Helen Mirren credited as playing...
Alice Rage
- Alice Rage: I'd now like to entertain you with a selection from my song and tap dance numbers.
- [singing]
- Alice Rage: On the good ship lollipop, It's a sweet trip, To a candy shop, Where bonbons play, On the sunny beach of Peppermint Bay...
- Alice Rage: [disguised as Queen Mary] How well I remember, cultivating my secret garden at Sandringham and Fosdyke, our head gardener, coming to give me his little tips.
- Fu Manchu: Play the saxophone for me, Alice.
- Alice Rage: Of course. Oh, no. I can't play the saxophone in my Queen Mary disguise, can I? I mean, that would be treacherous.
- Fu Manchu: What a dreadful pity.
- Alice Rage: But, do you have somewhere I could take it off?
- Fu Manchu: Oh! Oh, yes. Yes.
- Alice Rage: And are you who I think you are?
- Fu Manchu: I am - Emperor of the Saipan, Grand Master of the Seven Suns, Graduate of the University of Indiana Medical School, PhD, DDS, and Doctor of Veterinary Medicine. I am Dr. Fu Manchu.
- Alice Rage: [singing] I've got a little cat
- Fu Manchu: And I'm very fond of that
- Fu Manchu, Alice Rage: But, I'd rather have a bow wow wow!
- Fu Manchu: Alice, stay with me and become my Queen. You shall have servants to attend your every need. You should be soothed and massaged in rare oils. You shall bathe in ass' milk. You shall have everything your heart ever desired.
- Alice Rage: Oh, Fred, I hope you're not taking advantage of me; because, you know I could really fall for you.
- Alice Rage: Shall I show it all to you? Would you like to see the best part?
- Sir Nules Thudd: Oh, please! Yes, please! I must see it!
- Alice Rage: You can look, cause we agreed. But, you mustn't touch.
- Fu Manchu: [after Alice removes her Queen Mary costume] Is there anything else you wish to remove?
- Alice Rage: Only my - truncheon.
- [hands it over to Fu Manchu]
- Fu Manchu: Oh! It's still warm... . Oh...
- Robert Townsend: Please, just let me look. I promise you, I won't touch. It's so beautiful. I only want to look.
- Alice Rage: [in a low cut dress] Oh, well. I suppose a little look can't do any harm.
- Robert Townsend: I've never seen anything so - so devastating. So luscious. So tempting. Oh!
- Fu Manchu: Ah, so it was the British diamond that was the fake. Yes. Yes, you must have duplicated it. I want the real one. Where is it?
- Nayland Smith: Well, it was hidden in a priest's hole.
- Alice Rage: You dirty beast.