Bob Newhart: President Manfred Link

First Family

President Manfred Link

President Manfred Link: Try to handle this situation in the usual way, Bunny.
Press Secretary Bunthorne: Can I leak something?
President Manfred Link: Yes.
Press Secretary Bunthorne: Can I confirm something?
President Manfred Link: Yes.
Press Secretary Bunthorne: Can I deny something?
President Manfred Link: Yes, yes, yes. Try to make it look as though we're glad to have a lot of black people in the White House. Like we're-ah...
Press Secretary Bunthorne: Comfortable?
President Manfred Link: Exactly.

President Mazai Kalundra: We have a healthy, hard working, population. We have ancient, noble religious traditions. Strong economy. Splendid climate. In fact, we have all the requirements of the super state, but, one.
President Manfred Link: And what is that?
President Mazai Kalundra: Oh, can't you guess what it is?
President Manfred Link: No.
President Mazai Kalundra: A repressed minority.
President Manfred Link: What?
President Mazai Kalundra: We are prepared to purchase from you, at a reasonable price, 700 middle class white Americans of various religions and occupations - as you might say in your country: a mixed bag of honkies. We would see to it that they were comfortably settled here. Then, subject them to the proper amount of division and contempt, deny them certain basic rights, and, in general, give them the dirty end of the stick.

President Manfred Link: Which one of them is the head boogie man?
President Mazai Kalundra: I am the head boogie man. Which one of you is the chief turkey?

President Manfred Link: My fellow Americans, in my inaugural address to you, almost four long, hard, work-filled years ago, I made a solemn promise. That promise was that I would commit every ounce of my time and energy to gain for our country the biggest and the best of everything! My administration has had to bear the burden of the past decade of shrinking resources, shrinking supplies of energy, shrinking productivity, shrinking - shrink - shrank - shrunk.

President Manfred Link: Because I was a little boy, like all little boys, and all little girls too, I guess, everything seemed so big. Buildings were big, furniture, silver dollars, and the cigar my dad used to smoke, and clouds, and womens' breasts were big.
Ambassador Spender: [listening to the President's public address on the radio] Breasts? Why is he talking about breasts, for pity's sake?

Vice-President William Shockley: I can see a Nobel prize in your future.
Press Secretary Bunthorne: Mr. President. Mr. President, sir, I can predict an overwhelming majority to the polls.
Ambassador Spender: Manny, we've already opened negotiations with the upper Ghormese for an exclusive trade agreement.
President Manfred Link: I want a lot more vacations.
Vice-President William Shockley, Press Secretary Bunthorne, Ambassador Spender: Yes!
Vice-President William Shockley: Naturally, sir!

President Manfred Link: Wait a minute. They think I'm dead.
Vice-President William Shockley: Yes! Yes. Yes! This will be the greatest sales pitch in the history of American political campaigns! Once, every 2,000 years or so, a man of vision, a man who can work miracles, returns to lead his people.
President Manfred Link: You don't really think that - that anyone would believe that?

President Manfred Link: How exactly did she get away?
Gloria's Secret Service Agent #1: We lost her in the crowd, sir, at the Kennedy Center. It was after the annual "Oldies But Goodies" concert.
President Manfred Link: Okay. No more "Oldies But Goodies." No more concerts of at all... If you can't do your job, I'll find someone who can and you'll be back patrolling the toilets in the State Department. Is that clear?
Gloria's Secret Service Agent #1, Gloria's Secret Service Agent #2, Gloria's Secret Service Agent #3: Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Yes.
President Manfred Link: Alright, now, get out of here and go protect someone or whatever it is you do.