Bernadette Peters: Marie

The Jerk

Marie

Navin R. Johnson: Why are you crying? And why are you wearing that old dress?
Marie: Because I just heard a song on the radio that reminded me of the way we were.
Navin R. Johnson: What was it?
Marie: "The Way We Were."

[Marie, back at Navin's trailer...]
Navin R. Johnson: Can I ask you a personal question?
Marie: What is it?
Navin R. Johnson: Now be totally honest: you do have a boyfriend, don't you?
Marie: Kind of...
Navin R. Johnson: I know this is our first date but... do you think, the next time you make love to your boyfriend, you could think of me?
Marie: Well, I haven't made love to him yet.
Navin R. Johnson: That's too bad... Do you think it's possible that someday, you could make love with me and think of him?
Marie: Who knows, maybe you and he could make love and you could think of me.
Navin R. Johnson: I'd just be happy to be in there somewhere.

Navin R. Johnson: Are you a model?
Marie: No. I'm a cosmetologist.
Navin R. Johnson: Really? A cosmetologist? That's unbelievable. That's impressive. Must be tough handling the weightlessness.

Navin R. Johnson: [On a beach at night. Marvin is playing the ukulele, him and Marie are singing] I know, I know, You belong to someone new, But tonight, you belong to me. Although, although, We're apart, you're part of my heart, And tonight, you belong to me. Way down by the stream, How sweet it would seem, Once more just to breathe in the moonlight my honey... I know, I know, With the dawn, that you will be gone, But tonight, you belong to me. Just little ol' me.
[Marie brings out a coroner, she plays a solo, then the song ends]
Navin R. Johnson: You know, while you were playing that just now, I had the craziest fantasy that I could rise up and float right down the end of this coronet, right through here, through these valves, right along this tube,and right up against your lips and give you a kiss.
Marie: Why didn't you?
Navin R. Johnson: I didn't want to get spit on me.

Navin R. Johnson: These hoodlums are dangerous. I think we oughta get out of here before she sees us.
Marie: She?
Navin R. Johnson: What?
Marie: You said she.
Navin R. Johnson: No! No! I always call a gang "she". It's like when you call a boat "she", or a hurricane "she".
Marie: Or a girl?
Navin R. Johnson: A girl, you can call a girl she, that's just one of the many things you can call she.

Navin R. Johnson: I'm gonna bounce back and when I do I'm gonna buy you a diamond so big it's gonna make you puke.
Marie: I don't wanna puke.

Marie: You live here? Oh, it's nice. Did you decorate it?
Navin R. Johnson: Yeah, I got all this stuff from the old Cup 'o Pizza place before they tore it down.
Marie: Good pizza.
[the two are eating pizza in a cup]
Navin R. Johnson: Oh, this is the best pizza in a cup ever. This guy is unbelievable. He ran the old Cup 'o Pizza guy out of business. People come from all over to eat this.