Kris Kristofferson credited as playing...
Martin 'Rubber Duck' Penwald
- Melissa: Why do they call you the Duck?
- Rubber Duck: Because it rhymes with "luck." See, my daddy always told me to be just like a duck. Stay smooth on the surface and paddle like the devil underneath!
- Sheriff Lyle Wallace aka Cottonmouth: You oughta be shot right where you're standing! So help me if I had a gun, I'd do it myself!
- Rubber Duck: That badge would make it alright, wouldn't it?
- Sheriff Lyle Wallace aka Cottonmouth: [On the CB] Breaker one-nine, breaker one-nine. This is the bear in the air, officer Lyle Wallace calling Rubber Jerk in that rattlin' piece of black crap at your side door. Come on!
- Rubber Duck: Please don't be using that kind of language on the air, Lyle. Especially don't be using it regarding my beautiful black truck. Over.
- Sheriff Lyle Wallace aka Cottonmouth: That thing you call a truck is the worst pile of garbage I ever had the misfortune of writing a citation on.
- Melissa: But they're all following you.
- Rubber Duck: [looks at Melissa then road] No, they ain't. I'm just in front of them.
- Rubber Duck: Here's the plan: When we get to the pass, we're gonna put on our fish costumes, pass out the Vaseline® an' an extra ration o' rum for the men. That should do it.
- Reverend Sloane: [On the CB] That's a big 10-4. You got the Reverend Joshua Duncan Sloane, Church of the Wayfaring Stranger here. I don't read nothin' in scripture that says thou shall not put the pedal to the metal.
- Rubber Duck: Welcome aboard there, Reverend. We could sure use some spiritual help here. Think you can handle it?
- Reverend Sloane: Oh, it's a pleasure, our pleasure. We're just tryin' to do a good job, Brother Rubber.
- Rubber Duck: [to Melissa] Brother Rubber? What is that guy's name? He ain't no Reverend.
- Rubber Duck: [to Lyle Wallace on the CB after he has crashed his car] Hey, until you get a little better control over that machinery, I'd suggest you lay off them acrobatics.
- Melissa: Well I think I've had just about enough of this, thank you very much. I'll think I'll take my things and GET OUT. If you'll pull over to the side, I'm sure I can hitch a ride very easily... Weren't you listening to me? I said I'm ready to get out!
- Rubber Duck: You want out? We're being chased. You want out? Jump.
- Melissa: You want to add the Mann Act to your collection?
- Rubber Duck: Mann Act's for 18 year olds, not someone who's seen the better side of thirty!
- Rubber Duck: [On meeting Lyle Wallace] Jesus Christ.
- Sheriff Lyle Wallace aka Cottonmouth: Hello, R.D.
- Rubber Duck: Boys, this is the Papa Bear.
- Rubber Duck: How much is it, Lyle?
- Sheriff Lyle Wallace aka Cottonmouth: Fifty. Each.
- Bobby 'Love Machine' 'Pig Pen': You rob me, bastard.
- Sheriff Lyle Wallace aka Cottonmouth: Sixty.
- Rubber Duck: Hey, take it easy, this ain't an auction, man.
- Chuck Arnoldi: We'd like to know, is this convoy some sort of protest demonstration? And if it is, what's its purpose?
- Rubber Duck: Purpose of a convoy is to keep movin'.
- Sheriff Lyle Wallace aka Cottonmouth: I am the law. Don't you understand, I represent the law.
- Rubber Duck: Well piss on ya, and piss on your law.
- Widow Woman: Oh, Melissa, this is the Duck. She needs a ride.
- Rubber Duck: What happened to the XKE?
- Melissa: I sold it.
- Violet: How do you two know each other?
- Melissa: This is the guy I told you about. The one that told the cop that I was nude driving.
- Violet: Oh, I should have known.
- Bobby 'Love Machine' 'Pig Pen': My handle's Love Machine. You know why they call me Love Machine? Quadraphonic sound, colour TV, I got a big bar sitting right behind me. Now, get this, a warm-water water bed. All the creature comforts, friend.'
- Rubber Duck: Hey, Love Machine, you ain't hauling Go-Go Girls, are you?
- Violet: Come on, honey, I got a little birthday surprise for you.
- Rubber Duck: I bet you do.
- [to Melissa]
- Rubber Duck: Don't you leave without me.
- [walks off with Violet, squeezing her behind]
- Rubber Duck: You ain't mad at me, are you?
- Violet: Me mad at you?
- Chuck Arnoldi: Breaker 1-9. Breaker 1-9 to the Rubber Duck. This is Chuck Arnoldi. Can I talk to you again, please?
- Rubber Duck: Uh, this is the Duck, Chuck.