Dyan Cannon: Simone Legree

Revenge of the Pink Panther

Simone Legree

[Philippe Douvier just set up a trap for Chief Inspector Jacques Clouseau and invited him to it with a phone call]
Simone Le Gree: That's so obvious, he's bound to think it's a trap...
Philippe Douvier: Yes, or it's so obvious that he's bound to think it can't be a trap.
Cato: It's so obvious, it's bound to be a trap.
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: That is why you'll never be a great detective, Cato. It's so obvious that it could not possibly be a trap.

Simone Legree: [palm reading Scallini's hand] You see this. You see this. I can tell by you're heart line that you're a very passionate man. Do you see how long this is?
Julio Scallini: Keep watching: it's gonna get longer.

Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: [after Dreyfus faints when seeing Clouseau] Now I know why this place looks so familiar.
Simone Legree: Why?
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Chief Inspector Dreyfus lives here.

Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Who were those two men have tried to kill you last night?
Simone Legree: Killers.

Julio Scallini: That's a nice hand.
Simone Legree: Oh, thank you. That's only the right one.
Julio Scallini: You type, too.
Simone Legree: A hundred words a minute.
Julio Scallini: I may faint.
Simone Legree: [laughing] Mr. Douvier has asked me to apolgize. He's going to be a little late. If you'd like, I'd be happy to keep you company until he arrives.
Julio Scallini: If I like? Does my mother cook spaghetti?

Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: You keep talking about this Douvier.
Simone Legree: Mm-hmm.
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: But Philippe, who is... who is-who is Philippe?
Simone Legree: Philippe Douvier.
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: His son?
Simone Legree: Whose son?
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Douvier.
Simone Legree: He has no son.
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: His brother, then?
Simone Legree: His brother's name is Fred.
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Then it has to be his father.
Simone Legree: His father's dead.
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Ah! Now we're getting somewhere. Then who killed him?
Simone Legree: No one. He died of natural causes.
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Then who is this Philippe?

Simone Legree: What made you decide to become a detective?
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Well, it's not something one decides every day of the week, you know. But in my case, it began when my great-aunt was kidnapped and held for ransom by an unlicensed Armenian phrenologist.

Simone Legree: It's not gonna do you much good if you don't take your pants off.
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: What?
Simone Legree: You gotta take your pants off.

Simone Legree: How many people do you think know that Douvier, the millionaire businessman, is also Douvier, the French Connection? How many?
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Well, I suppose his mother, for one.

Simone Legree: But if you're not dead, who's dead?
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: A wandering transvestite took my car and stole my clothes at gunpoint. I have been working under the covers tracking the killer.

Dr. Auguste Balls: Now, how can I serve you?
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Well, I...
Dr. Auguste Balls: Through wind and mud, snow and hail, whether long or short, dark or pale, remember that when duty calls, you've got Balls.
Simone Legree: I gotta sit down.

Simone Legree: Not me. Not me. I am not going to Hong Kong. Are you kidding me? Douvier would shoot me on sight.
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Not if he doesn't recognize you and he won't.
Simone Legree: Why not?
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: We will leave that up to the great Balls.
Simone Legree: The great - balls?

Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Have you ever had your bumps read?
Simone Legree: I don't think so.
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: I would guess that your bumps would make excellent reading. Would you mind if I read your bumps someday?