Chevy Chase: Ty Webb

Caddyshack

Ty Webb

Judge Smails: You know, you should play with Dr. Beeper and myself. I mean, he's been club champion for three years running and I'm no slouch myself.
Ty Webb: Don't sell yourself short Judge, you're a tremendous slouch.

Ty Webb: Don't be obsessed with your desires Danny. The Zen philosopher, Basho, once wrote, 'A flute with no holes, is not a flute. A donut with no hole, is a Danish.' He was a funny guy.

[Ty has just been asked by Al to partner up against Judge Smails in a $20,000-per-person golf match]
Judge Smails: Can I have a word with you? ln private?
Ty Webb: Sure thing, Judge.
Judge Smails: [brings Ty to the side] Ty?
Ty Webb: Judge?
Judge Smails: Ty? Oh. Ty... your father and I prepped together, went to war together, we played golf together. We built this club, he and I. Let's face it, son, some people simply do not belong.
[both laugh]
Judge Smails: Let's not... cave in too easy, huh? Hmm?
[both laugh again]
Judge Smails: Well, what do you say, Ty?
Ty Webb: Let's make it $40,000.
Al Czervik: Hey, great!
Ty Webb: [to a glaring Smails] You know, Judge, my dad... never liked you.

Ty Webb: For me, there's a subtle perfection in everything I do. I have my own standards, my own way. in everything I do. I've got my own standards, my own way.
Lacey Underall: My uncle says you've got a screw loose.
Ty Webb: Oh yeah? Your uncle molests collies.

Ty Webb: I'm going to give you a little advice. There's a force in the universe that makes things happen. And all you have to do is get in touch with it, stop thinking, let things happen, and be the ball.

Carl Spackler: Your place got a pool?
Ty Webb: We have a pond in the back. We have a pool and a pond... Pond'd be good for you.

Danny Noonan: I haven't even told my father about the scholarship I didn't get. I'm gonna end up working in a lumberyard the rest of my life.
Ty Webb: What's wrong with lumber? I own two lumberyards.
Danny Noonan: I notice you don't spend too much time there.
Ty Webb: I'm not quite sure where they are.

Ty Webb: So, what brings you to this nape of the woods, neck of the wape; How come you're here?
Lacey Underall: Daddy wanted to broaden me.

Ty Webb: Just be the ball, be the ball, be the ball. You're not being the ball Danny.
Danny Noonan: It's hard when you're talking like that.

Ty Webb: Let me tell you a little story? I once knew a guy who could have been a great golfer, could have gone pro, all he needed was a little time and practice. Decided to go to college instead. Went for four years, did pretty well. At the end of his four years, his last semester he was kicked out... You know what for? He was night putting, just putting at night with the fifteen-year-old daughter of the Dean... You know who that guy was Danny?
Danny Noonan: No.
Ty Webb: Take one good guess.
Danny Noonan: Bob Hope?
Ty Webb: Ha ha... No, that guy was Mitch Comstein, my roommate. He was a good guy.

Ty Webb: I was born to love you / I was born to lick your face / I was born to rub you / but you were born to rub me first /... What do you say we take this out on the patio?

Judge Smails: I demand satisfaction.
Al Czervik: [mocking] You demand satisfaction? Well I'll tell you what's satisfying: *cash*. I'll shoot you 18 holes for ten thousand bucks!
Judge Smails: [laughs] Wha... I could beat you with one arm!
Al Czervik: Well, how about teams then, for twenty thousand? You can have Dr. Frankenputz...
Dr. Beeper: [mortified] I beg your pardon!
Al Czervik: And I'll take Ty, here.
Ty Webb: Wait a minute guys... I don't play golf... for money... against people.

Danny Noonan: I gotta go to college. I gotta.
Ty Webb: Oh, Danny, this isn't Russia. Is this Russia? This isn't Russia, is it? I didn't think so.