Timothy Hutton credited as playing...
Conrad Jarrett
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: Why do things have to happen to people? It isn't fair.
- Dr. Berger: You're right. It isn't fair.
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: You just do one wrong thing, and...
- Dr. Berger: Mmm-hmm. And what was the one wrong thing you did?
- [Conrad flashes back to the accident]
- Dr. Berger: You know. You know.
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: [hesitates] I hung on. I stayed with the boat.
- Dr. Berger: Exactly. Now, you can live with that, can't you?
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: [in tears] I'm so scared! I'm scared.
- Dr. Berger: Feelings are scary. And sometimes they're painful. And if you can't feel pain, then you're not gonna feel anything else, either. You know what I'm saying?
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: I think so.
- Dr. Berger: You're here, and you're alive. And don't tell me you don't feel that.
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: It doesn't feel good.
- Dr. Berger: It is good. Believe me.
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: How do you know?
- Dr. Berger: Because I'm your friend.
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: Buck! Bucky, I didn't mean it! Bucky, I didn't mean it! Bucky!
- Dr. Berger: [answering as Buck] I know that. It wasn't your fault.
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: But it was! You said get the sail down, but I couldn't! I couldn't! It jammed! And then the halyard, the halyard jammed. And I couldn't because the goddamned halyard jammed! Then you're sittin' here screwing around until it's too late to do anything! And I'm supposed to take care of it! I'm supposed to take care of it!
- Dr. Berger: [as Buck] And that wasn't fair, was it?
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: No! And then you say, "Hang on! Hang on!" And then you let go! Why'd you let go?
- Dr. Berger: [as Buck] Because I got tired.
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: Yeah? Well, screw you, you jerk!
- [drops to the floor and breaks down sobbing]
- Dr. Berger: It hurts to be mad at him, doesn't it?
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: Yeah. He just wasn't careful, he just wasn't careful. He didn't see how a bad thing might happen.
- Dr. Berger: Bad things happen, even when people are careful.
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: We screwed around out there, we shouldn't have. We should've come in when it started to look bad.
- Dr. Berger: Okay. So you made a mistake.
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: Why did he let go? Why?
- Dr. Berger: Maybe you were stronger. Did it ever occur to you that you might have been stronger?
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: When I let myself feel, all I feel is lousy.
- Dr. Berger: Oh, I beg your pardon, I never promised you a rose garden.
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: Oh, fuck you Berger.
- Dr. Berger: What?
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: Fuck *you*. Fuck You!
- Dr. Berger: Hey, that's it!
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: Jesus! You're really weird. What about you? How do you feel, huh? Do you jack off or jerk off or whatever you call it?
- Dr. Berger: What do you think?
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: What do I think? I think you're married to a fat lady and you go home and you fuck the living daylights out of her!
- Dr. Berger: Sounds good to me.
- Jeannine: [In a McDonalds restaurant booth Conrad sits with Jeannine, the suicide attempt scars on Conrad's wrist are displayed] Did it hurt?
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: I don't remember, really.
- Jeannine: You don't want to talk about it?
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: I've never really talked about it. To doctors. But, not to anyone else. You're the first who's asked.
- Jeannine: Why did you do it?
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: Uh... I don't know. It was like... falling into a hole. It keeps getting bigger and bigger and you can't escape. All of a sudden, it's inside... and you're the hole. You're trapped. And it's all over. Something like that. It's not really scary... except when you think back on it. 'Cause you know what you were feeling...
- Beth Jarrett: It's really important to try to hurt me, isn't it?
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: Don't you have that backwards?
- Beth Jarrett: Oh, and how do I hurt you? By embarrassing you in front of a friend? "Poor Beth, she has no idea what her son is up to. He lies and she believes every word of it."
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: I didn't lie!
- Beth Jarrett: You did! You lied every time you came into this house at 6:30! If it's starting all over again, the lying, the covering up, the disappearing for hours, I will not stand for it! I can't stand it! I really can't!
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: Well, don't, then! Go to Europe!
- Calvin "Cal" Jarrett: Connie!
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: No! The only reason she cares, the only reason she gives a fuck about it is 'cause someone else knew about it first!
- Calvin "Cal" Jarrett: Just stop it, Connie!
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: No! You tell her to stop it! You never tell her a goddamn thing! And I know why she never came to the hospital: she was busy going to goddamn Spain and goddamn Portugal! Why should she care if I'm hung up by the balls out there?
- Beth Jarrett: Maybe this is how they sit around and talk at the hospital, but we're not at the hospital now.
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: You never came to the hospital! How do you know about the hospital?
- Calvin "Cal" Jarrett: Connie! Now, your mother did come to the hospital. Now, you know that she did. She had the flu and... and she couldn't come inside, but she came to the hospital!
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: Yeah? Well, she wouldn't have had any flu if Buck was in the hospital! She would have come if Buck was in the hospital!
- Beth Jarrett: Buck never would have been in the hospital!
