God: God-like?
- Jerry Landers: Yeah, God-like.
- God: And what to you would be God-like?
- Jerry Landers: Uh... change the weather.
- God: Ah, special effects, huh? What would you like? A little earthquake? A small hurricane?
- Jerry Landers: No, no. I wouldn't want anybody hurt. I was just thinking maybe, uh... What about a little rain?
- God: A little rain?
- Jerry Landers: Yeah, a small shower.
- God: One small shower. You got it.
- [rain begins falling]
- Jerry Landers: Hey! Hey, it's rainin'! You made it rain! You didn't even bat an eye! You didn't have to lift a finger!
- God: Rain's not that hard.
- Jerry Landers: It's unbelievable!
- God: Would you like it to rain a little harder?
- Jerry Landers: No, no. This is fine.
- God: How about bigger drops?
- Jerry Landers: No! This is fine! Fine!
- God: Would you care for a little snow?
- Jerry Landers: I don't believe it. Hey! Hey! It's not raining outside. It's just in here!
- God: Why should I spoil everybody's day?
- Jerry Landers: This is fantastic!
- God: Thank you.
- Jerry Landers: It's just like Noah's Ark!
- God: Same thing. Without the smell.
- Jerry Landers: But when you said... when you said everything would work out, uh, I thought you could tell the future.
- God: Absolutely, I could tell the future, the minute it becomes the past. I said, everything could work out, if that's everybody's choice. People have to decide on their own what's to be done with the world. I can't make a personal decision for everybody.
- God: [Jerry looks a little downcast] Why the face? So far, so good. We hit the papers, a little TV, we're in business.
- Jerry Landers: You know, I'm liable to lose my job.
- God: Lose a job, save a world. Not a bad deal.
- Jerry Landers: Everybody thinks I'm a nut.
- God: Galileo. Pasteur. Einstein. Columbus. You're in good company. Hold on.
- Jerry Landers: Why me?
- God: Why not you?
- Jerry Landers: You mean there's no special...
- God: Life is a crap shoot, like the millionth customer that crosses the bridge gets to shake hands with the governor. You thought I picked you because you're better than everyone?
- Jerry Landers: I'm not?
- God: You're better than some but not as good as others, but you crossed the bridge at the right time.
- Jerry Landers: You're here? In my bathroom?
- God: Come take a look.
- Jerry Landers: I can't. I'm naked.
- God: You think I don't know what you got?
- Jerry Landers: Is it going to get any worse?
- God: How should you know?
- Jerry Landers: What do you mean, how should you know?
- God: How could I know?
- Jerry Landers: Why, you know everything!
- God: I only know what is. Also, I'm very big on what was. Now, what isn't yet? I haven't got a clue.
- God: Man and women, persons, their existence means exactly and precisely, not more, not one tiny bit less, just what they think it means and what I think doesn't count at all.
- Jerry Landers: That's very profound.
- God: Sometimes I get lucky.
- God: Well, I better be going.
- Jerry Landers: Aren't you coming back?
- God: No.
- Jerry Landers: Ever?
- God: Whatever comes. We'll see.
- God: Jerry? Do you want Me to talk louder?
- Jerry Landers: Oh, God!
- God: I thought you didn't believe in Me?
- Jerry Landers: That's just an expression.
- God: I'm more than that.
- Bobbie Landers: All right, let's say for a minute that you saw God.
- Jerry Landers: Look, don't humor me. Or that'll really make me crazy.
- Bobbie Landers: Okay! Okay, you saw Him! But, why is He talking to you?
- Jerry Landers: Well, why not me?
- Bobbie Landers: Well, why not the Pope or Billy Graham or somebody way up there?
- Jerry Landers: Because He doesn't care about religion!
- Bobbie Landers: God doesn't care about religion, right?
- Jerry Landers: Well, that's what He said!
- Bobbie Landers: Well, He sure picked a funny business to go into, didn't He?
- Jerry Landers: People are always praying to You. Do You listen?
- God: I can't help hearing. I don't always listen.
- Jerry Landers: So then You don't care.
- God: Of course I care! But what can I do?
- Jerry Landers: What can You do? You're God!
- God: Only for the big picture. I don't get into details.
- Jerry Landers: Whatever happens to us...
- God: Happens!
- Jerry Landers: There's no plan? No scheme - to guide our destinies? A lot of it is luck.
- God: A lot of it is luck.
- Jerry Landers: Luck! Just luck?
- Jerry Landers: You don't care!
- God: I do care.
- Jerry Landers: But, then, do something about it!
- God: I did. I got you to carry the ball.
- Jerry Landers: [looks down] I got no ball!
- God: What was that last question?
- Jerry Landers: Ah? "Will there - "
- God: "Will there be a Judgement Day for man?" Well, if they mean a Doomsday, an end of the world thing, I'm certainly not going to get into that! But if you want My personal opinion, I wouldn't look forward to it. There'll be a lot of yelling and screaming and I don't need that any more than you do.