Maggie Smith credited as playing...
Diana Barrie
- Diana Barrie: [after he kisses her] Don't close your eyes, Sidney.
- Sidney Cochran: I always close my eyes.
- Diana Barrie: Not tonight. Look at me tonight. Let it be me tonight.
- Diana Barrie: You can stop pretending to be asleep, Sidney. It's over.
- Sidney Cochran: [removes his headphones] I was listening to Beethoven's Ninth. Somewhere on this plane there's a wonderful orchestra.
- Diana Barrie: God damn him! God damn you. God damn Oscars. God damn California! God damn everything.
- Sidney Cochran: What is it about this climate that brings out the religion in you?
- Diana Barrie: What's that green slime you're eating? It looks like a dish out of Oliver Twist.
- Sidney Cochran: I'm not sure... I think they run the front lawn through a blender.
- [getting ready for Oscar ceremony]
- Diana Barrie: Will you please be nice to me and pay me one bloody compliment. I've been getting ready for this horseshit affair for *three hours!*
- Sidney Cochran: I am going to bed. We have a 10 a.m. plane to catch in the morning.
- Diana Barrie: 10 a.m. is the morning. That is redundant, you A.H.
- Sidney Cochran: Oh, do you think I don't know what you're saying? I *can* spell, you know.
- Diana Barrie: Not without moving your lips, you can't.
- Diana Barrie: [angrily] I'm not asking you - I'm threatening you, you crud!
- Sidney Cochran: Now I'm definitely not going to tell you.
- Diana Barrie: [sincerely] I'm sorry - I take it back Sidney, you're not a crud!
- Sidney Cochran: Am I still an asshole?
- Diana Barrie: Definitely!
- Diana Barrie: If there's one thing i can't stand it's a bi-sexual homosexual. Or is it the other way 'round?
- Sidney Cochran: It works either way.
- Diana Barrie: How many gin-and-tonics have you had?
- Sidney Cochran: Three gins, one tonic.
- Diana Barrie: [admonishingly] Catch up on the tonics. We don't want to be disgusting tonight, do we?
- Sidney Cochran: [shouting] I am not an asshole!
- Diana Barrie: I've just thrown up on some of the biggest people in Hollywood. Now is no time to be sensitive.
- Passenger: I hope you win the Oscar!
- Diana Barrie: [privately to Sidney] It's bizarre. Eight years with the national theatre, two Pinter plays, nine Shakespeare, three Shaw, and I finally get nominated for a nauseating little comedy.
- Sidney Cochran: That's why they call it Hollywood.
- Diana Barrie: What's wrong with my hair? I look like I've combed it with a towel.
- Sidney Cochran: When you played Elizabeth, you looked like a warthog and you never complained once.
- Diana Barrie: That was acting. This is living. Living - I want to be beautiful.
- Diana Barrie: Oh, Christ, I hate getting dressed like this. Why is it I'm always perfectly comfortable as somebody else. I'd be perfectly happy going as Hedda Gabler.
- Sidney Cochran: Try Quasimodo.
- Diana Barrie: Try shutting up!
- Diana Barrie: Now, check me out. Do I have too much jewelry on?
- Sidney Cochran: Jingle it. I can't tell if I don't hear it.
- Diana Barrie: Give me a drink. You have the most bizarre sense of humor.
- Sidney Cochran: Bizarre people often do!
- [pours Diana a drink]
- Diana Barrie: Give me a bit more. It's alright. I won't get pissed till after I lose.
- Sidney Cochran: Where are you going?
- Diana Barrie: I need another drink. The last one wore off in the lift.
- Diana Barrie: You should have never given it up, Sidney.
- Sidney Cochran: What?
- Diana Barrie: Acting! Christ, you were good. You had more promise than anyone.
- Sidney Cochran: Really? I can't think what it was I promised.
- Diana Barrie: You were so gentle on stage. So unselfish. So giving. You had a sweet, gentle quality.
- Sidney Cochran: Yes. I would have made a wonderful Ophelia.
- Diana Barrie: You could go back, Sidney, if you wanted to. We could do plays together. Have more time together.
- Sidney Cochran: No, there'd be problems. It would be awful if we were both up for the same part.