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: Anyway.
- Jeannine: Hm, what?
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: Oh just anyway. It's a conversation starter.
- Jeannine: Hm, catchy.
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: I knew you'd like it, I've been working on it all day.
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: [on learning Beth has left] I know why. It's me, isn't it?
- Calvin "Cal" Jarrett: No.
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: Yeah, it is. It's my fault.
- Calvin "Cal" Jarrett: Don't do that! Don't do that to yourself! It's nobody's fault! Things happen in this world, people don't always have the answers for them, you know.
- [sits down on the steps]
- Calvin "Cal" Jarrett: I don't know what I'm yelling at you for.
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: No, that's right. You're right. You oughta do that more often.
- Calvin "Cal" Jarrett: Oh, yeah?
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: Yeah, yeah, haul my ass a little, you know? Get after me. The way you used to for him.
- Calvin "Cal" Jarrett: Oh, he needed it. You didn't. You were always so hard on yourself, I never had the heart.
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: Aw, Dad, don't.
- Calvin "Cal" Jarrett: No. No, it's the truth. I never worried about you, I... just wasn't listening.
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: You know, I used to figure you had a handle for everything. You knew it all.
- Calvin "Cal" Jarrett: Really?
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: I know that wasn't fair, but you always made us feel like everything was gonna be all right. I've thought about that a lot lately. I really admire you for it.
- Calvin "Cal" Jarrett: Well, don't admire people too much. They'll disappoint you sometimes.
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: I'm not disappointed. I love you.
- Calvin "Cal" Jarrett: [hugs Conrad] I love you too.
- Dr. Berger: So everything was fine until you had the fight with your mother. Then everything was lousy.
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: Yeah, but I don't blame her. I mean, she's got... she's got her reasons. It's impossible after all the shit I've pulled.
- Dr. Berger: What shit have you pulled?
- [Conrad doesn't answer]
- Dr. Berger: Hey, remember, I'm talking proportion here. Now, what shit?
- [Conrad stays quiet]
- Dr. Berger: Come on, you must be able to come up with at least one example. And don't give me, "I tried to kill myself." That's old turkey. What have you done lately?
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: [scoffs] "Lately"? Hey, come on, if you... listen, I'm never gonna be forgiven for that. Never. You know, you... you can't get it out, you know, all the blood in her towels and her... her rug. Everything had to be pitched. Even the tile in the... in the bathroom had to be regrouted. Christ, she fired the goddamn maid because she couldn't dust the living room right. If you think I'm gonna forgive... that she's gonna forgive me...
- [trails off, looks at Dr. Berger]
- Dr. Berger: What?
- [Conrad slowly stands up and walks to the window]
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: I think I just figured something out.
- Dr. Berger: What?
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: Who it is who can't forgive who.
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: [about Karen's suicide] I feel bad about this! I feel really, really bad about this! Just let me feel bad about this!
- Dr. Berger: Okay. I feel bad about it, too.
- Dr. Berger: So what are you thinking now?
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: That I jack off a lot.
- Dr. Berger: So what else is new? Does it help?
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: For a minute.
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: You woulda visited Buck if he was in the hospital.
- Beth Jarrett: Buck would have never been in the hospital!
- Dr. Berger: So you felt great. You brought home a Christmas tree and everything was hunky dory. Okay?
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: You're the doctor.
- Dr. Berger: Listen, don't take refuge in one-liners like "you're the doctor". Okay? Because that pisses me off.
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: Okay.
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: [seeing Beth set the table] Can I help?
- Beth Jarrett: Help with what?
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: With... this?
- Beth Jarrett: No. I'll tell you what you can do is go upstairs to that room of yours and clean out the closet.
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: [still desperately trying to talk with her] Mom?
- Beth Jarrett: [sensing this, but is afraid] Okay? Because it really is a mess.
- [they stare at each other in silence for a moment before the phone rings]
- Dr. Berger: Maybe you were stronger. Did it ever occur to you that you might have been stronger?
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: [realizes the implications of what Dr. Berger just said to him]
- Dr. Berger: How long are you going to punish yourself? When are you going to quit?
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: Oh God, I'd like to quit...
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: I made a 74 on a trig quiz.
- Beth Jarrett: Oh really? Gosh I was awful at trig.
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: Oh. Really? You took trig?
- Beth Jarrett: No... wait a minute... ha, did I take trig? Huh... anyway, I bought you two shirts they're on your bed.
- Jeannine: Can you ever break the ball?
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: You can't break the ball. Can't break the floor. Can't break anything in a bowling alley. And that's what I like about bowling alleys. Can't even break the record.
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: [yelling at Calvin about Beth] ... and I know why she never came to the hospital! She was busy going to goddamn Spain and... and... goddamn Portugal! Why should she care if I'm hung up by the balls out there?
- Buck: Dad's gonna haul our asses when we get back!
- Conrad "Con" Jarrett: I don't think it's so goddamned funny