Barbara Eden credited as playing...
Stella Johnson
- Flora Simpson Reilly: Young lady, will you make another bowl of punch?
- Stella Johnson: [disguised as a waitress, in a black wig and a deep southern accent] Oh, yes ma'am. Right away, ma'am.
- Stella Johnson: [smirks]
- Dee Johnson: [looking at her reflection, in the mirror, just after Alice Finely's completed her make-over; she looks beautiful] Is that me?
- Alice Finely: Well, it ain't Dracula's daughter, baby!
- Dee Johnson: Mama, is that really me?
- Stella Johnson: [weeping tears of joy & happiness, of her daughter's new ideal look] It always was you, honey! It always was you!
- Alice Finely: [Just as Stella came up with a scheme to Kirby Baker, after he raised her house mortgage and tax extremely high, trying to force Stella out of Harper Valley] Where are you going?
- Stella Johnson: I'm off to get me something Chinese. And I don't mean Chop Suey!
- Alice Finely: [to Stella, pointing to the back seat of her car before they go out to deal with Otis Harper, Junior] We've got a passenger.
- Dee Johnson: I thought you could use some help.
- Stella Johnson: You know?
- Dee Johnson: I kind of figured it out.
- Stella Johnson: [giving up] Well, welcome aboard the Harper Valley steamroller!
- Stella Johnson: [to Dee about her maturing appearance] When God gives you that kind of equipment, you've just gotta relax and appreciate it.
- [as Alice Finley and Stella Johnson wait to trap Miss. Olive Glover, at Seattle Slew's horse stable and they smell the strong horse dung odor]
- Alice Finely: It ain't exactly Chanel Number 5 around here, you know?
- Stella Johnson: You said it!
- Stella Johnson: [before the PTA Board and attending parents] You wrote me a letter I'd like to reply to in public. You say I'm not fit to live in this fine American town... that I don't come up to your standards of whatever you consider decent. Well...
- [she throws her purse down on her seat and turns to face the audience]
- Stella Johnson: I am here to call a few kettles black!
- Stella Johnson: [to Mrs. Taylor, about her husband Bobby's lecherous advances] If I were you, Holly, I'd have taken this man in and had him neutered!
- Stella Johnson: [at the end of her exposure of the PTA Board] Aw, let's face it! this here's just a little Peyton Place and you're all a bunch of Harper Valley hypocrites!
- [she storms out, followed by her daughter]
- Stella Johnson: [Alice has just fixed her an "Alice Special"] That tastes like raw eggs and Kool-Ade!
- Alice Finely: It is! With a shot of bourbon.
- Stella Johnson: Damn, damn, damn!
- Alice Finely: That bad, eh?
- [as Alice Finely read the letter, Stella Johnson lowered her head and quietly wept, of the threat of her daughter, Dee Johnson, possibly being expelled from the Harper Valley Junior High School]