Burt Reynolds credited as playing...
Bandit
- Buford T. Justice: [Leaning against his car with his gun pointed at Bandit] Well as you can see Bandit, I've got my piece in my hand.
- 'Bandit': You've got your WHAT in your hand?
- [Cledus is standing over the Bandit, who's on the floor, drunk]
- 'Bandit': Cledus, you've gotten taller.
- Cledus Snow: Yes, and you've gotten drunker. This place looks like a shithouse!
- [Bandit points to the bathroom]
- 'Bandit': You want a shithouse? It's in there.
- 'Bandit': Excuse me sir, but your ass is on fire. I bet you can't wait to get back home to Canada and stick it in the snow.
- 'Bandit': I didn't take Charlotte to Texas.
- Carrie: You didn't?
- 'Bandit': No.
- Carrie: What about Big Enos?
- 'Bandit': Let him get his own elephant.
- Carrie: What about the money?
- 'Bandit': I blew it. But we can still make it.
- Carrie: Have you got more than a dollar?
- 'Bandit': Yeah.
- Carrie: In cash?
- 'Bandit': Yeah.
- Carrie: Then that's good enough.
- 'Bandit': You know I could take you head off.
- Cledus Snow: And you know that's just what you' gonna have to do.
- 'Bandit': What is WRONG with you idiots? You act like she's human!
- [sees tears running down Charlotte's face, Doc starts crying, Cledus tears up]
- 'Bandit': I'm sorry, Charlotte.
- Cledus Snow: [punches Bandit and knocks him down] Doc, I thought I loved him too much to do that to him.
- 'Bandit': Obviously not.
- Terry Bradshaw: [Bandit drives along the sideline and pulls up next to Terry Bradshaw] Hi, Bandit. Hi, Frog.
- Carrie: Hi, Terry.
- 'Bandit': Hey, I need a favor.
- Terry Bradshaw: You always do.
- 'Bandit': Yeah. Uh, do you still got your ranch in Shreveport?
- Terry Bradshaw: You betcha.
- 'Bandit': [Points] Now, I don't have to tell you who that is.
- Terry Bradshaw: [Sees Smokey's police car drive onto the football field] Haha, Buford T. Justice.
- 'Bandit': Could you hold him up for a while?
- Terry Bradshaw: Oh, I'd be glad to. Hey Joe!
- 'Mean' Joe Greene: Yeah?
- Terry Bradshaw: ...Tackle that car!
- [Joe nods and gets in front of Smokey's car as it pulls up]
- 'Bandit': Thanks, Ter!
- Terry Bradshaw: You owe me, Bandit!
- [Bandit drives off]
- Cledus Snow: [Bandit is being chased by a lot of police and Cledus is heading straight for them in his truck] Tell me, how many trucks do you see?
- 'Bandit': I see one, unless I've been drinking.
- Cledus Snow: [yells in the CB] Okay, boys... do it, to it!
- Cledus Snow: [19 trucks emerge from behind Snowman's truck] Well, I must be commode-hangin' drunk, coz I see about twenty trucks. Ha ha!
- 'Bandit': [finding out Charlotte's pregnant] Who did it?
- Cledus Snow: Don't look at me.
- Doc: Probably another elephant.
- 'Bandit': I know that, when did it happen?
- Doc: Long time ago.
- Doc: Sure, take her in the truck, make the baby go bada-bing, bada-boom, but I'll tell you this, I'm not going to be responsible.
- [walks off muttering Italian]
- Cledus Snow: [to the Bandit] Don't you understand English? He says you can't be shaking Charlotte around in that truck, she's gonna have a baby!
- 'Bandit': We're talking about $400,000, do you understand that? This is our last chance! $400,000!
- Cledus Snow: I understand $400,000 and I would like to get my share of $400,000, but I ain't gonna kill an elephant to get it.
- Carrie: [Gets angry at Bo and storms out of club ,he follows] That is it for you! You have had it! You're hooked! You're a fame junkie! They should give you intravenous feedings of People magazine and National Enquirer headlines!... And if you're a real good boy,they'll give you a Tonight Show enema!
- 'Bandit': [Confused by her attitude] What is the matter?
- Carrie: [Ignores him and concludes before leaving] ... and if you weren't so dumb,they'd put you on Cross-Wits!
- 'Bandit': Well, that's about enough
- Cledus Snow: Well, how many is that?
- 'Bandit': One
- Cledus Snow: One? You did one yesterday
- 'Bandit': I know, it hurt
- Buford T. Justice: You're not getting away from me Bandit and I'm still in hot pursuit.
- 'Bandit': I copy that Buford. But I hear your pursuit ain't that hot.
- [Buford's car is folded into a triangle]
- Buford T. Justice: Give me your handkerchief.
- Junior: What?
- Buford T. Justice: Give me your handkerchief.
- [Junior hands him the handkerchief]
- Junior: [Buford wipes the dash and gives the handkerchief back to Junior] What is it?
- Buford T. Justice: A little fly shit.